This is my desperate cry for help because I'm all sucked in and don't know where else to turn. I thought about Craiglisting this post, but the fact is I need some immediate and direct intervention from people who understand. Like those people who read my dumb blog. At this point any old person will do as well. I write today's post between crying and sniffling, barely able to rap my trembling little digits upon each key because the guilt and shame I feel in what I'm about to say is overwhelming. Why just last night I drowned my sorrows in raspberry chocolate chip ice cream, but the sorrows were still there when I was done. I fear I'm beyond help. I've heard of this thing that involves several "steps", but since following the rules never really worked for me blurting it out was the best I could come up with on short notice.
I, Margaret Andrews, have found the Tivo.
HELP! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?! I'M WATCHING TELEVISION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 3 YEARS!!!!!
Jesus lord almighty the shows I've watched. Desperate Housewives (kinda sorta), playboy playmates on E!, 30 of the sexiest celebrities of the year, The Boondocks, Charlie Rose, Letterman, Arrested Development, CNN, LOCAL NEWS!!!... as you can see, it's quality programming. Ain't nuthin' like watching Hef's latest 20 year old girlfriend wax poetic about the sporty types she'd like to bang.
[And just for the record, watching the first season of The L Word on DVD in only a few days soooo doesn't count. Cuz it was on DVD, obviously.]
No but seriously, have you guys heard about this newfangled thing called Tivo? It's amazing! Moving pictures right there in your living space. ON DEMAND! WITHOUT COMMERCIALS (or at least the ability to fast forward through them)! A 60 minute show in just over a half hour. I haven't done a fucking thing all week - my blogging has gone to pot, my photographs are less than stellar, but thank *god* I finally saw The Boondocks cuz shit. That show cracks me up. No really, have you seen it?! So funny.
What's boggling my mind is the whole advertising thing. In lieu of this recent change in my television viewing habits I'm giving up some of my regular internet guilty-reads (I'll admit it, I read a lot of trashy columns online). I read a lot of other stuff too, which is making me wonder why absolutely *no one* is talking about the future of advertising on television. What gives? My ass has been parked in front of that fucking TV for an entire week and have I watched a single commercial? Nope. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. Nyet. Boy would I like to be in a room with a bunch of TV execs this year - that's gonna be some fun stuff. Better yet, get me a job with Tivo because all I see are possibilities. I bet they'll take over the world someday. Right after Google buys them out.
You know what else is boggling my mind? I'm starting to wonder if I could actually spend an entire week in front of the Tivo (but here's the best part) in BED!
Okay so yeah. You know when I'm exercising brain muscles spend *serious* time thinking about how it would be physically possible to spend an entire week in front of the television, in bed, something's gotta change. I can't possibly get anything done like this.
Top 5 things I'd like to see on Tivo this year:
1. vlog feeding made easy (MNstories I mean you!)
2. the ability to order food (like Hummus-To-Go! delivered right to my doorstep)
3. synching with my work Outlook so I can start working from my bed home
4. all my rss feeds
5. my face
Comments
"Ain't nuthin' like watching Hef's latest 20 year old girlfriend wax poetic about the sporty types she'd like to bang."
i am now, officially proud to know you....ha ha...
I have had Tivo for about 5 years. Thank God I'm a TV reporter, otherwise I would have no human interaction. I'd be watching the 1000th episode of Law and Order (commercial free) from A&E.
i have heard that there is new tivo software that will do RSS reading.
and if you had a replaytv instead, you could upload photos to it. cant remember when Tivo was gonna do this...
I'm right there with you, only I haven't taken the actual step of getting the TiVo because I fear the person I will become. But I was just having this exact conversation with a friend yesterday.
I'm not sure exactly how to combat this reaction, but I think part of it is shock. Give it some time for the initial fabulousness of TiVo to wear off before you order oxygen masks and what-have-you. (Although I'm not sure the end result won't be that Gilmore Girls actually comes before eating on the priority scale, sorry. Just don't start watching Veronica Mars or Project Runway. Just don't do that to yourself.)
I should have qualified a few things. First, I don't actually *own* the Tivo yet. I'm just squatting as a semi-permanent Tivo houseguest at someone else's pad and frankly, that might be the only reason I'm here to type this comment.
And second, said person records Veronica Mars so I'm guessing it's only a matter of time until I see that show. Everyone says it's good - what's the big deal?
Wanna come over and eat raspberry chocolate chip ice cream with me while we watch Veronica Mars sometime?
The other side of the goodness of TiVo is that if you're already hooked on some show, you can tell the box to collect up a whole bunch of them and watch 'em in a hurry.
During the winter, I spend more time as a couch-potato because of the tivo. During the summer, I keep up with a couple shows in about an hour per night.
RUN!!!!!
my dear sister do not for any reason come to the dark side (unless you have children cuz it is a good babysitter). Before you know it you will be sitting there wondering where it all went wrong cuz there is nothing good on tv anymore but don't want to go through the withdrawl pain it would take to get rid of it.......
Hey and guess what you missed since not having tv.....NOTHING!!!!
until I read that other comment that you hadn't actually gotten cable and a tivo my jaw absolutely dropped with shock and awe. sophie? allowing tv to invade her zen like space? no way. i won't believe it. and here i am, little miss "i can't miss my shows - oh no" living in a house with, *gasp* NO CABLE!
I also assume the Tivo owner also owns the Harmony 880 Remote. Life is good, but I fear that photography may be a hobby of the past if the Tivo wins. You will become aware of a whole new world of gadgets, entertainment, and weight gain. Ice cream and TV... I see 15 to 20 lbs in your near future. Just look at photos of the Tivo owner from two years ago. You will see what I mean! Turn it off while you still have your figure!
Hey!
Rex, I dare to say the Tivo may be winning in your case. My 2006 Resolution... Loose 40 Lbs. My wife's first remark... You can't get Cable or the Tivo. There must be a way to make it work... I see a treadmill or cycle with a generator in my near future.
A cycle with a generator - is that so it can, like, do all the work for you?
Yes to Veronica Mars and raspberry ice cream! My favorite person made a cameo on Veronica Mars this year.
how i yearn for MNstories to be pouring out the Tivo spigot.
we merely have Time-Warner's DVR, but it's not smart and sexy like Tivo. still fairly life-changing though.
Tivo all of Firefly for me if you get a chance... I found it after it was canceled. Second... don't get me started on Serenity.. I'm hypnotized by Summer Glau (too young) and Morena Baccarin.