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A breath of life

Despite attempting to start the bloody novel 4 times today I've finally found a voice for my lead character. I've purposely withheld the name from you for no significant reason other than I hoped to shock you with its extreme unshockingness. Her name? Yes, it's Sophie. What? Wouldn't it have been weird if her name had been anything else? Anyway... here's a bit about how the book got underway this morning.

I tried starting the bloody thing 4 times (yes I know I already mentioned that but I figured it was worth repeating), each time getting about a thousand words in to the first chapter before doing a Control+All, Delete. Let me draw an analogy for you to help explain.... I'm quite free about what I'll post on my websites, both on Lumiere and here, but in a sense I've also been very careful about the type of content I post. From sopheava.com's inception I knew that time would cement for me a "body of work" whether I wanted it to or not, and on the whole I wanted my body of work to be as much of the 'positive' persuasion as possible. Seriously. Who wants to read about years of bad jobs, bad breakups, bad bagels, and being pissed off at the world? Yeah. Not so much me. So... you could say I've been somewhat selective about my writing on sopheava.com. All the gloom and doom that is my life is safely locked away because that's not what this place is about.

THAT is exactly how I feel about starting this novel as well. I wanted to set a tone that wasn't depressing, wasn't overpowering, and neatly led in to the many adventures Sophie's going to embark on. A tone that communicated her frustrations with the world at large without making the reader want to slit their wrists or pick up War & Peace as a viable substitute.

Lo and behold, three thousand words of gloom finally ushered in 2080 words of w00t! SOPHIE LIVES! Not only does she live but she has a gorgeous best friend named Eve, is the proud owner of a pair of sexy, knee-highed black stilettos, and is already getting more ass than me. I can't wait to see what's going to happen to her tomorrow, though I suspect it ain't gonna be great if I'm going to get her out of the city and in to a Finnish sauna by 10 thousand words.

Current word count: 2080.

Calling all VIPs

Due to popular demand I'm making my novel available by special request. Email or contact me if you'd like to be one of the priviledged few to read the daily adventures (installments) of Sassy, not to mention saucy, Sophie and I'll get ya a little somethin' something'.

Thank Keira. It was all her doing.

Day 2 in the trenches, in which there's a startling revelation

Shit.

I think I'm writing chick-lit.

*shrugs*

Oh well. At least there's copious amounts of booze involved.

Somebody get this bitch a new designer

You know.... I tried real, real hard to let this one go and make myself the promise I wouldn't blog about it. And yet... I just... can't.

So the word on the street is Britney has a new album coming out sometime soonish. But go back to that last sentence and substitute the word 'new' with 'remix' and the word 'Britney' with 'Britney's 26 Producers'. What was the big news in her highness's life this week? The release of the cover art for said album.

Now I know I'm not out there designing the covers for anyone famous, but when I saw this cover art the graphic designer in me was all, "Hmmm, interesting cross between Mariah and Madonna. But what I'd like to know is who in the hell is Britney *B* Spears?"

I'm just sayin'.

Current word count: 6200
Number of times I've talked about boots and/or shoes: 4
Number of scenes in a bar: 2 and a 1/2
Number of foreign men trying to get in the pants of my MC (main character): 2
Number of cameos: 2
Number of cameos by Britney Spears: One.

Interview with an author

I'm biting on Rex's style for a moment so I can address a few novel related things. This is the internet, after all, so we're doing it FAQ style.

1. Your main character, Sophie, she is so you!
Ok first of all that's not a question but let's just get this issue out of the way up front. No, Sophie is not me. Ultimately it seems most writers take aspects of themselves and weave them in to their characters. Why? Because it's what we know. So yes, Sophie has aspects of my potty-mouthed, sassy personality but she is most certainly not me. And second of all, she has long, wavy black hair. I haven't had black hair since the unfortunate hair-dying incident of 1999.

2. I want to read the novel, how do I get there?
Contact me or send me an email. Don't want any weirdos or sneaky, scene stealing author types all up 'n in Sophie's business.

3. Are you really gonna write it in 30 days?
Have to, it's part and partial to the whole author gig.

4. It reads like a fast paced soap opera! What's up with that?
I'm writing it "episode-style" on purpose so I don't come up against the 15,000 word wall. The options are being left open so I can send Sophie on many-an-adventure. And don't forget to tune in to tomorrow's episode for another, captivating installment!

5. You're crazy. How many of you are there?
I personally know 5 others writing their respective novels. There are no official counts on the NaNoWriMo website yet but the estimation was somewhere near 60,000 participants worldwide.

6. How can you be blogging, photographing, AND writing a novel at the same time?
Writing this blog entry is my form of procrastination. What are you going to do about it?

7. What's the plot?
It's a mystery. And by a mystery I don't mean a puzzle, I mean it's a mystery to me. I'm only finding out what's happening as I write. So STAY TUNED!

8. What will you do with it when you're done? Are you going to try and get it published?
Probably not. If you've been reading it you know it's definitely not going to win any awards. Most likely I'll back it up a few times and let it sit on a disk somewhere for the remainder of my existance when I have it buried with me.

9. How's it going so far?
Peachy. I'm right on task with word count, pacing myself at 2000 words per day which will not only get me to the 50,000 word goal - but 60,000 words!

Speaking of words, I have to get Sophie ready for a date. Black Eyed Peas and Justin Timberlake agree.

In which I explain why the Black Eyed Peas are OK in my book

Anyone living under a rock hasn't heard "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas yet. At first I was like the rest of you, I couldn't stand it for more than 2 microseconds before I wanted to punch Fergie in the face. My god does she have to sing like she's 12 and change her voice for every god damned song?

But then, then something happened. I ... I apologize because this is really hard... I started liking it.

And you know what? I've come to terms with my affection for this song because I've finally found sweet justification. Sweet, sweet justification thanks to my walking, talking hip-hop, R&B library in the form of one floridian best friend. "My Humps"? It sounds *just* like the baseline to "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc. Am I right here? You can't dis the "Wild Thing"!

"My Humps" is ok in my book now, and should be in yours as well.

That is all. Rock.

15,000 and a breakdown down, 35,000 and winning the lottery left to go

It's official. Every single friend of mine that's Nano'ing (all 5 of them) this year has told me, "My novel, it is the suck." Not mmmmyyy novel but they mean their own respective novels. Just for the record I told each of them the same thing about my own manuscript so I think it's now an officially legitimate phenomenon of NaNoWriMo to want to kill yourself by week 2.

And yes, here we are at Week 2. Officially. Not only have I made it through the first seven days but I wrote almost 15,000 words in Week 1. Fifteen. THOUSAND. Words. I think this is more than I've ever written in my entire life. And not only have I written 15,000 words but I haven't even thrown myself off the Hennepin Street bridge yet! w00!

It has been a strange ride this past week. I walked in to my novel not knowing anything about the characters or plot, and just a few short days later I have living, breathing characters that try to get each other pregnant and enjoy shopping. Um, yeah. So basically they're turning out to be a bit quirkier than I had imagined and fancy themselves a bunch of drama queens, the lot of them. Last night Rex left a comment saying *ahem*,

Funnily enough he wrote that without having actually read last night's installment. Because if he had? He wouldn't have just written that. He would have shown up at my door, handcuffed me, and drove me to a hospital with white padded rooms and jiggly jello. Boy oh boy was it a doozy! If you're keeping up at home, I promise I wasn't smoking crack or shooting up with heroin when I wrote it. No really (it was all Keira's idea!).

So this post is my way of congratulating myself on the first fifteen thou and keeping you abreast of my progress (for the record, I'm about a day and a half ahead of pace). If I had a pink, sparkly cupcake right now I would give it to myself. Because every writer that makes it to week 2 should get a pink, sparkly cupcake.

Equal parts, right?

This week is kicking my ass so I've decided to take Friday off of work. The 9 loads of laundry sitting on my living room floor would like to take this opportunity to thank me.

Keira's suggested I buy some jello and put the vodka in my cabinets to good use. I can't remember the last time I had jello shots... but ya'know... I think she may be on to something.

PS,

Honestly, look how perfect my spelling is!

Oops. Soooomeone, and I'm not naming any names here but I live alone so I'll let you guys give me the benefit of the doubt, made her jello shots a little on the strong side. Yeah, Rachael's proof-guide to jello shots? Pfsheesh! Who needs a guide. Let me sum up Sophie's guide to jello shots: if you think you need more alcohol in that sucker then keep right on adding to your little heart's content.

I mean, it's not like I was doing anything with my Thursday night anyway.

But even in my drunken state of jello-shotted goodness I have a very important PSA to pass along to Nikon users. Git yer asses over to the Nikon website post haste cuz there's a battery recall. Er, let me rephrase. If you're a Nikon owner you're not like a regular camera owner you're a cooool camera owner cuz they'll send you new batteries 'n stuff. Go on, git.

Now, now I can happily pass out knowing I've made the world a better place.

Third gradin' it

This just makes me so proud:

This is the official NaNoWriMo word count as of 8:50 pm this evening. And do you see who's Number 2? The twin cities baby! w00!

Not only are we #2 but we've consistently been #2 since the beginning. The number 1 spot has been LA, London, and a few other spots that all manage to be in the top 3 for about a day before falling down on the list. But Minneapolis? Consistent. Must be because it's getting so god damned cold up here that we have nothing better to do than continue writing.

UPDATE: 4,335 words tonight. One word: horns.

\m/

Lord have mercy

A few things. I just passed 28,000 words. D.a.m.n. If I keep up my rate of 2000 per day I'll be done with this bitch by Thanksgiving Day. A very happy Thanksgiving Day for me indeed as I say many a fond au revoir to my brief career as a novelist. Mm hmm, this whole author thing just isn't my bag, baby. Don't expect me to participate again next year unless I'm making some significant dough from it.

And eventhough my plot took a serious nose-dive at some point in the past 5 days, with 50,000 words you're bound to come up with something that doesn't completely suck. Steve is totally loving one whole sentence of my book that describes him a character named Steve. Coincidentally the only sentence from my book that he's read *ahem*:

No really, Steve sooooo does that.

By the third time he did this, he was probably on his 8th beer

Shameless word-padding techniques to reach your 50,000 words (according to Joe):

• Give your main character a theme song. Every time something important happens chuck that sucker in there. At 50-60 words a pop you've got an instant 300 words added to your novel.

The jig is up Joe. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!

And it's working. Joe is the only person I know that could make shit like that work.

Stock this

Being a web designer can have its perks. I work a lot with stock photography which is really great because some other punk-ass photographer gets to do all the heavy lifting for me (and we all know how much I like it when someone else does all the heavy lifting for me). All *I* have to do is sit back, munch on some Cheetos, flip through their work, and choose to my heart's content.

The only down side to this whole arrangement is that stock photography costs big bucks. I'm not ashamed to say that in *cough* many *cough* of my past projects I've had to, erm, borrow stock photography to get a piece done. Don't go judging, every designer does it at some point. It's a cruel, harsh world out there and designers gots to do what they gots to do. But in my current big-buck paying position *cough* we don't take the low road. We buy our stock photography like the big dogs and use everything legally and in harmony with the little birdies, little kittens, and the universe. This actually helps me sleep well at night, knowing the feds won't be busting down my door in the morning for borrowing someone else's photographs.

But... oh yes there's a big but here... my company budgets XXX dollars for new photos each year. This means our pool of legal photos, while not horrible, at times isn't great either. We have photos but sometimes it doesn't feel like we have enough photos to choose from. What if I need a tall, dark, and tanned man with great bulging arm muscles for a piece I'm doing, um, for... er, a vacation to Greece? Where's my photo for that? Yeah, probably not in my available pool of photographs. Still, that's why I make the big bucks *cough - is it me or is it kinda hot in here?*. I make what I have work for me.

Now. There are a few photos in our collection I wonder if I'll ever have a use for. No really. These photos kill me and some even make me laugh out loud every time I see them. To make things interesting I have made it my personal mission to see if I can ever use these, you know, tastefully.

We have...

Exhibit A: Ok, so maybe I can make this one work. Then again I work at a hospital so we'll see. However I do find it peculiar that this image came in a collection called "Series of important life events." Maybe if you're Steve and baseball is your thing then hot dogs could be considered pivotal to one's earthly existance. Otherwise I can't imagine why hot dogs are important to the lifecycle of an average human being. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Exhibit B: Last time I checked it wasn't 1986. Would you LOOK at that hair? Who's gonna buy that this photo is being useful to a piece or webpage (unless of course you're visiting the webpage for "Back To The Future"?). Wouldn't, well, pretty much any other photo of a woman be a better choice than this? Eep!

Exhibit C: This photo kills me. A couple of seniors playing... pool. Pool. Can you just imagine the thought bubbles for this one? "I'm gonna kick her *bleep*."

Exhibit D: Because obviously a bunch of colored condoms on a laundry line... um, might come in handy?

Exhibit E: I've done more than my fair share of pregnancy and birth center websites and let me just tell you that this photo was never considered in good taste. I mean, look at the froth on that beer! Who's gonna buy it.

Exhibit F: I SWEAR! to god that if I look like this on my wedding day someone better take me out back and put me out of my misery. *shudder* This photo is just WRONG! on so many levels. Next. NEXT!

Exhibit G: YES! Yes yes yes yes yes yes. DING DING DING we finally have a winner. Now THIS is the kind of picture that works on a webpage. Or a print project. Or in my bedroom. You know, whichever. *schlp!*

Show me (but this isn't an invitation for internet stalkers)

Mike over at Mike Industries recently said something that I couldn't agree more with:

Amen brother. Amen indeed. And speaking of showwwwwing things, I have something I need to get off my chest. It's not a confession or anything like that because I haven't done anything wrong (god, as if I would!). I am but an innocent by-stander caught up in the web of life's mysteries (or some shit like that).

Let's see, how shall I put this... my best friend is addicted to sending me photographs of her boyfriends' penises (best just to get right to the core of the issue, eh?). And I sooo desperately wanted to put this weird tendency of hers in to one of the characters in my novel but she made me promise I wouldn't. And not just any promise but a BEST FRIEND promise. You know, the kind that best friends make over 4 martinis, 3 shots, 4 cigarettes, and discussion of 4 ex-boyfriends. But at the end of the day I think even she feels some guilt over her alternative lifestyle choices which is why she's making me leave that part out. It doesn't actually stop her from sending them over though. A few things...

First, the guy doesn't even have to be her boyfriend. I've gotten pictures of guys she met on the internet or other random peeps from her little going-out crowd. One of her little guy friends even once said to me, "So, she told me she sent you pictures... of you know. So what did you think?" And of course I was sitting at the other end of the IM conversation almost peeing in my little panties I was laughing so hard. So I responded with, "What are you talking about?" To which he responded, "You know, my thingy."

Ah yes, nothing says "Man" more than a 33-year old using the word 'thingy'. Now that is something that's gonna make it in to my book if I get the chance to slip it in.

My point was that the guy doesn't even have to be someone she's had sex with. If she can get a picture of it, she'll go in for the kill and then send it to me later.

Second, just so we're clear I've never asked her for a single, solitary photograph. She sends them of her own volition, granted I don't do much to discourage the behavior. Every time she does it I still sit there looking at the email going, "Oh my god. Oh my god! She did it again."

Third, it would be really great if she started putting better titles in the subject portion of her email. Because, more than once I've been at work..., "La de da, OOH! A new email!" And I click away to find, um, yeah. Mr. Man all up 'n in my inbox. DESCRIPTIVE subjects please *thankyouverymuch*.

Fourth, I should mention my friend is a fellow web designer. Someone who takes the time to organize all the little fonts on her computer just so, someone who changes out all her icons, basically an extremely anal retentive person. And yet... she somehow forgets to shrink down each and every one of these photos to something that's not 5000 x 8000 pixels. For the love of god woman, I DON'T NEED TO SEE LIFE-SIZE PENISES!

Fifth, her behavior has been mostly isolated to Florida and its surrounding areas. So if you're one of the Minnesota guys crapping his pants right now that pictures of his manhood are being sent all over the internet, worry not. Unless your name is Brian in which case I HAVE actually seen yours. There was also some guy in Texas but I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog. And neither does Brian. I think.

Sixth, if you should stumble upon Ms. Camera unawares do know there's basically no chance in hell at ever getting any once the picture has been taken. She and I have talked through this strange phenomena over and over, and have decided it's some weird fluke of nature (totally not anything she's responsible for). She takes a picture and the relationship is over within a week (at which point you find yourself IM'ing me for a second opinion). Done. Sayonara. C-ya. NEXT!

Seventh, her camera has been broken for a little over a month and I kinda miss the random goodies she used to send over. My inbox isn't fun anymore. My inbox rides the short bus to school :(.

(PS, I should add that I in no way mean to impede on Mike's sanctity. It just so happens that I like that quote and wanted to share it today. The same day as the penis post. Sorry Mike.)

Hung up

Basically I'm procrastinating right now. I need to get writing but my need for some new photos far outweighed my need to write this evening. My recipe for the perfect Wednesday evening in:

1 Madonna Confessions On a Dance Floor cd (highlyl recommended)
½ a set of pajamas
513 dance moves
1 crazy who should be writing, not booty butt shaking and disco dancing

Shake well, and whoala!

At least I finally have some new photos to post on the photoblog. Right, back to the writing once again.

What's this? 243 early presents?

Instead of doing my full block of writing last night I decided to take the night off A) because I can, B) because there's nothing you can do to stop me, C) I deserved it, and D) I still had some jello shots to burn. Now I bet you're sitting there asking yourself what I did with my night off... so it's a lucky thing I'm going to tell you!

Not only did I finally get around to turning on the heat in my apartment for a whopping 3 hours (well, to be fair it was under 20 degrees for 3 days in a row and all the heat from surrounding old people apartments wasn't cutting it any more) but I decided to give you a nice little treat over on the photoblog. Tis the season of giving, ho ho ho.

The text archives weren't cutting it and honestly I never did the thumbnails sooner cuz my legion of faithful readers was so small. In other words, I was the only one who used them. But those days are long past and people are loving on the archives full stop. And I love when people are loving. So basically I'm letting you know that if you find yourself sitting around this weekend wondering what to do, go go love on my photographs. Click, click, click. Hours of (mostly PG-13) family fun.

Looks like Paris will be my next holiday

I can't believe no one has told me off for my low word count. It's true, I've taken almost the entire week off because, well, I can. And maybe deep down this is my way of making things interesting because so far I've been pretty bored with the whole nanowrimo thing *yawn*. Anyway, me and my bossy personality are getting back on the writing schedule today and are now pushing for anywhere from 3 to 4000 words per night. Cuz frankly 2000 words a day was boring. (Don't you just love my non-chalant attitude about this whole thing?) I'm also the person that invented strip-rummy cuz the regular rummy was too boring.

Onward and upward!

In lieu of writing this weekend I did selfish Margaret things, like go to a small soiree at the Alliance Française for a local photographer. And what goes better with photographs than wine? Um, yeah. I can't think of anything. Speaking of French, something very few people know about me is that I do accents. I've always had a gift for languages and when I lived in Sweden it became difficult for even the Swedish to tell I was American by the time I left because I have an uncanny knack for picking up accents and dialects. As it turns out, I think I've finally nailed the whole French accent thing. Here's Sophie's easy 1-Step Guide to sounding authentically French: you have to speak like there's peanut butter stuck behind your 2 front teeth and you're afraid the teeth are going to fall out if you don't keep a close eye on them.

Just a thought.

Speaking of the French, the most wonderful movie found its way to me this weekend. About 3 weeks ago I very randomly and for no particular reason started thinking of the movie Amelie. Don't ask me why but it was just sitting at the back of my mind nagging me the way men's smelly feet do. Sniff sniff. Do you smell something? Yeah, kinda like that. But not in the bad knock your boyfriend over the head way. In the good 'I think I'll make popcorn and do nothing all weekend but watch this wonderful movie and feel like a million bucks' way. And then I found myself at this French soiree talking about movies with someone named Pierre. It was all very surreal, so after encouragement from my new-found French friends I picked it up Saturday night.

This movie is officially the best movie I've seen all year. The cinematography was breath-taking, the actors were interesting and quirky, the story was heart-warming, and I literally felt like a million bucks at the end of the movie was I wiped the tears off my pillow *sniff*. Definitely not a movie for everyone, but this is a movie I wish I had written and shot. It was simply delightful and perfect in every way.

Alright alright alright already. Miss Sappypants is getting back to work. Anyone else gonna be around this holiday week besides me?

Ah, youth

Go read about a response to Nicky Hilton's interview last month in Vanity Fair over at MNspeak.

Like, that just totally hit my funny bone.

Take me to your dealer

Holy effin' shiznit. I just got a totally random email from Sir Christopher asking me what I had in my liquor cabinet. Which he thought was pretty random and funny himself since someone asked him the same question yesterday. After being kinda weirded out for a moment I was all, "Hmmm, okay I'll play along."

Sadly, Single White Female Living Alone in Minneapolis isn't an equation for stocking seriously. What can I say? I'm not packing. Anyway, here's my list:

• Absolut Kurant


• Skyy Vodka


• 2 quarter-filled bottles of Kettel One (don't ask cuz I have no idea how that happened)


• about an 1/8 of a bottle of Chianti


• Bombay Sapphire (my most favorite liquor packaging of all time)

I also have some tonic in the fridge and jello in the cupboards. Shouldn't I get extra points for that?

But then I re-read Chris's email and the only thing he said about his own collection was that he needs to buy less booze. So I asked him, "What's in YOUR cabinet?" but I did it with as much of a Scots accent as I could muster. Which might have been a mistake since I got War & Peace in response (please note he had to divide it up in to sections to make it even remotely legible; programmer that he is, I'd bet he even has a SQL database hidden somewhere...). If any of ya'll can top this I'm going to your house tonight:

• In the freezer: Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray TEN, Kettle One, Level, Grey Goose Vodka, Belvedere Vodka, Chopin Vodka, and Limoncello


• In the cabinet: Cointreau, Absolut Vanilla, Captain Morgan, Chambord, Godiva White, Godiva Chocolate, Godiva Coffee Liquor, Glenmorangie 18 year Scotch, Macallan 18 year Scotch, Malibu Coconut Rum, Bacardi Superior Rum, Glenlivet Whiskey, Crown Royal, Ouzo, 3 types of Port, and Black Forest Krammer Williams "Pear in the bottle" Brandy (out of Tequilas)


• In the refrigerator: Pommery Champagne, Vueve Clicquot, and single serving size POP (Pommery)


• In the basement: your typical beer selection along with Newcastle Brown Ale, Boddingtons, Miller Light, and Leinenkugel's


• Apparently there's also a very full wine cellar with dozens of bottles of wine goodness

To top it all off he had all kinds of tips for getting in with goods by knowing your distributors. Hmmm... I know my distributors. They're mostly on Nicollet a few blocks from my house.

Ha ha, I'm so funny.

Yeah anyway, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Looks like I'll be the only person in Minneapolis for the holiday along with some tumbleweed so I'll see you on the flipside. Alternatively I'll see you on Friday when I'll be coming to you LIVE, from work, where I'll still pretty much be the only person here. So you know, if any of you find yourselves in the Minneapolis suburbs let me know. I'll give you my work address so you can kindly drop off Pumpkin Spice Lattes. And then we'll play Twister.

Gobble gobble!

The talking, it was the wine

Last night I spent the evening with one of my very best and oldest friends. Spending Thanksgiving with Shea and her family is almost like spending it with my own family, but not quite. For one she doesn't have any older brothers who try to make as much fun of me as possible. And for two, they make their stuffing differently. The latter of course lending to an epiphany of sorts, the kind of epiphany where you realize every family has their *own* stuffing. Stuffing they make *their* way cuz every other way sucks, a way that doesn't change. Ever. Not even through marriage.

My family has one of these recipes. It's a super-secret old family recipe that's been handed down through the generations. The kind of stuffing recipe that does *NOT* include raisins or nuts, neither of which belong in stuffing, m'kay? Speaking of stuffing I kinda miss my family's stuffing this year.

But anyway, after dinner I sat down with Shea's 10 year old sister and her other sister's boyfriend to play Catch-Phrase. The kind of game where you have a word and everyone else has to guess what it is based on your description. Within a half hour pretty much everyone else in the family had joined our little game. Those Juve's play a mean family game I tell you!

But the absolute, most favorite part of my evening was when Shea had to describe one of her words. A word's description she enthusiastically began with...

"Ummmm, IT'S WHAT ZORRO WEARS!"

We all started blurting out: cape! and mask! and hat!

And then she added so quietly almost no one could hear except for me cuz I was sitting next to her...

"On his face.... but... it doesn't... have any holes in it."

The commotion completely stopped as we all sat there looking at her like, "What the FUCK are you talking about?"

Saved by the buzzer, she started giggling and said it was a blindfold. Um, yeah. I love that my friend describes a blindfold as something Zorro wears on his face but doesn't have any holes in it. Cuz you know, that was the best way she could think of describing what a blindfold is.

*blink, blink blink*

Excuse me while I go throw up for a moment, because I JUST FINISHED MY NOVEL! Um, yeah. I'm sufficiently freaking out right now cuz I wrote 50,431 words in 27 days. The freaking out also has nothing to do with getting stranded in a scary part of town today with no money and no way to get home... because HOLY SHIT I FINISHED MY NOVEL!!! WOO HOO!

I also settled on a title for the book: Blink. That's right, you heard it here first. My real, live novel has a title and it's Blink. And if I told you how many emails I got from people telling me off for not having a title yet, then I'd also have to tell you how many celebratory dances are being performed in front of computer monitors right now that I FINISHED MY NOVEL AND HAVE A TITLE FOR IT!

What did I learn this month? Well I certainly didn't learn that I can do anything I put my mind to because I already knew that. I did, however, learn that people who write for a living are fucking crazy. Although I'm sure the same can be said for Web Designers, who sit in front of their computers 15 hours a day and push pixels around the screen one by one. Seriously though, you have to be a little kooky crazy to be a writer and frankly, I don't think I can keep up with the number of nervous breakdowns it takes to write a novel. Cuz dayum. Blogging is the way to go, really.

I'm going to go stare at my NaNoWriMo profile for a few minutes now, reveling in the fact that I'm, officially, a winner. I'm also going to go throw up a little bit because I ended up spending $104.75 for a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks.

The winners circle

Congrats to all the other NaNoWriMo winners. Although technically Steve is still at 47,000 words and is MIA. So it's entirely possible he just off and moved to London, in which case I retract that statement of congratulations to him because he didn't finish his novel. Although I suspect he'll pull through at the last minute and have a final count of 82,064 words.

I might live to regret saying this, but knowing about how many people read this site think I should be relatively safe. For all the other NaNo participants, you should know that last year Lulu offered one free printed copy of your finished manuscript to all winners. I designed a book cover for Steve, and, well, he was the only one who wanted one. It just so happens they're extending their offer to this year's winners as well.

w00!!!

I'm doing his second cover, quite obviously due to my big mouth, and one for myself. I'll offer to do one for Char too but I'm guessing she'll want to do one herself. Anyway, the point is I'm happy to, um, help out other winners with their books any way that I can. Nano winners gots to stick together. And if you want a pretty bookcover for your finished novel drop me a line. We'll have a little tawk, over some coffee.

More importantly, NaNoWriMo is ancient history and I CAN FINALLY TAKE SOME NEW PICTURES!!! Let me be the first to get a THANK. GOD. up in this beyotch.

My real, live contest with prizes 'n everything!

I'm being inundated with requests to see the book. Basically that's just not going to happen for a couple of very valid reasons, but I've decided to run a contest in lieu of having this discussion... again. Details? Read on. Want to know why I'm not just putting it out there for everyone to read? Read on.

First) it's what they call a Pre-Alpha-Draft™ (okay, maybe that's just what *I'm* calling it). Second) it's chick-lit. No seriously, it reeketh of chick-lit which should automatically turn off a good percentage of you (and make the rest of you want to run out and buy a giant tub of cookie dough ice cream). And third) the (and I use this term loosely) plot took a seriously serious nose-dive around 35,000 words because I stopped caring and just wanted to get the damn thing over. Don't blame me. It's NaNoWriMo and I was totally allowed to do that because that's what re-writes are for.

But I'm definitely getting my month's work printed for free because I can... and if I have anything to say about it (which I do) it's going to have a decent cover. Enter Sir Christopher's comment suggesting that I could run a book-cover design contest, where I give you, my wonderful readers, the option of "designing" a cover for my book. He probably just thought it would be funny to see all the MS Paint and Microsoft Word entries and I don't entirely disagree... which is why I started doing some serious thinking about his idea and have concluded he's on to something. So without further ado I introduce Sophie's Book Cover Design Contest, 2005™.

The prizes (as in, multiple prizes...) for the winner:

1. One pre-alpha-draft of my book in a state of non-revision, non-spell-checkedness, and non-grammar-checked goodness. I'll even sign it if you want me to.


2. One 8x10 print of your choice from my personal collection of photographs


3. And for the runners up (should there be any) I'm offering 1 or more of the 8x10 prints on the right. I've had them delicately packed away on a shelf for some time... and have decided it's time to find them a good home. Or even just any home will do.

Yeah, I don't know if the decision to let anyone read the book is a smart move but I guess all this holiday season joviality is starting to kick in. Anyway, there's prizes to be had and I'd love to be the one giving them.

The rules...

• You may enter as often as you like


• Dimensions for the cover: 1913 x 2925 pixels (6.375" x 9.75") at 300dpi (I'll help you with this part if the design is rad and you're all, huh?)


• Use whatever you like for the design - MS Paint, Word, Photoshop, Illustrator, etc. - so long as it can be transformed in to the above dimensions


• A matching back-cover design is encouraged, but optional


• It's my contest, so I might distribute some of the prints for good effort. Don't be discouraged - if you do something clever in Word you have a fantastic shot at a print! (Clean and eye-catching is highly encouraged though)


• Entries can be submitted to my email address, through the comments, or if you're still completely clueless drop me a line here and I'll help you out


• Contest begins *NOW* and runs through next Tuesday, December 6th


• And basically if I get little or no response I have the option of cancelling the entire thing - so get designing!

What else do you need to know? How about a little about the book!

• The title is Blink


• It's chick-lit


• But smart chick-lit; my characters are smart-mouthed and sassy, but they still like their shoes and tall, dark, and handsome men


• Main character is named Sophie; she's a photographer who's approaching 30 and makes some drastically drastic decisions that completely alter her life


• Some time is spent London and Crete


• My characters, they like their alcohol


• The men, they are foreign

That's really all I've got for you. If you have any questions, let me know. If I get no response, the whole thing is yanked. If you want some book cover inspiration, look here or here. But I have that warm and fuzzy feeling deep in my stomach so I'd really love to give away some prints. Not so much the book, but I'll do it if that's what you want.

Now get designin'!

Sadistic Sophie

Dayum. It is C- to the mother fucking -OLD out there.

An update on the contest. So far there's been one entrant and he's sooooo super stoked about getting a free 8x10 print (cuz if he's stoked about bad chick-lit my head just exploded in to a million tiny little pieces) he's entered himself about 8 times already. And if it's all the same to you guys I'd prefer that he gets a run for his money. Winning by default is never fun. Cuz then you're not really winning, you're just being given something. And it's not cuz of merit, it's a pity gift. And if I was a guy the last thing I'd want is a pity gift. Plus anyone that sits at home, calling in *cough* sick to work, and entering themselves in to my contest 8 times is laughing all the way to the FREE 8x10 print bank.

So let's get some competition up in this beyotch! Rex, Keira, Steve, Welly, pLarge, Char, Raych... I'm talking to all ya'll. Not to mention all the lurkers out there. Maybe if you're a lurker and you win, I should slip a little extra sum'in sum'in in with your print? Hmmm... I'll have to think that one over.

In other news, you know what I love almost beyond life itself? Surprises. Not only do I *love* being surprised, but I also love being the Surpriser. I love it so much it really makes *my* head want to explode in to a million tiny little pieces.

Just thought I'd share.

(This last bit of information is actually totally relevant to a particular something, but since the person it's about reads this blog I can't tell you yet. At least not until after tonight when the surprise is revealed. So basically this is my way of informing you that not only does my heart skip a beat for surprises, but now I get to torture him as well. God I love the torture part.)