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Katrina

Oh man, not having a TV has really sheltered me from everything going on in Louisiana at the moment. I really feel for the people who weren't able to leave. For the people who *chose* to stay and are being asshats, yeah, not so much. But working at a hospital makes the situation acutely painful as I try to imagine the state of chaos for distributing help and medicine.

This was on bbcnews.com today:

My friend Joe passed on this website today and now I'm totally hooked. As he stated, "It's a guy at DirectNIC who is riding out Katrina in their office, he's the crisis manager for the company, and it sounds like zombie hordes, basically. They're barricaded in running on their generators, with guns and ammo to defend themselves, and the looters are controlling the streets and the police aren't in control at all; they're deserting their jobs. Fascinating, scary stuff."

As the blogger spoke today about getting his girlfriend out of the chaos that has become the city I almost started crying *sniff*.

My thoughts are with everyone there.

And, well, ditto.

This post will probably get my website blocked on a few corporate lists

The last episode of Phuntography is coming people, promise. But this morning (is it really September already?) I've awoken to the startling realization that I'm at least a few brain cells shorter in quantity, not to mention quality, than I was yesterday. Needless to say I'd be upset about this situation if only I had the 'upset brain cells' to be upset with. Instead I just don't really care and am happily drinking my orange juice and plotting all the wonderful things that will be done this afternoon with my time off. All hail a little time off. This also means that in lieu of a real post you get a few nibbly recountings of my night out, as I can't be bothered to stitch anything coherent and "value-added" together for you enjoyment.

Friday's are a good day to be hungover, if you could call my current state of airheadedness a hangover. I don't especially *feel* hungover but I *am* certainly ditzier than usual. Ditz, of course being, the Margaret barometer for "been out drinking last night. How drunk was I?" Observe. If I can't be bothered to style my hair, pretty drunk. Walking in to walls, only semi-drunk. Giggling uncontrollably as I recount the episodes the night before to my best friend in an email, baby buzz. Cuz you know, that pretty much happens every time I email her.

So yesterday I was supposed to do a photoshoot with a friend, but that totally fell through and I decided to go get drunk with another friend instead. I mean, why not? This is the part of the story where I should make it very, very clear that I never drink. Ever. My body just doesn't love having alcohol in it, not that it makes me sick or anything, but it much prefers a state of clarity, zen, and intelligence,er,ness. So I rarely, if ever, drink anymore. I must be approaching 30, cuz damn. I can't believe I just said that.

But last night I was happy to get blitzed and contrary to what my friend believes, I do know that 4 gin and tonics in the body of a trim woman who never, ever drinks are *NOT* in fact the equivalent of 4 beers in the body of a tall, full grown man who drinks beer almost every day. This was such a minor detail that I suggested we stay focused and keep drinking... and drinking... and then proceeded on to more drinking punctuated with a few nibbly things thrown in there just so we I wouldn't be sick. Plus we were at Brit's and their sausage rolls, scotch eggs, and fish & chips are so fucking good I could barely stop myself.

The highlight of our spontaneous outing had to be the trip to Sex World. Well!!! He was parked across the street, I needed a few supplies, *AND* that meant I wouldn't have to walk home. Even in my intoxicated state I still think like a champ - let that be a lesson to each and every one of you who goes out with me. The funny thing about going to Sex World is that you usually end up learning allllllll kinds of things about your friends, usually filed under the "too much information" category of course. My friend couldn't be persuaded in to buying anything, probably because his jaw was too agape as he endured a brain overload trying to cope with my virtuous being accompanying him in a sex shop and proceeding to point out all the pro's and con's of the various types of devices on their Gynormous Wall of Pleasure (it's a good thing too, he would have made some classic rookie mistakes).

Oh please, like *you* have never been to a Sex World! I'm just sayin', if you've never been to a Sex World then you haven't lived. And for goodness sakes I'd say upwards of 70% of their merchandise is pink... how could I *not* love a store with such taste? Yeah, did I just say that Sex World has taste? I suppose I did.

Waaaaaait a second, in my airheadedness I made a serious error in one of the above statements. The highlight of last night certainly wasn't the spontaneous shopping spree at Sex World, it was getting home and drunk calling my boyfriend in the middle of the night and, you know, proceeding to giggle at him as I recounted what I had been up to. To be fair I don't remember much of the conversation A) because I was still drunk and B) cuz I was too busy examining my pink purchases.

Ladies... any man who laughs and says, "Baby, just remember to turn it off before you pass out" is worth keeping.

Break blog law: UNITE!

Two years ago the blogosphere was pretty cool - you could go nic a meme from someone's site and fill it out. "Hey man, look at me, I have something to post on my blog today. It's this nifty meme I found and so-and-so's site. THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE should play along. I love kittens too."

Now the memes are all pretentious 'n stuff and you have to be "tagged" to play. I totally wasn't cool enough to do the music meme that all the cool kids did (nor was I cool enough to get picked anything but last whenever we picked teams for kickball in gradeschool, yes, really) but just to prove *I CAN* (suck it, internet) I'm going to fill out this stupid meme. I encourage you to do the same.

I'll be waiting for the meme police to show up if you need to reach me.

10 years ago - Just starting my senior year of High School and applying to many different colleges. Dancing 5 days a week by now and zipping around town in my maroon, 2-door Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais.

5 years ago - Starting my second senior year of college in Eau Claire. Finally making a decision and acting on that whole "major" declaration thing.

1 year ago - Just dyed my hair blonde and red after moving in to a new apartment. Working in my dream career.

Yesterday - Still working in dream career. Took afternoon off to lounge around the house before watching "A Perfect Murder." I seriously love this movie and have watched it at least 2 dozen times.

5 snacks I enjoy - homemade popcorn, movie theater popcorn, toasted garlic & parmesan cheese butter crisps, cookie dough ice cream, and shoot - I can't remember the name of the last one but it's a french pastry filling that's sweet and tastes almondish and marzipan.

5 songs I know all the words to - Mile Long Train by Jimmy Dean, Material Girl by Madonna, iieee by Tori Amos, *every* Britney Spears song, and *every* Christina Aguilera song. *hangs head in shame*

5 things I would do with $100 million dollars - pick up The Tourist Guide, take a 6 month vacation with him, pay off the debt for my close friends and family members, buy 4 new computers (hey, each one would have a very specific purpose OKAY!), take my time thinking about where I'd like to move

5 places I would run away to - London, Sweden, New England, Bordeaux, Prague

5 things I would never wear - spandex, a scrunchy, shoulder pads, 1 or 2 inch heels (it's either no heel or high heel for me), tapered pants

5 favorite TV shows - haven't had TV in years my friend

5 biggest joys - <cheese> The Tourist Guide </cheese>, being in the "creative" zone, donating what I can in the form of designs, words, photographs, etc. to people who genuinely appreciate it, early sunday mornings, and listening to music

5 favorite toys - my computer Shiva, my camera Sophie, my car Bella, the websites, *all* video games

Memoirs of a non-parent, part 1

This weekend some little 12 year old piss-ant told me my precious camera Sophie looked "old and stupid". My bloody expensive Nikon D70 BABY! The audacity of kids these days - whatever happened to respect your elders? Huh? HUH?! What I really wanted to do was smack that kid up, knowing her parents were safely out of hearing distance, after covering poor Sophie's ears and shushing her back in to a statement of silent contentment.

"Um, no. This camera is not old."

"Well it looks old."

"I assure you, it's quite new."

"My dad's is small, silver, and has a digital display."

"Well MINE has a *big ass* digital display, 1 gigabyte memory card, and speedlight that could blind you long enough for me to punch in your sassy little mouth."

"I don't believe you."

"Excuse me?"

"Well if it is new, then it must be retro, cuz it looks old."

(Nevermind that I had *just* cleaned it that morning and had her all spiffied up for a big day of shooting)

"I just bought it. It's new."

"Did you know that you can go online and print photos with digital cameras? You can put them on a website and everything."

That's when I decided I wasn't continuing this conversation with a pre-pubescent, disrespecting little tadpole for even a moment longer and blinded her with a photo before making a hasty exit. Old and stupid. OLD AND STUPID?! I'm very disappointed with the humility in children these days, by and large.

I wonder what sort of parent that will make me... an alcoholic one perhaps?

Qoop

Can I get a, Holy Shit it's about fucking time! up in this beyotch?

Now, if only Flickr will let you print single photos of all shapes and sizes at an affordable price... then, then my friends, then my eyes might just roll back in to my head in utter and total contentment.

UPDATE: According to QOOP's difficult to find and error'd out FAQ page, single prints are coming. This of course means I'll be creating high-res versions of all my photos in case anyone is in the need. You know, besides ME!! w00t!

UPDATE #2: Well bust my buttons. The nice man Bill over at QOOP emailed me and let me know they've fixed their broken FAQ page problem thanks to my big mouth. Is it possible for me to collect a few of your profits for performing that free service for you Bill? Cuz as far as I can tell, business was *damn* good today.

UPDATE #3: Steve has asked me to politely pass to along to QOOP that the word "statement" is misspelled on their order page as well, and that his invoice of 1 billion dollars will be arriving shortly.

UPDATE #4: Well the nice man Bill is back and has offered to give me a free photo book for pointing out their deficiencies (if only my boyfriend would be as thankful, cuz I'm just sayin'). This must be the first time in the history of first times that my big mouth has actually afforded me something more than a scowling look. I must say, I'm very impressed by QOOP and their presence thus far. Nice work guys (and I'll be placing my order later today)!

Sex, drugs, and QOOP

In case you missed all the going's-on around here the past 24 hours, my big mouth went at it again and the end result is a brand spankin' new book of my photoblog photos courtesy of the nice gentlemen at Qoop. I must say I've been rather impressed with their responsiveness thus far and look forward to their product offerings in the near future. Plus they've buttered me up, responded to my criticisms, and given me free stuff so I'm guessing they're all married since they seem to know how to handle women like total pros. Well done chaps, well done. I'll be sure to post a full review of the book when I get it, sometime before the end of next week by the sounds of it. In the meantime do check out their grammatically correct, spell-checked, free of PHP errors site, won't you?

That's not all my sassy mouth has been up to lately. It appears my enthusiastic post about the trip I made to Sex World last week is now making the rounds on mnspeak.com and Minneapolis Metroblogging. This in itself isn't particularly relevant unless you're my mother or father. In which case all those things you taught me about "getting published" are almost bringing you tears, seeing as how you never meant it to be my drunken escapades to the gigantic, pink sex store that got people listening. One day my esteemed self might be fortunate enough to write a doctoral thesis on a mating habits of suburbanite something-er-others, but in the meantime my drunken escapades will have to suffice. At least it's better than getting people talking about those semi nude photographs I posted that generated crazy amounts of traffic. Which is also true, only people have been doing a lot more looking than talking in the latter's case.

But then there was that one time, oh man I love this story, I posted about Gideon Defoe's kick ass book called "Pirates, In an adventure with Scientists" (which, by the way, is extraordinarily fabulous and a *must read* on everyone's list). A few days after the post I had to go and fuck all that up by posting about a series of unfortunate events that led to a very shaved nether-region which was also the day Mr. Defoe decided to stop by my site and say hi.

You know... of allllll the bloody things he could have read on my site it had to be that post. Just my luck. He did say, however, that he would try to include "The pirate with the unfortunate gum-chewing incident" or "The pirate who most loved kittens" in to his next novel which is pretty cool. If I can get him to include "The pirate who most loved pink" in to his third novel my work here will be complete. Wouldn't that be just fabulous? He was likely joking, but just in case he wasn't, that second novel comes out next month at which time I will be first in line Mr. Defoe. Looking forward to it (called "Pirates, in an adventure with Ahab" in case you can't contain your enthusiasm). Very Monty Pythonesque if I do say so myself.

That's all I've got for you today. A little of this, that, and the other thing. Should keep you busy reading for a while. And if you're not in to semi-nude photos or disgraceful posts about gum and/or sex shops check out Char's new photoblog complete with a new name and a new design. Her photos are lovely and it's great to watch her progress each day. Happy reading.

A novel idea

It's just about time to get my head examined. So far as I can tell no one in their right mind would entertain the idea of writing an entire novel in one month. Alas, cruel free-stuff-giving readers, I've sunk to the levels of Steve and Joe and am flirting with the idea of writing a book.

Let's backtrack a bit, shall we?

Last year I spent two months worth of lunches listening to Steve and Joe go on and on about Nanowrimo, National November Novel Writing Month to the uninitiated. Basically the premise is to write a novel (50,000 words) in the month of November. *YAWN*, right? I only pretended to listen because the conversations were always over booze, fried food, and table football. Plus Joe made me the heroine of his story which was pretty cool since I enjoy being the center of attention. The month came to a wrap, both my guys finished their novels (well sort of, but they did their 50 thow) and I gave Steve a spiffy book cover that he had printed and everything. And EVERYTHING! Fun times, fun times.

Let's fast forward to yesterday. Yesterday I got an email from Bill over at Qoop, who's currently residing near the top of my most-emailed-this-week list, and at the end of it he made the remark, "And when you write your first book please let us print it." I actually snorted with laughter, out loud, before moving on to other things.

A few hours later, as I cozily read in bed, I started thinking to myself... "I could do this." And then I remembered Joe wrote a historical piece about flesh eating zombies, including an attack on parliament and several juvenile yet effective jokes about pants. And then I was all, "I can tooooootally do this."

I mean, why not?

There you have it. I'm *flirting* with the idea of writing a book by the end of this year but am coming up against one major obstacle, coincidentally the only obstacle.

I have no plot.

Not only do I have no plot, I have no idea, no characters, no voice, nothing. What I DO have is a shitload of video games that will serve me well when I'm 25,000 words in to this fucker and am looking for ways to procrastinate. I've never thought of myself as a writer but this sounds like fun. You know, if only I HAD A PLOT. I'll take suggestions if you guys have them, any help would be most appreciated. Plus I'd mention you in the credits and when the book is big and famous you can come to my snobby parties. I've thought about this a bit in the past 12 hours and am basically to the conclusion that there will be a few constraints if I can get it done in a month.

1) I'm not writing in dactylic pentameter.
2) Must have a plot.
3) It must be an idea I can really sink my teeth in to.
4) I have to write what I know. There's no time for researching much of anything.

The chance I'll think of a fantastic storyline and bring it all together by November 1st is still less than 40%... but I'm down. I'm hip. I'm with it. So far I've come up with the following ideas:

• The Smart-Mouthed Guide to Getting Free Stuff
• A novel about the pirate with the unfortunate gum-chewing incident
• A love story about 2 people, one English and one American, against all odds
• The Complete and Unabridged Guide to Phuntography
• The Dummy's Guide To Pink
• The Midwestern Guide to Speaking American
• 1,001 Ways to Procrastinate

Phuntography #8) A Phond Pharewell

It's time to say goodbye my phair, phaithphul, phuntography phriends. Phuntography too must come to an end and today is that sad, sad day *insert dramatic sigh*. However in an attempt to distract you from the sadness that is goodbye, today's episode will be set to the tune of "Ooh La la" (please right click and save as or NO MORE PHUNTOGRAPHY FOR YOU!... er, wait...). If a little la la la love isn't your thing then I highly suggest setting today's episode to the tune of Grrrrrrrrr or maybe Mmmmmmm. This won't be a terribly long post, but I wanted to wrap up the series with a few pointers in the general direction of GO! I've shared, now it's only fair for you to do the same.

Quick recap:

1) Clarity Infusion, Serve Chilled
2) Saving Like the Big Dogs
3) Black and White Aversion Diversion
4) Make Lomo Your Bitch
5) You are a Superhero
6) Afterglow
7) A Curve, A Dodge, and a Running Man

I'm sure you're all total pros now when it comes to the art of digital photography, but, what are you supposed to do with your burgeoning collection of photography goodness? Print it out? Door stop? Wall art? Photoblog? Collect dust? ALL OF THE ABOVE, is my answer.

Thing #1: Archive your 35mm photos.
Take all the photos around your house and find 1, 2, or even 10 boxes to keep them in. This might be a serious no-brainer for many of you unless you're my mom. Who keeps her photos stashed in the computer room, in the laundry room, in the kitchen next to the mail slots, on the bulletin board next to her grand children, and probably several other places my father grumbles about under his breath. I bought 6 linen covered boxes at Target at around $3.99 each. They match my bookshelves, they're pretty, and everything is neatly organized and easy to find. w00t!

Thing #2: Print your photos.
Digital photos are becomming increasingly easy to print. We've talked about Qoop almost every day this week, which is extraordinarily fabulous if you have a flickr account. They print books, posters, and have all kinds of other fabulous services to come from what I hear. There's also Ofoto (aka, Kodak Gallery). Print your pictures up to 20x30. Print on a mousepad, mug, or t-shirt. Or just buy 800 cards with your favorite picture of your cat in a santa hat on the front and send them out every Christmas for the next 20 years. Shutterfly is another place to buy prints. For all the above services, 4x6 prints usually run somewhere between .19 and .25 cents per. Not bad at all, I say. Not bad. Upload your image, click, and have them sent to your front door. Something I'm looking in to is printing on canvas, which is increasingly hard to find, but the point is you can print your photos on pretty much anything. Technology is all cool 'n stuff.

Thing #3: Doorstop.
I was sooo just kidding about this one. Don't use your photos as a doorstop. Please.

Thing #4: Share your photos online.
If you're developing 35mm film most developers offer the option of developing to a CD or online gallery. Very, very cool I say. Useful for sharing with friends, family, and the world at large (the crazed stalker Vladimir in Russia).

There's Flickr, which I'm putting at the top of the list for so many reasons. So easy my mom could use it, so accessible even my dad could get to it, and so fabulous I've already made a whole new circle of friends on it. Everyone can do flickr (yes, EVERYONE!), it's free, and it's high time you high-tailed it over there to sign up for a free account.

If you're a little more ambitious you could do a photoblog. Photoblogs are for the snobby who want to present their photos "their way". I, of course, am one of those people and never, for even a moment suggested I was anything but self-centered. I mean obviously. Custom design, custom navigation, custom EVERYTHING, with the ability to drop in an about page, a contact page, the option of purchasing prints, or incorporating it in to another of your existing sites. You can pretty much do anything with a photoblog. Shedloads of work, but quite rewarding if you're in to that whole 'maintaining a website' thing.

Then of course there Blogspot, which is a happy in-between for the aforementioned options. Sign up for a free account, drop the images (flickr images, even) in to your blog entries, and away you go. You can customize the design to an extent and best of all, IT'S FREE! Still can be shedloads of work though.

If I were you, I would let Flickr do all the heavy lifting. Which of course means a bunch of women must have dreamt it up. After nagging their boyfriends / husbands to 'Put the damn photos online already', they just went ahead and created this cool software.

This concludes Phuntography. Please return your seats to their upright positions and have a nice trip.

BM, you're *HOT*!

If you don't know macs, then this isn't for you. If you *do* know Apple, then you simply must read The iTunes 5 Announcement From the Perspective of an Anthropomorphized Brushed Metal User Interface Theme.

Holy god I laughed out loud when I read it. So funny. Sooooo so funny.

Hey, this could totally be the idea for my novel I was looking for!

A design is like a box of chocolates

Haven't done much pimping around here in a while, but today is a day for pimpage. I promised Roger (Wellington) a new design for his super-secret site ages ago, and now that he's releasing a veritable novel on it it was time for me to pull through and give him something fantastic.

And when I got done we celebrated with a *lot* of wine. Celebration *might* be my new favorite part of the design process.

He says it looks like a box of chocolates and I don't totally disagree. Enjoy!

The Pirate Who Most Loved Kittens and Sunsets

Project Novel™ is officially running full steam ahead and appears to be right on schedule for, well, November. I've had some great input from everyone and will likely be collecting ideas right up until November 1st at midnight (that's when I can officially start writing this blasted thing). End date is November 30th at midnight. In case you need to reach either me or Steve that month, well, don't.

It also appears that I've inherited some sort of gift for *timing* from my father, only not in the way his timing kills on jokes. Seriously, the guy is bloody funny and my brothers went and hogged all the good genes for themselves. Yeah, not so much me. My timing is more like, 'Tell embarrassing story to best friend, find out "Publish to the Entire World" was accidentally switched on, and a movie deal starring Gwyneth Paltrow as the heroine who gets gum stuck in her nether-regions is in the works. Hilarity ensues. World wants to know what kind of gum I chew. Endorsement deals ensue.' It always works out well in the end, see.

Anyway...

Remember talking about my good bud Gideon the other day? In the past year he hasn't given my site a second look, that is, until I went and blabbed about his book again. Which also happened to be the day before I posted about Project Novel™. Gideon's a cool guy, that's why we get along.... only his coolness in embarrassing situations *almost* outweighs my ability to stumble right on in to them. His Book 2 comes out next month and he's promised me an advance copy of his Book 3 a full year early *JUST* to prove that he included The Pirate Who Must Loved Kittens and Sunsets. Just. For. Me. How fucking cool is THAT?!!!

Er, except for one thing. One small thing. See, I have to write my novel and send it to him to get it. HA! Let's break it down for a moment, shall we?

1 month +
50,000 words +
1700 words per day +
3 boxes of White Cheddar Cheezits +
Roughly 3.5 hours of writing per day for 30 days =

EQUALS a veritable fuckton of work just so I can read one sentence including The Pirate Who Must Loved Kittens and Sunsets a year before anyone else. (That's well over 100 hours if you lost track on fingers and toes.) But since you are reading this stupid entry, this means you probably know me. In which case you know I'm an anal-retentive perfectionist who will probably double the amount of work just to spit out something worth Gid's read-time (he and I are on a first name basis, in case you didn't notice). I also plan on documenting the entire process and posting new video game time-records along the way. Wouldn't want you to miss out on all the novel writing fun.

But I'm doing it. 2006 will be the year I got my photography published, got free shit, wrote a novel, became an author, did about 3096 designs, got a new job, bought a new car, went to England, inspired the heroine in at least 2 novels, read about 3 dozen books, and went to Florida.

Anyone catch that last bit ;)?

Le Blesséd Event™

Oh holy lord. As Steve said, "Mother's lock up your sons. Wives keep a good eye on your husbands." Le Serial Cynica (Keira) and I are arranging another Le Blesséd Event™ in a month's time and there ain't nothing you can do to stop us. Unless of course it's while we're on our way to the bar and you're offering to pick up the tab.

How do I know Keira? We met in college in one of our dopey programming classes. We mostly never went to class and cheated off of each other as much as possible, which of course is why we got along so well. We understand each other. A little give, a little take, a puff of this, a shot of that, and we're toast. We may not have spent much time together actually attending class unless we were collectively hung over, too hung over in fact to forget we never went to class, but we did see an awful lot of each other when we partied. Oh the partying. The tables we danced on, the hearts we broke, the hot little outfits we wore, the cross country trip... *sigh*. Due to our antics I actually had my 3 roommates believing I was a well-paid stripper. An understood arrangement, of course, cuz they never asked and I never told. Oh the fun I had with those roommates. Ha ha... good times, good times. I'm sorry, my eyes are glazing over in happiness as I remember the freedom of being 23 again.

Digressing...

As I was saying, I've known Keira for a long time. She's gorgeous, witty, incredibly funny, has an insatiable need for getting everything free, has the mouth of a soapbox sailor, and in short is basically my twin sister. Only I'm the well-behaved one. She has a birthday coming up, I have a birthday coming up, and we are looking to make Trouble with a capital Awwyeah. She lives in Orlando which means her flying to Minneapolis is strictly out of the question under every circumstance. Florida it is and what with my impending novel in the works we have some *SERIOUS*, serious research to do if I'm going to get the darn thing right.

On the agenda:

• Chocolate birthday cake substituted with a chocolate godiva martini.
• Getting drunk in Orlando.
• Getting drunk in Miami
• Passing out in some ridiculously lavish hotel in South Beach.
• Men of any kind strictly prohibited unless buying the drinks, lavishing the gifts, or getting drunk called by their giggling women at 3am EST.
• Sex World (pink, if possible).
• As my birthday gift to Keira I will be taking sexy, naughty photos of her so she can blow them up and hang them in her bedroom. You know, so they're all life-size 'n stuff.
• LOTS and lots of pictures which may or may not ever make it to my websites.

I'll refrain from telling you the rest as I'd rather not get arrested before the trip. But I assure you, fun will be had and aliases will be used. Oh yes, there is much fun to be had. Hee hee, Happy Birthday to us!

onestringofwords

today i'm gearing up for project novel by giving you onestringofwords which roughly translates in to write write write write write don't stop but i'm only doing this cuz i'm lazy and can't think of anything else to post today so as i force myself to keep typing i'm forced to keep using conjunctions or at least as many of them as possible and as much as i'd like to think that my novel will be fabulous it's possible i could keep this up for at least 20 thousand words which really would make for an excellent unique idea but however much i'd like to entertain that thought i'm being extremely distracted by the color called puke green adorning my latest design here at work which coincidentally is lining the background of my monitor and in case you were wondering it's aptly named so by yours truly and this color is the reason why my eye keeps travelling to the top of the page but since it wasn't my choice i can totally point fingers and blame someone else on the mishap that is puke green on a design but the fact that my eyes keep travelling to the top of the page must also be seriously considered so perhaps the person who chose it earned their wages for this month and if you really think about it at the end of the day this could make for an interesting design for sopheava dot com because wouldn't you just love to come to my site every day and look at puke green cuz i know you would and yet there's still alternatives to puke green some of which could be mucous yellow or poopey brown but then there's always moldy blue or ear wax orange but luckily i love pink and pink is what you get

A request for contributions

Today I'm invoking my right as a blogger to market a new "Get Rachel (Yumjunkie) to visit Margaret the weekend of her birthday, Margaret's birthday, that is" campaign. I know it's a long name for a slogan but the point is there is alcohol to be consumed and fun to be had. Plus it has to happen in October before I become temporarily insane. And wouldn't it be cool if it happened the weekend of my birthday (if for no other fact than we can explain anything we get up to as "Well, it was her/my birthday!!!!").

I've never met a fellow blogger before. I mean, I know Steve and he's a blogger photoblogger but I knew him before he started blogging so that totally doesn't count. Hmmm, shouldn't there be a name for the state one's in before they become a blogger besides Pre-Blogger? Oh wait, there is! Before he got a blog he was a Curmudgeonous Psycho but now he's just "a blogger". Funny how that works, really.

Right, but if meeting her weren't cool enough I think it's hilarious that the only reason she and I know each other is cuz she DATED Steve about 10 years ago. As in, literally, the poor thing.

I don't know what all of this could mean for my blog. First there's Le Blessed Event™ beginning October 13th and the weekend after *will be* when Rachel comes to visit. There will be decadence. There might be a visit to The Big Pink House of Pleasure that is Sex World. And there most certainly will be alcohol. Oh yes, there will be alcohol.

In other news, do you know how cool it is to work in the same building as the Professional Education people? They're always supplying their classes with endless amounts of donuts, pizzas, fruit, coffee, cookies, muffins, and all around yumminess. Which of *course* means that the Marketing department gets all the leftovers. Mmmmm... I just had a glazed, cherry cake thingy that was so extraordinarily delishious that I need to go slip in to a cake coma now.

FREE SEND RACHEL!

Officially official

I'd like to take this opportunity to give Steve credit for a new verb. That's right, my friends are so cool they think up new words. His word?: "Jean-Benet-Ramsey".

Observe *ah hem*...

"Didn't you know? Her mom used to Jean-Benet-Ramsey her when she was little!"

Yeah, that just struck my Friday Funnies.

Lumieremania, Part 1

I've recently been going through all the photos on my photoblog and thinking to myself, "Hmmmm, this would make a lovely wallpaper for my desktop." Plus I'm just hugely selfish and want high res versions so I can blow a few of them up. Consequently this week has turned in to Lumieremania™ where I'm giving YOU, fair readers, the opportunity to download large versions for your desktop each and *EVERY* day (um, except for the one of the moon which I nic'd from Steve, and he won't mind cuz I give him lots of free stuff). And not just one, I'm giving you at least 6, SIX!, each day. I'm also taking requests so if anyone has one in particular they'd like to see, leave a comment below. If they need something higher than a 1024 x 768, shoot me a comment or email and I'm happy to accomodate your each and every desire.

Do enjoy the first batch, available for a limited time only.

Happy Half-Anniversary, Love Qoop (in the key of Lumieremania, Part 2)

Today is the 6 month anniversary of my photoblog Sopheava de Lumiere. It might not seem like that big of a deal but it totally is. Not only has the stupid thing sucked disgusting amounts of money right out of my bank account mostly in the name of Amazon, but I've also been forced to do photoshoot after photoshoot with Steve. I know, right?! Actually it has been a wonderful 6 months and I've enjoyed every second of it. Especially when I got my Nikon D70 - Sophie. *happy place...*

So anyway, if you'll stretch your memories a bit about a week and a half ago I posted about Qoop, a fabulous little company out of California allowing Flickr users to print their photos. The nice chaps there offered me a free book of photos for doing them a little favor and saying all sorts of nice things to every single person I know. GUESS WHAT I GOT IN THE MAIL ON FRIDAY?! That's right, my book arrived... my lovely, gorgeous, wonderfully wonderful book of photos documenting the first 6 months of my baby's existance. I'm feeling all published 'n stuff now.

The cover of the book is stunning - laminated and very crisp. What's really impressed me is the quality of photos inside the book. Granted it's no published hardcover like Annie Liebovitz's works but each and every photo was printed from the 540 x 400 resolution version I posted on Flickr (don't ask me why, it's just what I chose). And can I get a gah damn? Cuz the crispness is almost equal to that of crunchy bacon. And I love me some crunchy bacon. SCHLP! Seriously though, anyone who knows anything about resolutions and printing knows that's a minor miracle. Well done Qoop, well done.

So now you know the reason I'm giving you 30 desktops this week.. it's a half-birthday celebration around here and is my way of showering you, special readers, with gifts. Yes I know there's no cake but I'm giving you 30 things to open this week. And who doesn't like to open presents? ZOMBIES I tell you! Without further nonsense, I give you today's wallpapers (yeah, well, the baseball is in there cuz I figure my big bro or Steve will be interested in that more than the flowers, but not so much the Englishmen in my life).

Lumieremania, Part 3

Today's desktops early so you can enjoy them alllllllllll day long.

A glimpse in my world

My thoughts about 5 months ago...

Hey look, the geese are back. I hope one doesn't try to bite me. Man they sure are cute even if they do look ferocious. Uh oh... there's only 3 and I've heard that if one loses its mate that it gets depressed and dies of sadness. Oh god oh god I think I'm going to cry. Whew, there's the 4th one. Maybe I should buy some bread, befriend one, and give it to Steve as a birthday present complete with a pink diamond collar.

My thoughts last week...

JESUS LORD look at all the fucking geese all walking in the road and in front of cars and trains. It's like they've multiplied or som-.... HEY! Waaaaaaait a second!!! I think they DID multiply!

Yeah, I'm not the brightest lightbulb. Obviously.

Lumieremania, Part 4

Only one more day of desktops, plus today you get an *extra* image. The King Koopa of images. The Power-Up of images. The One-Up of images. So much love this week.... so... much... love.

Today I'm having a minor heart attack as I woke up realizing that for the entire month of November I will be too busy playing mentally insane to take much of anything in the way of pictures. And since I like to mix it up old school style and keep things fresh for you guys, I'm suddenly realizing that I need to gather a *lot* of new material for the photoblog over the next 40 days. Unless of course you want to see pictures of me on my couch, wrapped up in my favorite blanket and munching on White Cheddar Cheezits for 30 days straight. I might show you blurry pictures of my manuscript as well. Alternatively you can get pictures of me banging my head against the heavy wooden coffee table or I'll just have to risk possible jail time and post archives from my trip to Florida in a few weeks or from the weekend when Raych comes to visit. I also plan on writing as many run-on sentences as possible in the month of November if only to irritate you juuuuuust a little bit. Have to keep you guys paying attention somehow.

So there you have it. If I see *YOU* in the next 40 days you can safely bet I'll take at least a dozen portraits. In fact, if November weren't already Novel Writing Month I'd make it Portrait Month.

ANYWAY, enjoy today's wallpapers. And remember to always leave your house with brushed hair, just in case.

Lumieremania, The Grand Finale

Last day of desktop images. In case you missed the previous 4 days you can find them here, here, here, and here. More to say soon, but tonight I'm watching Vanilla Sky. Ok a seriously crazy movie and I'm definintely intrigued enough to see how it ends. So you know, we'll talk soon.

Much ado about nothing

So here's the thing, all week I've been busting my ass at that thing called a job which is why I haven't been able to post anything, well, at all. Unless of course you want to hear about ... you know what, nevermind. Apparently my brain only functions when it's applying its mighty force to one end, which I might add, has been neatly wrapped up in a huge purple and green bow as of yesterday afternoon. That's right, I rock in many different ways.

Ok this just isn't working for me. You? Today's post will be so much more interesting set to music - don't you agree (plus I feel ridiculously guilty for not posting anything more than a couple of stupid pictures for a full week)? Therefore I will bribe you with give you today's soundtrack. Right-click and save-as unless you want another full week of pictures. And I promise you they won't be good ones!

• My Heart Is Beating Fast - I figure everyone could use a little something that might make you want to spin around in your living room until you get dizzy enough to collapse
• Everything In Its Right Place - This is my anthem for the week
• DARE - This is one of those songs that Steve will kick my ass for cuz it'll get in his head and will pick at him until he rants and raves to some poor unsuspecting receptioninst soul about how much he hates this song (Bubble Pop Electric, by Gwen Stefani, is another good example)
• Breathe Me - The woman of the moment apparently. Former (or current, if they're still together but I just can't keep up) frontwoman of Zero 7
• Just Chillin' - You're not allowed to download this one unless your name begins with a Rachel, Char, or Keira

Now then, back to today. I can always think of about a 100 things to post throughout the course of every day but when it comes right down to writing I'm, how can I put this? Well, bored. Plus I don't want to be one of those bloggers who just rants and bitches in EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMNED POST cuz really, what's the point? So instead we'll talk a bit about something gloriously exciting like... Vanilla Sky.

Ok no really. Yesterday I went to the store to pick up goodies for Miss Keira's birthday (which is on Monday, I might add) and I saw Vanilla Sky sitting on the $5 dollar rack. I must be the only person on this planet who hasn't seen this movie and was all, "Why not? I can't bloody watch The Hitchhikers's Guide To The Galaxy until December when The Tourist Guide comes to visit A.N.Y.W.A.Y.!!!" I promise I'm not bitching about that last part since I was the one who willingly entered in to the agreement, punishable in many unmentionable ways... but... ya'know? The point is that I was thinking about Vanilla Sky a few days ago for no apparent reason and there it sat, beckoning me, on the $5 dollar rack.

So last night I curled up in my most favorite fleece blanket on my couch (I call it The Kitty Blanket™ because it has a huge great picture of a lion on it... and yeah, don't ask) and watched Vanilla Sky. It seems there are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who loved Vanilla Sky and those who hated Vanilla Sky. I happily associate myself with the group that tries to use the words Vanilla Sky in italics as much as possible on her website because she loooooved Vanilla Sky so much. I love the way it was shot, that it felt like each scene could have been paused and made in to a photograph at any moment, that I wouldn't let anyone spoil the movie for me so it was all a huge surprise, the colors, *some* of the music, the characters, and especially the ending. I didn't so much love the movie until the end and then, yeah. That just did it for me. However I've also in my time greatly enjoyed the movies 13 Going On 30, The Mummy Returns, Mission Impossible II, Mean Girls, and Closer. So you know, take my microreview for what it's worth.

And one final tip. If you're buying wrapping paper for your best friend's gifts I highly recommend buying it on a roll since the flat kind is CREASED and makes your gifts look like your boyfriend wrapped them. Sorry Keira... I did my best to tidy it all up with lots of little bows but there's only so much I can do with creased wrapping paper.

Happy weekending everyone.

The Big 3-Oh

Today is my very best friend's birthday! That's right, Miss Keira aka Le Serial Cynica turns 30 TODAY!!!!! In order to kickstart Le Blessed Event™ off on the right foot, I thought something along the lines of, *ah hem*, this (see below) might do the trick. We'll call him Ruby. And boy does he have a a little something special for you! And by little, I don't mean little. Just make sure you answer your door when the, um, "mailman" shows up today.

Happy birthday chica-all-grown-up-and-mature-now-ita!

Proximity observation (it's not my fault, ergo I'm not dropping any eaves)

In the scene which sparked an audible laugh, I have a new favorite movie moment (courtesy of Vanilla Sky of course). Picture Tom Cruise and (his best friend) Jason Lee sitting in a cafe. Mmmmmmm....

Tom Cruise looks at his friend and says, "How are you?"

Jason Lee says, "I'm fine."

Tom Cruise says, "No really, HOW... are... you?", a phrase referencing the fact he just callously stole the one woman Ben Lee fell in love with at first sight [Author's note: is it wrong that I just typed "site"? Perhaps I need to step away from the computer for a few hours].

Jason Lee says, "I'm fine, really. It was nothing. Just a.... proximity infatuation."

This is the point in which he turns his head and says to the guy diligently and fervently writing at the table behind them, "You can't use that, my friend, that's mine."

Que the writer putting down his pen, well, rather forcefully. I nearly died of laughter and actually did fall off my couch I was laughing so hard. Do you want to know why? I'll tell you why! That scene is soooo my life now. I'm constantly snooping and observing conversations everywhere I go like a writer in heat.

The people in line in front of me at Chipotle? That might become a whole chapter in my book where the office klutz who, perhaps after a makeover starts to resemble a young and straight Tom Cruise, tries to pick up on the hot receptionist, who looks like Nicole Ritchie with brown hair and needs to perhaps order 2 burritos.

That IM conversation I had with Welly a few weeks ago? Not to say I "saved" it per se, but I definitely wrote down the idea of getting pissed on 3 glasses of wine and proceeding to giggle incoherently via a typed conversation with someone halfway around the world all whilst somehow maintaining a keen sense of spell-check.

Yeah, I'm getting bad. Elevators. Car washes. Gas stations. Rush hour traffic. So now I keep a book in my purse where I'm writing down ideas for Project Novel™. This, my friends, is ground zero for the research happening occuring over the course of the next 4 weeks (and of course the catalyst for some serious magic happening). Do watch out what you say at the hairdresser's this weekend... because for the next 35 days nothing is sacred.

*insert evil laugh here*

Backdrifting.

If you've been reading this website for any length of time you know I'm completely obsessed with music, which is putting it mildly. I live and breathe for what music does to me, which is ironic since I don't take medication, drugs, over-the-counter anything and keep my body in pristine natural order. In fact, it has been over a year since the last time I got sick. I also don't drink coffee and drink alcohol only rarely because, ya'know? My body just doesn't love being altered in any way, shape or form. Which is totally ironic because when I listen to music I'm like Kate Moss flipping off Burberry, H&M, and at least 3 other labels paying me $3 mill just to stand there with their overpriced, tacky shit. Actually I'm more like a spaced out hippie asking everyone if they'd like some weed with their kittens when I'm high on music... so I guess that pretty much means I'm constantly in that warm and fuzzy place. Every moment of my life is set to my own personal soundtrack, a soundtrack that makes no apologies. Music makes me happy.

It's only natural that someone with her head up music's ass 98% of the time would find some interesting people / groups / things to listen to. It's not that I go out searching for "indie" or "alternative" genres because I'm not that distraught, cliched artist... but ya'know? Britney Spears only gets me so far and then I have to put in something hard and ridiculous so I don't want to find someone named Cletus, get some saggy implants, and sell my kid to make a buck, all before clawing my eyes out from doing nothing with my life. At all.

But in all my years of intimately romancing music (wait for it.... wait for it....) I've never been in to Radiohead. I've really, reaaaaaally tried to like them and my old friend Dave probably takes it as a personal attack that I could never mold myself in to a Radiohead groupie, but there you have it. I like what I like when I like it. I do apologize to all the people I've hurt over the years with my non-liking-Radiohead tendencies. It's my disease. I was born this way. It's not my fault.

Almost 2 weeks ago Steve picked me up in his car and we went out night shooting. We're all, or rather HE'S all, driving across the Mississippi 'n stuff when I start to realize that whatever it is ebbing out of the speakers is, AMAZINGLY, something I don't recognize!!! And let me just tell you that that NEVER happens! So obviously I'm intrigued.

"Hey Steve, what is this? I really like it. It's all good 'n stuff."

"It's Radiohead."

That's when he had to stop the car and pick my remains off the Hennepin Avenue bridge because my head neatly exploded.

"It's WHAT?!"

"Radiohead."

"But... I don't *do* Radiohead."

"Good, isn't it?"

"But... but... Radiohead?"

"Is there an echo in here? I'll put some out on my server for you later."

Three albums and one mix folder later I'm totally in a Radiohead haze. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I have to mix it up with a little tortured female artist, sold-out female artist, and the occasional European boy-band, but for the most part I've spent the last 13 days listening to Radiohead non-stop.

WHAT'S..... HAPPENING TO ME?!! I feel all weird 'n stuff. Radiohead? Radiohead? I... like Radiohead. I... like Radiohead? I like Radiohead. (Weird.) This is just too trippy.

But just in case you're wondering, you should definitely check out the following songs (my first and short list, because obviously there's too much Radiohead to love, so today you get 5 songs). Which I might consider sharing later if you guys need Radiohead like a kitten needs its weed.

-- Everything In Its Right Place
-- Backdrifts
-- 2+2=5
-- I Might Be Wrong
-- Go To Sleep

Ok wait, there's a 6th one. I'm sorry, but the song "Street Spirit" needs to make the short list as well. It's obvious there's no hope for me.... just, let me have my Radiohead.

(I seriously can't believe I just wrote that. No really. Seriously.)

Sophie's Book Club

Ugh. Tori compelled me. Yes it's true, I'm now the proud owner of the following books NO THANKS TO TORI AMOS (and a little help from Steve, but not so much really)!

• Anansi Boys
• Neverwhere
• American Gods

You know, I never, ever, ever would have read those books unless all that blahblitty blah de blah about Tori and Neil being best friends that came dancing out of Steve's mouth. There's no hope for me when it comes to Tori. None. Save yourselves, really.

I'm not done yet. If you factor in the following books I feel like I'm *right* back in literature class in college. Only wait, I didn't even take a literature class in college (other than English-whatever-its-name-was 101). Currently en-queue we have...

• Eragon (which I'm currently re-reading cuz I read it so long ago I'll be lost if I pick up his second book without a little refresher course first)
• Inheritance (the 2nd book after Eragon, which I plan to have finished within the next week if only to get my sticky little hands on the next book on my list, by Diana Gabaldon. I would never, ever make myself wait for the goodness that is Diana. Ever.)
• A Breath of Snow and Ashes (which will be completed by October 8th, guaranfuckingteed)
• The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab: A novel
• Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell (but I safely give myself until the end of the year to finish this one, and not just because it's as big as a fucking doorstop)
• The Historian

That's 9 books to finish by Christmas, totally do-able in my world. But we have a few late additions as well...

• There's Steve's next Nanowrimo novel, which I will of course be first in line for
• Char's Nanowrimo novel, which if she really does decide to share I will also be first in line for
• My own Nanowrimo novel, which counts as a read cuz inherent in the whole writing process is the actual reading of one's own work
• And if Joe decides to write his Nanowrimo novel about Centruck (it's half man, half truck) I'll be reading that as well (yes, really... half man, half truck)

Ok so technically that means I'm reading 11 novels in the next 3 months with 2 as alternates (in the event of). I highly encourage you to read something other than this silly website as well (and for Steve's sake, try to make it a Dan Brown or JK Rowling book won't you?). It'll be good for your constitution 'n stuff. In case you need to reach me I will also be curing world hunger and spreading world peace.

I'll be eating yogurt for dinner from now on

You know what's freaky? It was exactly one year ago to the day I had my last brush with death.

Two nights ago I came home from work, toasted a yummy garlic spiced bagel, and started a fire in my kitchen. I might be a little on the dramatic side when I say fire in my kitchen, but the fact is there really was a fire in my kitchen no thanks to the toastation of the bagel. In my kitchen. From what I could tell it looked like one of the toasty pieces of garlic fell off the bagel right on the hot coil and boom! Fire.

Coincidentally I was standing in front of the toaster oven with a gynormous pitcher of cold water in my hand, watching with mouth agape. I just stood there. Like a fool. I knew better than to dump the pitcher of water on it... but ya'know? My whole life flashed before my eyes and then click. The toaster clicked on the "done" position, the coil turned off, the fire went out, and I crapped my pants. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I figured out the bagel was fucking done all on my own without the toaster having to fucking click in my face like that.

What are the odds? One year to the DAY.

What's your function?

I'm out. Alllll fucking out of pictures. Dried up.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're saying to yourselves, "What a load of crap. There's probably hundreds if not thousands of photos we haven't seen!" And in response, I would tell you that you're absolutely correct. I would also remind you that you've probably never met me because if you had you would know I'm my own worst critic. I mean the whole point of doing the photoblog and getting Sophie was that I wanted to start pushing myself. Pushing beyond the normal birthday party, family fluff and straight on in to some really interesting stuff. In to the deep, dark realms of how to make the relatively normal birthday party and family fluff interesting. How to twist it with just a few adjustments to the highly sensitive, overpriced camera wrapped around my neck without wanting to use the neck strap for its alternate purpose. To strangle myself when I'm out of photos and blogging about my frustrations. Erm, yeah.

Plus if you know me, you know I love manipulating things. Natches ;-).

Today I woke up feeling dried up and all out of photos to present. I mean, yesterday I posted a photo of monkeys for chirstsake. MONKEYS! So instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for my photography self I'm taking this dried up *opportunity* to lead a mini-Sophie-expedition (which after all is the very reason I started this stupid hobby in the first place). Tomorrow I'm going shooting with Steve, but doing oooonly that would be the easy way out. So instead I'm coming up with a few explorative action items between the now and the then.

First, tonight I'm going to do a self-portrait session. Vain? Possibly. However I might remind you bitches that I live alone; ergo, I spend 98% of my time ALONE. Yeah. So you see I have to photograph what's available to me. Besides, I make a pretty subject 'n stuff.

Second, tomorrow I'm getting my hair done. Wouldn't you love to see my coif all blue and wine-colored piled on top of my head in a serious attempt to contact alien intelligence? I bet you would. Getting a load of the crazies in the salon would be too much fun to share. They're cool, you'll approve.

Third, Steve's driving to Le Secret Destination tomorrow. It's gonna be a bit of a drive so I'm thinking we need to just randomly stop the car on the side of the road and take pictures. You know, pictures of stuff. Anything and everything. Jumping, laughing, trees, lines, whatever. Which leads me to...

Fourth, whenever we go out shooting we do the token "Smile" shot and get an average of roughly a half-dozen of each other out of 200. Ok, what the fuck is that about? I'm going to make that bitch take a whole buncha photos of me tomorrow AND I'm going to take a bunch of pictures of him too. Why? Because I bloody well can. And everyone knows that what Margaret wants, Margaret gets. Plus I'll have just had my hair beautifully colored, cut, and styled. So that's an added bonus.

It's been 6 months since I started my photoblog and it's high time I started acting like it. Do stay tuned to see if I can put my money where my mouth is.

Sophie Warhol

(Click to embiggen)

This one goes out to my girl in Florida. I ♥ you. You complete me.