Home :: About :: Contact :: Archives :: Thumbs

Phuntography #5) You are a superhero

Last week's episode of Phuntography went over real, real well. I got a couple emails from people fake lomo'ing their photos and must say ya'll are a bunch of overachievers. Well done chaps, well done. In case you've missed the previous episodes we've covered the following:

Phuntography 1) Clarity infusion
Phuntography 2) Saving like the big dogs
Phuntography 3) Black and white, Ow!
Phuntography 4) Make lomo your bitch

We'll take a brief break from the photoshop tutorials to discuss insider secrets. Before I get stoned let me just reiterate that these tips are intended for *any* user, not just the snobby "I have so much money I have nothing better to do than buy expensive cameras I don't know how to use and then call myself a photographer" types of pictures takers. We won't even call those people photographers. Erm, but just in case you *are* one of those people and have a spare 70-300mm Nikor lens sitting around you know how to reach me *thankssomuch*.

The last time I went home to visit my family my mom said, "My pictures are boring. I can't shoot like you do." And then she sighed the distinct sigh of a frustrated photographer who visits my website and thinks I perform ancient druidic magic. My goal here isn't to shatter that colorful illusion but only to impart a few lame b.s. secrets of the trade. Like He-Man says, "By the power of Greyskull!" Or wait, no, wrong one. He says, "I have the power." He was a smart, overachieving chap as well. Obviously. So... this is what I told my mom just before she became empowered enough to lead me around her house by the elbow and demand use of my precious Sophie.

FIRST of all, I'm anal retentive. I spend hours pushing pixels and should be called a Pixel Pusher™. Which might in fact make me your dealer. Huh huh, I like always wanted to be a dealer 'n stuff. Hours have been logged practicing and repracticing (can one repractice, I ask of you?). And while I'm an enthused amateur I still have lots to learn. Shoot to love, is my advice.

SECOND of all, my rate of success on a roll of film is about 10%. For example, take a roll of 24 pictures and I'll be happy with about 2 or 3 of the finished products. Yeah, roll those numbers around just before you drop-kick frustration.

THIRD of all... shit. I got so excited about being your dealer I forgot #3. Ah well, my point is that there is stuff to be shared. And I know how much you love fun stuff so lets get on with it, shall we?

Tip #1: Look around for light and shadows. This is nature's way of attempting to drop 5-star photos in your lap without having to stuff a $20 down her you-know-what. Do yourself a favor and forgo that extra work for the cheap & easy hits.

Tip #2: A tripod keeps things steady. Plus it allows you to take naked self-portraits and full family shots. I got this one for $12.34 on Amazon *and* it came with a carrying case. Excuse me, a FUCKING carrying case.

Tip #3: Expensive cameras don't always mean better pictures. If you've been experimenting for a while and just can't do it right you might want to check between the shutter and the neck-strap for the problem. I took this picture with a cheapie digital. Sit down and figure out what works about your camera and work with it.

Tip #4: Use the flash on bright, sunshinie days so you don't end up with face shadows This is an easy one to miss - too easy in fact, since that darn sun is all bright and shiny (oooooh, bright shiny things!).

And now for a puppy-love break *que elevator musak....*

Tip #5: Turn *OFF* the flash and see what happens. Many of my better pictures happened when I simply turned off the flash. Turn it off in the dark, turn it off in the light. Turn it all off then shake it through the night. Ba dum bum.

Tip #6: Be sneaky. Turn off the flash and go public places. Shoot from the hip, set your camera on the bar and snap off a couple, or if you have one of them new fangled expensive cameras that shoots extremely fast take 4 or 5 pictures while your subject thinks you're getting ready for the shot. The non-posing pictures often have a "real" flavor that posed pictures can't pull off. Plus people clam up if they think you're shooting them, it's probably someone's law. So play the fool and pretend you can't figure out your equipment (guys, this one should be especially easy for you to pull off) all the while taking secret squirrel shots. You may thank me later.

Tip #7: Kind of like blogging, if you're taking pictures just so you can hear everyone tell you what a fabulous photographer you are then you'll be disappointed. Find out why you enjoy taking photographs and stick with it.

Tip #8: All that shutter speed, aperture, f-stop setting mumbo jumbo sure can be confusing... so throw it all out the window and just start screwing with shit. How else will you learn? Plus when someone asks you how you got such an awesome photo you can say, "Well... it's really technical but basically I adjusted some of the more sensitive pieces of the camera." Make that your mantra, plus you won't be lying.

Tip #9: Check out the manual. Your camera probably has some cool, ultra-mod built in features that will give you cool effects at the touch of a button. And if you're anything like Le Tourist Guide™ I bet you love pushing my buttons.

Tip #10: The more pics you take, the higher your percentage of winning photos. Hot chicks love winners, so get clicking.

Tip #11: Look around. Look up and take pictures of tree's and clouds. Look down and get the street. Climb stairs, lay in a field of mysterious, hopefully non-poisonous brown things, and take pictures of other photographers. The world is your subject.

Tip #12: No fear. If needed, I will supply a cape and an unofficial superhero name for your burgeoning adventures.

I have at least 3 more episodes of Phuntography left which means we're coming down the stretch. Anyone with requests 'aught to submit them now. Peace, love, and with a big Sophie shove get shooting already.