Montly archives
Sophie's gone AWOL
Which means I (Roger - occassionally known as Wellington) get to guest post - yay!
And what better way to begin than with the traditional...
Appetizer
Where do you plan to go on vacation this year, or where would you want to go?
hmmm... well if we're talking an ideal vacation, I've always fancied a tour of the big old cities in Europe - taking in Paris, Vienna, Rome, Barcelona and London - preferably with a couple of months to really appreciate it, and my girly by my side.
Soup
What color is your bedroom? If you could redecorate it, what would you change?
I have issues with my bedroom colour - I rent a house, and I'm pretty much stuck with this dreadful vaguely-green textured wallpaper. It's pretty hideous, quite frankly, and I'd give the entire room a makeover given the opportunity - the carpet was so awful I've covered it almost completely in nice rugs!
Salad
Do you have a bumper sticker on your vehicle? What does it say?
I have no bumper sticker. Bumper stickers are for the intellectually challenged, almost as bad as signs on your work desk saying "you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps". I despair, I really do. If I HAD to have one, though, it would almost certainly say "Kick Me".
Main Course
What's the worst pain you've ever been in?
That would have been when I caught shingles, which is a strain of chicken pox. It's a nasty, brutal little disease, and gave me these horrible blisters on my forehead (all gone now thankfully - I am, of course, beautiful). It was absolute, searing agony, and left a faint, indented scar on my forehead that's still visible if you get up close. My grandma once told me that if you get them on your tummy (which apparently is more common), and they go right round and join up, it kills you. I suspect this was rubbish, though fascinating...
Dessert
Who is your favorite celebrity? What do they do that inspires you?
Tricky one, this, as I like people for different reasons. Being a sad old fanboy, I'd be quite happy to share an adventure or two with Doctor Who (any of the nine of them). Then maybe that sexy little shoplifter Winona Ryder to greet me enthusiastically upon my return. I'm also rather partial to Dick Dastardly and Muttley (and would love a ride in the Mean Machine), and would love to meet Laurel & Hardy in their heyday.
hmmm... such a thoughtful entry - must do more jokes tomorrow!
Curiously, the colour pink has been following me round all day today...
Hate Something, Change Something
I have no opinion about Honda one way or the other, but their advertising campaigns - well, now you're talking.
Here's the finest, funniest and most cheerful advert on British tv at the moment.
Go to http://www.honda.co.uk/change
- click on 'make life better click here' (between the humming birds), and then click on "see the film, sing the song' at the bottom of the page.
See the film first, it's wonderful.
Then feel free to sing along.
Completely work safe, and it's in the key of grrrrrr.
Roger (Wellington)
animals
So did you catch any of Live8? Hope you did! Watched by 2 billion people worldwide – a mind-boggling number of people, and making it the biggest global telly event in world history. If that doesn’t get the message across, nothing will!
I managed to see most of it, especially enjoying the Spinal Tappiness of Velvet Revolver, the sheer fantasticness of Robbie Williams, the jumpy cheeriness of the Kaiser Chiefs, the oldy fabbiness of The Who, but most of all, the reformed Pink Floyd (who have collectively been grumpy with each other for the past 24 years – I can’t imagine anyone ever thought we’d see them together on a stage again).
That they did so, and clearly enjoyed it so much (Roger Waters, in particular, grinned his way through the whole set, definitely loving it), was a real treat. And the set was so resonant with band history - two Dark Side of the Moon numbers; ‘then ‘Wish You Were Here’ dedicated to long-lost-to-dementia band member Syd Barrett; then playing ‘Comfortably Numb’ (proceeded by Waters taking a deep breath, and saying "Right – here we go…", with his fingers mentally crossed) in front of graphics from ‘The Wall’, the album and tour that finally split them up. And even a quick glimpse of the original, acrimoniously-disputed flying pig behind them as they played – all clearly a deliberate attempt to exorcise the demons of the band’s past, to put it (quite literally) behind them. I especially enjoyed one brief helicopter shot over Hyde Park as they played, briefly zooming in on Battersea Power Station, before panning back down to the band on stage.
The set ended with big hugs and smiles all round, which was lovely to see – wonder if a new album featuring the old line-up will come of this…? They’re all getting on a bit now, but it’s now or never, I’d say…
In other news, my brolly is a bit bust, and on the way to work through the rain this morning, it collapsed around my head twice, probably looking like a venus fly trap to any passers by. So embarrassing. What happened to me blue brolly? Have you borrowed it?
Roger (Wellington)
a gentle summer stroll
It struck me, on my way home from work today, that I have quite an interesting route, which through familiarity, I maybe take for granted. See what you think (and can you beat this one?):
out of the doors of the office :: across the road at the site of the very first traffic lights installed in York, a century ago :: past the library :: past the ruined ancient hospital :: through the park gates :: past the multiangular castellated tower in the city walls :: past the museum :: past the planetarium :: a quick hello to any squirrels pottering about :: past the ruined abbey :: past the old church :: through the other park gates :: across the road :: past the old houses that belonged to the quaker and anti-slavery pioneer :: past the office that looks like the TARDIS :: past the giant white birdcage behind the old wall :: over the cobblestones :: under the railway line :: along the alleyway :: past the bowling green :: along the leafy lane between the two schools :: past the cricket field (cricket matches often happening as I stroll by) :: around the indoor swimming pool :: past the tennis courts :: under the ancient horse chestnut tree (centuries old) :: up the little hill :: and home... all just a ten minute journey...
Margaret's back tomorrow, I understand - someone put the kettle on! I'll see you back in the comments!
Roger (Wellington) signing off! x
Where did all this chipper come from?
Apologies to everyone for leaving quite suddenly and quietly, but it was one of those situations where I just needed to get away and found rather suddenly I had nothing to stick around for. Sooooooo... I headed off to Wisconsin to visit the fam. It was either that or Fiji, and since my tan isn't quite up to Fijan-par Wisconsin won out. Next year I'll have the foresight to take care of that tan situation ahead of time.
All I can say is thank goodness I *did* go because I had the most wonderful time. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. There was ridiculously exquisite food, motorcycle riding, bonfire appreciating, grilling, Lake Michiganing (I, Margaret Andrews, do hereby take full credit for making Lake Michigan a verb...), photographing, War of the Worldsing, family schmoozing, puppy snuggling, and Honda cruisin'. Sunroof open, windows down, and music blaring. Is there anything better in the middle of summer? Of course there isn't!
For some reason, there's this moment with my brother Chris that will probably live with me until the day I die. We were riding his motorcycle around Appleton, and just as we can near to his house I tilted my head back as far as it could go, put out my arms, and opened my eyes. You know the movie Titanic when Kate Winslet feels like she's flying on the front of the ship? Yeah well, it was nothing like that but it WAS surprisingly magical. Safety of being with big brother, cool wind, clear skies.... aaaaaahhhh. Now THAT is something I'd like a picture of.
Alas, my exquisite weekend has come to an end and it's back to Office Space. How does one get through long, difficult days at work? By viewing up and coming romance novel covers of course! That is, unless your bloody organization has blocked the site from you. In which case you'll just have to take my 6am word for it and view the arty goodness when you get home.
Hope you all your 4th weekend's were marhmellowy good!
PS, is it just me or is there something a little.... strange... about your English man wishing you a happy 4th of July? Can't... quite put my finger on it.... ???
Phuntography, #1
There's been some vague interest from some, erm, interested parties for information about photography tips & tricks and general information about sharing photos online. Since my wealth of knowledge is but an endless pit, I've decided to run a recurring segment here called Phuntography™ for a limited time only. These segments will range in difficulty from beginner to advanced, yours to read or toss out the window at your leisure. You know, whatever your flavor.
There will be simple tips & tricks, several photoshop tutorials covering everything basic image enhancement to more advanced tutorials accomplishing some of the cool "effects" you've seen around the joint, and all kinds of other goodies. If there's anything you'd like to read along the way feel free to email me your questions. I will certainly attempt to appear to know the answer. Annnnnd, on with tonight's tutorial!
Phuntography Tutorial 1) resizing your photo & image clarity.
What's the issue? Ever find yourself asking, um, yourself how someone got their photos to look so crisp and clear online? Ask no longer my friends! Perhaps one of the simplest and most underexposed secrets is the extreme goodness that is Photoshop's "Unsharp mask".
You might think that the "Sharpen" tool would do a better job of sharpening photos, but the reason most people use the "Unsharp mask" is that you actually have control over what's going on with the latter technique. The sharpen tool often sharpens too much, leaving you with a grainy looking image.
When to use the "Unsharp mask". (Almost) Anytime you re-size your scanned or digital photos tempered with a small dose of artistic discretion of course.
Do note that when using the following techniques you should always, always, always save your files under a new name so you don't destroy the original version. Additionally, these techniques are executed using Photoshop but can be performed using the FREE! software Picasa, put out by Google.
How to re-size in Photoshop.
Step 1 - Select the "Image" menu.
Step 2 - Select "Image Size..."
Step 3 - Make sure the "Constrain Proportions" box is checked.
Step 4 - Change the width or height to a size that works for you. I always use "pixels" as the unit of measure in this process. On my photoblog, for example, I set the width to "540 pixels" and click on "OK".
How to sharpen images in Photoshop.
Step 1 - After you've re-sized your photo, select the "Filter" menu.
Step 2 - Click on "Sharpen" and then "Unsharp mask...".
Step 3 - Set the Amount to "500%"
Step 4 - Set the Radius to "0.1 pixels" or "0.2 pixels".
Step 5 - Set the Threshold to "0 levels", and click on "OK".
Annnnnnnnnd kick back with an umbrella'd drink while you view the finished product!
In case you weren't already depressed, let's just take care of that, shall we?
Some music for your mid-week entertainment, perhaps to take your mind off the thought of slitting your wrists after you read this. According to Forbes, living "well" in Minneapolis costs de average yooper $262,108 annually.
Really? Wow. Let me start you out with some angry music to salve the pain...
- Tracy Bonham - Mother Mother
- KT Tunstall - Black Horse and the Cherry Tree
And now a little lamentory music for the occasion...
- Ray Charles - Night and Day
- Otis Redding - Love Man
And finally, it starts sinking in.
- Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity
Going's on in the world today
For all the people emailing me this morning, thank you for your concern. Ben is just fine though it seems the entirity of London is turned upside down. He just sent me an email saying,
That sounds about right. Probably on their way to the local pub to get sloshed, or rather drink some cream tea, heavy on the cream. He also said he's soon heading out of the city to Wimbledon though he didn't mention how. It seems some sort of transportation is back in order if people are moving around again.
How scary is all this? Waking up wondering if your Man is even alive because of an extreme, religious group? Really people - is blowing up several subway stations going to accomplish what you want it to? Yeah... thought so. I'm sure Bush will find some way to use the whole of events as leverage to continue his awful quest for blood money. When he sends his wife, daughters, siblings, nieces, nephews, and friends overseas to personally fight his war, perhaps THEN I'll rethink my sympathies.
It's time for Ben to be moving here. Like, now.
Phuntography #2, Saving files for the web
After resizing, scanning or transferring your photos the next big question is, "What the heck am I supposed to do with them now?" You have several options when saving files for the web - most of which seem convoluted to even the soberest member of the bunch. To which I highly recommend removing yourself to the nearest local pub post haste and remedying your first problem. Back to the second problem, I offer you my quick and easy guide for saving your photos to showcase online.
You have several options - jpg, bmp, gif, tiff, and on and on and on. Those frisky web designers and programmers are always throwing new options at you, none of which seem to make any sense unless you've been schooled by the Industry-Standard-Nazi's. Here's your simple answer - go jpeg. Why go jpeg? Because you can get the best quality at the smallest file size. Phuntography™ isn't about long winded, painful answers - just go with it. If you want to showcase your pictures online, jpeg is the solution.
The next question is, how do you save your files? This quick and dirty tutorial will show you the best way to save your files in Photoshop. As always, save your new and improved files under *new* names so as not to overwrite the original. If you don't have Photoshop, I highly recommend Picasa as a free alternative. FREE FREE FREE!
Step 1) In Photoshop, click on "File" and then "Save for web..."
Step 2) Make sure "JPEG" is the selected file type.
Step 3) The only other control you really need to worry about on this page is "Quality". As a general rule of thumb, I never save photographs lower than a "50" and usually hover somewhere around a "60". The great thing about Photoshop is that as you change the "Quality" you actually get a live preview of the finished, saved file on the right side of the screen. Use your best artistic judgment. If you have the "Quality" set at a 50 and the photo looks too grainy, up the number to a 55, 60, or even higher. Click on "Save" and you're officialy the Zen Master of Web Photography!
Lord of the Romance Novels
Man, these just hit my funny bone today. I'm a class act all the way, obviously.
First column, fourth one down. I nearly spit out vanilla yogurt all over my keyboard when I read that one.
Is it July 11th already?
A little later this week I'm meeting up with some friends. What's really shocking about this news is that we're not meeting downtown. *gasp* Can you believe it? Me? In... in... the suburbs? I'll bring along my camera to prove to you I can do this without getting wasted, but I'm sure his photos will end up much more interesting than mine. Mainly cuz I'll actually be in those photos. More importantly, I want to take pictures of these supposed traveling rancheros - and if they're wearing little hats? I am so-ho-ho-ho getting a picture *with* one. Oh yes, I will.
Then there's the small matter of Joe. The last time Joe decided to eat at Mojito's (without me, mind you) he weighed himself before he left. Then he ate and ate and ate.... and ate and ate and ate all that the cooks could keep on his plate. When he got home, he had gained 5 lbs. FIVE WHOLE POUNDS. I want a picture of that. I really, really do.
Then later this week I'm heading back to Wisconsin to see a cousin I haven't seen in 10 whole years. I... was in high school the last time he saw me. Gangly, shy, and awkward. He'll be so shocked to find out I've neatly grown in to geeky, bitter, and pretentious. Awwww I kid, I kid. I am really looking forward to seeing him.
This of course means I'll be out of the house for a few days. Anyone interested in guest-posting while I'm gone? Bueller? Bueller?
Inside the blogger's studio
This is totally ripped off lovingly borrowed from Char. Apparently if I had a TV and watched "Inside The Actors Studio" on Bravo I would know that host James Lipton asks every actor 10 questions at the end of the interview. Assuming I am famous enough that anyone gives a flying hoo-ha what my favorite word is, you will find the delightful answers to his delightful questions below.
1.What is your favorite word?
love
2.What is your least favorite word?
fear
3. What turns you on?
a well-worn cologne
4. What turns you off?
body odor
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Dick. (When used well, it's succinct and highly effective.)
6. What sound do you love?
This is so cheesy, but I really, really do love the sound of Le Tourist Guide's™ voice. Even when we're fighting it's still soothing.
7. What sound do you hate?
Screaming children.
8. What profession other then yours would you like to attempt?
Concert pianist, though I would prefer to do something more along the lines of what Tori Amos does. Organic piano playing that sounds nothing like what's out there. In all reality, I'm saving up to buy a piano in the next couple of years. My piano playing skills will be mine again - oh yes, they will be mine.
9. What profession would you not like to participate in?
Snake charming, snake handling, snake wrestling, snake-cage cleaning, or even snake breeding. I don't *do* snakes, 'kay?
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Welcome home, the bar is to your left. Everything is on me.
My father, the hero
Holy schnikes, it's been a big day for the fam. First my brother blogs about my dad getting a hole-in-one during their golf game this week. All I have to say is wow... a real, live hole-in-one! My dad is my hero (and I'm not just saying that cuz I didn't inherit his golf-playing genes and can't hit the ball 30 freagin' yards).
But then my dad had to go and post something real, real classy on his blog about rats and some poor chap's shady, warm private parts.
Well, the hole-in-one was a classier story. But the thought of a 10 year old kid with a .22 and a wormy tailed rat all holding on to his privates for dear, sweet life kinda brings me a smile to my face to. Thank goodness that wasn't my father on the receiving end of the rat's affections or I might not be here to tell you this story.
Phuntography #3) It's in black & white
On to some fun stuff! We've discussed saving files for the web and resizing your pictures while keeping them nice and sharp. *yawwwwwwwwwn* Right, so on to some more interesting techniques. I promise the next couple of tutorials will involve more cussing and more colorful pictures. Er, right, um except for this one. I mean this fucking one, in which we discuss the beauty of GREY!!! Oooooooh, aaaaaaah.
When I'm looking at my pictures and deciding what to post, one of my favorite techniques is making the photo black and white. Black and white often adds a nice bit of drama and story to your image with a simple click of a button. But don't get me wrong - I lurve me some black and white but I am *not* a drama queen. Shush all you protesters, I just play one on TV. Personally I try not to over-do it with the desaturation process just because when I actually *do* take the time to make a photo black and white, I really want it to have an impact. It's a personal choice every budding photographer must make for themselves. Still, it's boatloads of fun and I highly suggest desaturating the beejeesies out of your own stuff, and not only because it's more fun than a barrel of pissed Englishmen. You know how that old saying goes.
This is the part where I tell you that my very best friend Keira wanted to make sure I added some very, very important information to this post. I.e., Be sure to check your digital camera for built-in effects so you don't have to go through all this post-process bullshit after-the-fact. For example, on my Canon Powershot A400 I can choose to take pictures in color, black and white, sepia, or any one of several other cool effects right out of the gate. That piece of shit Nikon D70 I bought doesn't have such coolness. Kidding. KIDDING!!! (but only sort of ;) Read the manual people. It's good for your constitution.
If I must repeat myself, and I must, please remember to save your new and improved files under *new* names so as not to overwrite the original. If you don't have Photoshop, I highly recommend Picasa as a free alternative. FREE FREE FREE! Just ask my sister. She's Picasa's newest bitch and isn't afraid to admit it. The following steps are for the esteemed Photoshop thief user.
Step 1 - Pick a photo. It'll take a while to start seeing what works better in black and white, but in general look for photos that have high-contrast zones. A bright, clear sky with a dark building underneath. Silhouettes. Drunken bar photos with dark backgrounds. Things like that, you know, the usual.
Step 2 - Under the "Image" menu, click on "Adjustments..." and then "Desaturate". Few people know that desaturate is actually the ancient egyptian word for "turn off all the lights and take off all your clothes, not necessarily in that order". Just making sure you're listening, natches.
Looks done, right? Welllllllllll.... maybe. It *could* be considered done to some people, but what most people don't know (and how could they?!, what with spending most of their time in bars taking drunken photos) is that the whole desaturation process often forces a loss of some clarity and richness the colors provided. Was that a 'duh' I heard somewhere? Kinda make sense when you think about it - still with me here? So I add 2 extra steps to this process to get back the integrity of my photo. This is why I'm cool, cuz I know stuff like this.
Step 3 - Click on the "Layer" menu, click on "New adjustment layer..." and then "Curves". For all intensive purposes, just click on the little line somewhere and drag it around - you'll see what happens as you start to play. Curves are useful when you want to even out the overall tone or balance of a picture, or (in this case) feather in some contrast and light. Cool, yeah?
Step 4 - Click on the "Layer" menu, click on "New adjustment layer..." and then "Levels". I'll talk more about levels later, but mostly you want the little histogram to look like the bell curve. You can drag the small arrows below the histogram to help achieve this fictional dream. Dragging the left arrow in will cause the image to darken, the right arrow causes it to lighten, while the middle arrow help sets overall tone. Just start dragging around to see what works for you while keeping the general guide of a bell-curve in mind.
And whoala! Beautiful black and white photos for your burgeoning collection of kickassedness.
Extendaweekend™, take 2
Well I'm outta here due to another Extendaweekend™ trip to Wisconsin. I have got to get me some Tourist Guide over here, and like quick, if for no other reason then 5 hours is the purrrrrrfect amount of time to sleep soundly in the passenger seat while he does the job of a man and drives.
Seriously, why else do women keep men around? If they don't kill bugs, take out the trash, do a majority of the long distance driving (except when we want to go real, real fast) and lavish gifts then there's just no point.
I digress. I'm headed off to Wisconsin in a few for the rest of the weekend. There will be pictures. There will be some zoomy Bella driving. There will be laundry (sorry mom). And there will be bratwurst. W00t! Welly will be around guest posting for the next few days - apologies in advance if he mucks it up. At least I've gone ahead and provided some entertainment if he pulls off a repeat performance. Although next time the entertainment will be tall, dark, and bulging in all the right place. Promise.
Cheers!
BUNGALOW!!!! (or, that bloody Wellington again)
"Oh blimey, it’s not that bloody Wellington bloke again, is it? I mean, I liked his ‘Pope on a Rope’ gag, but quite frankly it’s been all downhill since then".
Well yes, it is me - She Who Must be Obeyed has waltzed off on another short trip (any excuse to look cool and flash in her new car, if you ask me), and I’m left holding the fort. Not that she has a fort, you understand. There’s too many flowers, and pink, and girly stuff in here for it to be anything even remotely resembling a fort, but it was just a metaphor. A METAPHOR!!!! (Sorry, don’t know why I shouted that, just seemed right at the time).
Do you know what the best word in the English language is?
Bungalow.
I mean, Margaret would probably say it’s ‘hairdresser’ or ‘shoes’ or something, but I’m telling you now, ‘Bungalow’ is the best word ever. Really. Ever.
Just say it a few times to yourself, you’ll see what I mean. Go on, no whispering, say it out loud with me right now, risk the bemusement and ridicule of whoever’s sat next to you, it’ll be worth it.
Bungalow.
Bungalow bungalow bungalow.
Oooooooo goodness, what a big bungalow.
BUNGALOW!!
"Where do you live?"
"I live in a BUNGALOW!"
"hmmm, do you? How fascinating".
What a fabulous word. Take this information away with you, and see how life-changing it can be. And whenever you hear anyone use the word ‘bungalow’, I want you to shout out "BUNGALOW!!!" in reply, just for the fun of it.
"Oooh, look at that bungalow over there" they say.
"BUNGALOW!!!" you reply, giggling.
Tell your friends. Get them all to do it. Within three months, we could have the whole country doing it. And remember, it started here first.
Disclaimer: I don’t live in a bungalow, by the way, in case you were wondering. I’m too tall.
Friday Feast to follow, later today – sorry, I got sidetracked!
And to end on a joke:
A man walked into a bar, and said to the barmaid "I’ll have a double entendre, please".
So she gave him one.
Roger (Wellington) x
Wellington's Friday Feast
My second entry today, but what can I say, I couldn't resist another Friday Feast...
Appetizer
What is your middle name? Would you change any of your names if you could? If so, what would you like to be called?
It’s interesting that you should ask me that. I’ve always hated my middle name, as it’s ‘Timothy’, which shortens to ‘Tim’ or ‘Timmy’, all of which are just awful. If you’d like them, they’re yours, I don’t want them.
A few names I’d prefer:
Jimmy ‘Eyes’ Hernandez.
Oswald Plodge.
Nathaniel Crank.
Rupert DeHavilland.
Lord Chalfont Spencer Harcourt McDoughnut.
Billy Sick.
Doctor Evil.
Danny ‘The hand’ McGee.
Mister Giggle.
Friendly George.
Captain Harry Harlequin of the Flying Space Corps.
Albert Sprang.
“Hey! It’s Freddy!”
Boris Harpoon.
Old Whatsisname.
Ricky Swift.
Dr Bonzo Gonzalez.
Dicky Squirrel.
I could do this all day, I’d better stop now…
Soup
If you were a fashion designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you probably use the most?
If I was a fashion designer, my name would be Anton Cruk. I’d flounce around being delightfully camp, sweetie, wearing a big floppy shirt and kissing everyone on the cheek when I meet them: mwah mwah. I’d work almost exclusively in velvet and silk.
Salad
What is your least favorite chore, and why?
Emptying the cat litter. Need I say more?
Main Course
What is something that really frightens you, and can you trace it back to an event in your life?
I’m not very good with crawly insects. Was I tortured with them as a child? I suspect I did something stupid like lifting up a rock – that would do it.
Dessert
Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment.
I’m sitting on my ass. Ha ha ha!!!
No, actually, I’m sat on a swivelly office chair - one of those with wheels so that you can roll around in it in the office whilst still sat down. And one of those funky levers at the side, so that you can suddenly, though gracefully, sink down to a lower level (making a ‘psshhhh’ noise - come on, you’ve all done it). This chair’s followed me round through various office changes for a few years, and is getting interestingly wobbly, with an occassional satisfying creak. I like a chair with a bit of character. And I’m in the big office where I work (as a graphic designer) – normally filled with activity, but today I’m on me own, so I’m listening to Goldfrapp and getting this blog entry done. Me bad. Out of the window in front of me, I can see: York Minster, a girl in the most awful orange flared jeans, and a fat old lady wobbling.
wobble wobble.
Roger (Wellington) x
golf snoring (by Welly)
Margaret's back tomorrow, so last one from me...
So today I thought I'd watch the golf.
I mean, I KNOW you all think it's boring, and sometimes it is, but I like it, okay? I'd managed to miss most of the Open Championship the past couple of days, so I thought, well, I'll set aside Sunday afternoon, relax on the sofa, and watch a few hours of it as it goes into the final.
So I sit on the sofa about 2.15pm.
Can't quite get comfy, so okay, I'll lean back a little.
No, hang on - I'll sort of stretch out a bit.
There, that's better...
And now..
some golzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzz...
and I WAKE UP!
and it's 6pm!!!!!!
and I slept through the whole thing!
Or I was abducted by aliens!
Or, well, something!
Is it still on? Can anyone tell me who won? Do I even care any more?
Still, repeats of Doctor Who start at 7pm, so it's not a total loss.
I'll just change the channel...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Some pink with your pink?
List of things I acquired over the weekend in Appleton, Wisconsin:
* Pink, sparkly sandals
* Pink, pin-striped, kick ass Miami-Vice style pants
* Pink, floral patterned skirt
* Pink, ribbed v-neck sweater
* Pink, tinted sunglasses
* And one red Wonder Woman t-shirt
I kid you not, my mom *bought* me the red Wonder-Woman t-shirt. There might be pictures later. I.e., there might be pictures later if I can find a gold, power bracelet that deflects both visible and invisible bullets by 5:30 pm.
Oh yes, and one installment of the 6th Harry Potter book... which is decidedly neither pink nor packed with Wonder Woman action.
Dear AOL users
Today's dial-up AOL users get my services free. FREE!, I TELL YOU!!! Usually I charge for this kind of sh..stuff in the form of food, lavish gifts, or alcohol. But today is your lucky day and I render these services, for you, out of the kindness of my heart. And well, once I saw the atrocities AOL was performing on my websites, MY WEBSITES!, I decided it was all out war.
Before I launch in to my AOL diatribe, huge hugs and kisses to Welly for upholding the Sopheava tradition and talking about how fabulous I am at the end of last week. He loves guest-posting so and I'm happy to have him around. Mostly because of the immense flattery eminating from his every keystroke. Still, he's a laugh and totally welcome to guest post anytime he likes. Thanks Welly!
Now, back to my AOL users. If you are a dial-up AOL user (phone lines, people), please take 2 minutes out of your busy day to perform the following good deed doing so that my gorgeous websites may be presented to you in all the gloriousness the designer, aka me, intended. What spawned this post? Blurry. Pictures. I was visiting my parents and using their dial-up AOL to view my websites. My BLURRY websites, as it turned out. If you heard a huge great scream on Thursday this would be why. It turns out that if you're a dial-up American Online user, AOL by default causes most of the images appearing on your screen to blur. And by blur I mean something along the lines of looking through the nearly-empty bottom of a beer glass whilst lying on the floor of your favorite local pub. Um, yeah. The fix is easy my friends, please play along at home or I curse you with dial-up AOL FOREVERRRRR.
First, click on "Settings" or "My settings".
Second, click on "Internet (web) options".
Third, click on the "Content" tab and make sure that the "Never compress images" button is selected.
Suck it, AOL. *I WIN*!!!!!!!!
There has also been about a bazillion a few complaints from my father regarding the whole "cache" issue with AOL. For some reason AOL refuses to reload pages, even when you click on the refresh button. Don't ask *me* why, it's their shitty program and they obviously couldn't afford even one usability specialist. So, if you my trustworthy AOL readers are finding that web pages are not being updated as they normally should, just hold down the CTRL button on your keyboard whilst clicking on the refresh button on your browser at the same time. Forced. Refresh. Beyotch.
I WIN AGAIN!!!!!!!!
Thank you and have a nice day.
I *do* love you! And I can really move too.
I don't think I've ever told you before how much I love chick flicks. Oh right, have I? Hmmm, well for all my new readers let me fill you in: I love chick flicks. No seriously, I don't just love chick flicks, I *♥* me some girlie movies, dancing movies, and most especially teeny-bopper movies. Oh god, the teeny bopper movies!!! Mean Girls. I know, right? Clueless. Way existential. Then of course there's Center Stage. I kid you not, everyone I know loves this movie because of me.
But today.... *sigh*... today I bought the granddaddy of chick flicks. No no, I already own Titanic. I'm talking about the amazingly gorgeous, tanned and well-oiled in all the right spots Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Why this movie hasn't previously made it to my collection is beyond me. "I carried a watermelon"!!!!! Ha ha ha. Oh my god, Jennifer Grey *kills* me in this movie. Not only did I want her dancing boyfriend, I wanted her mushroom haircut, silver high heels, and flowy skirts.
So tonight I'm supposed to go night shooting with Steve. Yeah yeah yeah, that's all right and good but in T minus 60 minutes I will be at home, in my undies, shaking my booty to the tunes "Do you love me" and "Love man". And when Patrick Swayze beckons Jennifer Grey to dance with him, I'm going to pretend it's me. And then I'm going to completely compose myself before I go off shooting or I'll end up dancing like a ridiculous fool on the streets of Minneapolis. But in case you want to witness the ridiculousness of my booty butt shaking I will be on Hennepin by 9 tonight. And in the event I *am* able to compose myself before 9 pm, you will get to see my pink glittery sandals instead. Promise.
Newsflash
Seems everyone somehow missed that I went brunette again. This is why I have a blog people. So you can keep up with the most important of news!
Next order of business will be to run a brush through that wavy mane. Good grief!
Dusty bookends- out of retirement!
The unthinkable has happened - someone actually *wanted* my photos. As in, I didn't even have to bribe them to take my photos. As in, no alcohol was exchanged. I know, right?!! Rex over at mnspeak.com was in the need for a few pictures of recognizable landmarks around town, and of course I'm just bossy enough to have offered up a couple from le secret stash for his enjoyment.
Hit their website. Then hit refresh. And again. And again. Repeat. Aaaaaaannnnnnnnd, GO!
Party at my place
I am greatly disturbed by the extraordinarily fabulous mood that's fastened itself to me all week. It really feels like my head just *might* pop off today from all the good-moodiness going on up in this beyotch. In fact, not even gmail being on the fritz is getting to me today. Nooooosiree.
Next up, a very, very selfish weekend all to myself. There will be no thousand-mile driving trips, no drink-until-I-drop-athon's... just me and some good books. And the air conditioning of course. Seriously, how long can this hundred gajillion weather keep up I ask of you?
Not that I care of course. Tra la la... I feel like I just had the biggest dose of Felix Felicus everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
[Ummm, yeah. For those of you who DIDN'T read the latest and greatest installment of the Harry Potter series wouldn't know what I'm referring to. Or that fact that a huge, WHAT THE FUCK?! escaped my lips as I finished it. Ms. Rowling has some serious, serious explaining to do in her last book. I don't know how she'll be able to wrap all of *it* up in under a thousand pages. Not that I care this week... tra la la.]
This isn't the wine talking. Honestly.
I know someone who knows someone that's a 30 year old virgin.
I'm sorry, but I just felt the need to tell everyone. Cuz, holy. shit.
Sunday night dilemma
This post could probably be filed under "Too much information", but hell, it's my blog and I can talk about whatever I want to.
Back to the photography thing (don't worry, Phuntography hasn't disappeared yet - there are several more installments coming at'cha!). Taking pictures of landscapes, buildings, cars, fountains, blah blah blah - not so bad. I mean, there's time to set up for the shot, take it, and if it doesn't turn out you just re-take it. Then you can change some settings and take it another way. Pretty straight-forward yeah?
I've been challenging myself with people pictures lately. You can see one of my attempts here. I love people pictures because there's only so much aperture setting, shutter speed changing, and ISO futzing you can do .... the rest is what happens when you reach the summit of Mount Dumb-Shit Luck. So, you know, it's a slow process but I'm learning.
But as fate would have it, some of my favorite photographs of all time are pictures of the human body. Not trampy, glossy, magazine photo shoot type of pictures - but the organic, natural light, curves and patterns pictures of the body. And I figure that since the human body makes the most perfect, beautiful subject for portraits why shouldn't I try my hand at it? And seeing as how potential models for this kind of photo shoot aren't lining up at my door - and to be fair, I'm not extending that invitation, so let's be clear - tonight I took the plunge and decided to photograph myself. Why *else* did I buy a tripod?!
I'm reasonably pleased with how my first photo shoot went. But now the whole dilemma of posting the pictures starts to hum in my ears. Because the photos *are* actually very artistic and quite beautiful, something I would be happy to post online if god, my mom, and all my friends weren't regularly checking my photoblog and my flickr account. It had occurred to me to open a new flickr account under an anonymous name so I could post them. Cuz, I'm a photographer! And I shouldn't have to apologize for my photography god damnit. But then again... why? I should be happy with my first attempts and not have to post them just to prove something to myself, right?
Anywho, I have a lot of work to do before my portrait picture portfolio reaches a calliber I'm content with. In the meantime my mother can breathe easy knowing tasteful, artistic photos of her mostly nude daughter will *not* be popping up in any way, shape or form online. To sound like Carrie Bradshaw for a minute... I have to wonder. Do all photographers have this conversation with themselves at some point?
Phuntography #4) Lomo that bitch.
In case you've been living under a rock, Lomos are the new black. Why are Lomos the new black? Because they're more fun than getting Le Serial Cynica pissed and taking her to a strip club. I know, right?! Lomography, Lomo cameras, and the "lomo look" are all the rage for one simple reason: it's fun.
To make a long story short, The Lomographic Society makes available all kinds of fun, fun, FUN!!! cameras for every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Cheap plastic cameras, the kind you don't feel guilty dropping on the cement, in a lake, or in to your beer. Why don't you feel guilty? Because they're cheap! Did I mention fun? Holy christ the FUN!
Photographers particularly love using lomos because they actually force you to think about imagery differently. Taking pictures with a Holga, for example, will give you varied results. The cheap plastic often leaks light between the seams, there's no control over focus, and a vignette might show up as unexpectedly as Tom Cruise announcing he's straight. Yeah, try *that* one on for size. In short, anal retentive photographers (uhhhh, not that I know any per se *cough cough*) often embrace the lomo because there's no pressure. You just stick it in your purse (or European Man Wallet, as it were), point, and shoot. Who KNOWS what you'll end up with?! It's like a little piece of Christmas in your European Man Wallet every time you step out the door. I'm tellin' ya, your friends will love you after shooting with these suckers (but between you and me, I'd have something on-tap as backup juuuuuust in case).
There's all kinds of variations and breeds of the Lomo camera. There's Miss Holga, the fabulous Fisheye, and for the conesseur of imperfection the Kompakt Automat might be right up your alley. There's plenty more flavors of lomo, so if you're interested I highly suggest checking out this website for more info.
If you don't have time for all that camera buying bullshit the "look" of the Lomo is easy enough to fake through photoshop. And by look I mean, artsy fartsy and saturated, but not dilated. I won't take credit for the following technique - it was all this site that made it popular... supposedly nicking it from another site before that one went down after having nicked it from another. Gotta love the web, eh? Since this technique's inception, this little script has found its way all around the world including the likes of Kottke and Flickr. My recommendation? Experiment with the technique below on both color and black and white photos, and keep the sources of your photoshop secret. It's really better that way for all parties involved.
This easy 17-step tutorial will seem long and involved the first couple times you do it. After you get used to 'doing it' the whole process is really quite simple and easy to manipulate. Kind of like sex. But you'll be rewarded in a very different way, I can quite assure you. Now get lomo'ing or feel free to check out some of my fakes here, here, here, or here.
Step 01) Click "Images", "Adjustments", "Brightness/Contrast...". Increase contrast by +20.
Step 02) Click "Images", "Adjustments", "Hue/Saturation...". Increase the saturation by +20.
Step 03) Choose the "Rectangular Marquee Tool" and change the feather amount to 1/12 the width of your picture. For example, if my picture if 540 pixels wide I set the feather amount to 45 pixels.
Step 04) Select the entire picture (CTRL + A, or right click and choose "Select all")
Step 05) Click "Select", and then "Inverse".
Step 06) Click "Layer", "New", and then "Layer...".
Step 07) Change your primary color to black.
Step 08) Fill the selection (on the new, blank layer).
Step 09) Change the blend mode of this layer to "Overlay".
Step 10) Click "Layer", and then "Duplicate Layer..."
Step 11) Select your base layer, the one with the original picture on it.
Step 12) Click "Layer", "New", and then "Layer".
Step 13) Change your fill tool to "Gradient", and the gradient type to "Spherical".
Step 14) Change your primary color to white.
Step 15) With the fill tool selected, click in the middle of the picture, and drag the line out to the farthest edge of your picture (if it's a portrait, use top or bottom, if landscape, use left or right). * Do note that you'll still see the rectangular marquee selection flashing. If it's not flashing then you'll need to repeat Steps 3, 4, and 5 to properly execute this step.
Step 16) Change the blend mode of this layer to Overlay
Step 17) Change the Opacity of this layer to 80% (or whatever you see fit - this number will change based on what works with the image).
Step 18) Thank Sophie for sharing and send her a cupcake.
To she-who-must-not-be-named
Dear Hillary Clinton,
I bet if you look on amazon.com you'll find you can buy a dose of reality. If you can't find one of those, a swift kick in the pants ought to take care of things. And if you can't find either of those things on amazon, believe me, I know pleeeeeeeenty of people who would be happy to perform the latter free of charge.
Is this really necessary? A $90-million dollar investigation in to the atrocities video games are teaching children? .... ??? Because... you couldn't think of anything better to use that $90 mill for? Jesus Hillary, let me just clear this whole mystery up for you right now and I'll let you know where to deposit that money.
Guess what Hill - I was raised on a Nintendo, and despite the nefarious efforts of my commrades to prove otherwise think I turned out juuuuuuuust fine. Do you really think children are the helpless victims here? Droids being taught to slaughter, hunt, and kill right before their helpless parents' eyes? Goodness me, that's almost as worrying as the possibility that I might catch a cold this year?!!!! GAH!
The last time my 14-year old nephew went out and bought himself a $250 dollar video gaming system with at least one $60 game like Grand Theft Auto was *also* the time I finally bought my black, tinted window 'Cedes complete with Julian McMahon sitting up front. I think you're missing the point and need to get a bloody hobby. Or perhaps you're just buttering up to would-be parental voters out there. After all, it's not their fault that anything might be wrong with their kids!
QUICK! POINT FINGERS!!!!! Shit, am I too late to join in all the fun?
Get a fucking life just after you get yourself to amazon and purchase something to hit yourself over the head with.
Love,
Sophie
Please stop, before you hurt yourself
Ok, just so we're clear. Anyone who calls it Foxfire proooobably shouldn't be telling me how to do my job. PLUS +++ if you're gonna go through all the trouble of downloading "Foxfire" on to your tripped out, top of the line Mac before letting me know how many different ways our website is broken, would you please get the name right? FURTHERMORE, do you really think that a couple of top of the line web designers who get thousands upon thousands of hits on their website every day don't know how compatible their code is?
Think people. THINK!
*Thankyouverymuch*
Nibbly things
- You know that scene in Clueless where Cher isn't doing so well at that whole "driving" thing and the words, "You try driving in platforms!" come rolling off her tongue? Um, yeah. That so happened to me last night. I must have looked the fool driving down Lynndale, my car screeching to a halt everytime I got near an intersection all in the name of fashion. It's like really hard 'n stuff!!!
- Last night on the freeway I saw someone moon the motorcyclist driving in front of me. She didn't just moon him either, this chic was going for an Oscar. There she was in all her glory... big, bare white ass sticking high up in the air. Wow. Would be a better story if the motorcyclist was actually paying attention and had seen all the commotion he was causing.
- I'm getting too close to buying a piano. It'll happen, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that c-c...c-c-committment yet.
- I don't *do* committment.
- Last night I looked pretty cute if I do say so myself. Pink, lacy tank top, cute little black pants, and my really cute little pink sparkly sandals with tinted sunglasses to boot. So why in the world wouldn't the 60 year old man smoking in front of my friend's apartment building in Uptown let me in? My God Margaret, that's the most insane thing I've ever heard!!! There I stood, in 180 degree heat trying to call her from the lobby, which was obviously to no avail since she was too busy petting her cat to take my call, when the guy sidled in & quickly slithered between the locked door and closed it firmly behind him, but not before casting a nasty little glare in my direction. Seriously, why do people have to be such dicks sometimes? Dick.
- Don't bother reading the latest Harry Potter book unless you've just read the 5th book. I will allow you to thank me later.
- Friday's Feast has been lame lately. They should get some scandalous, intriguing questions up in that bitch. Does anyone really care what street I live on? *yawn*
- Pink pants are for winners!
- I plan on being completely unreachable this weekend. Hope you kiddies have a great weekend.