Montly archives
File these under "She told me so"
Useful tips'o'th'day.
- When working out, put on Sex and the City. Time flies when you're laughing your ass off (hey, that's literal 'n stuff!!!). It's also perfect inspiration having to watch their skinny asses all couture'd out for 30 minutes straight.
- When you get a cut on your fingers, best to wrap it up in a bandaid straightaway. Otherwise you'll just keep opening up the wound with all the hard-core, physical, manual labor that you're constantly up to (uh huh, I most certainly *DO* do manual labor!).
- When people make fun of you for having "kick ass sound system" on your car shopping list, blame grandpa. It's genetic and not my fault. Damnit.
- Best to attach a few safety pins to the inside of your purse, er, man-wallet in case you split your pants after you get to work and are wearing turquoise underwear under those black pants that everyone walking by your desk can see all day long even when you're walking around the office for no particular reason.
- Keep styrofoam cup of water *far, far* from arm's length to ensure **Accidental Tippage™ does not occur.
- Easy-way-to-amuse-self-101: While at a stoplight, watch the guy in the truck behind you sneeze all over his windshield and then try to clean it up with his sleeve at 8:00 in the morning.
** [Including, but not limited to, tippage over keyboard, mini iPod base of monitor, phone, oriental lamp, chair, grey pants, notebook written with inky-ink pen, and new Tori Amos book. Also includes dropping of mini iPod headphones in to water instead of on desk.] **
Show & Tell
Welly shouldn't be this kind, because now I have all kinds of material for my blog entry today.
You see, this morning he sent me a bunch of sketches. Secret squirrel sketches that shouldn't get out, which is why Welly goes by the name of Welly, because if I told people his name was Roger and that he lived in England and worked a boring job complete with 3 hour meetings, then I might just get him in trouble. So I won't - cuz I'm nice like that.
These sketches cracked me up so I decided to share. Art this funny should never be binned.
Sketch #1: Scarborough fair. Apparently this is what life is like in Scarborough... I had not known that giant gorillas and aliens were back in season, but I think I'll try the "fish-in-pocket" trick and attempt to start a new trend. Very saucy!!!
Sketch #2: A lesser known historical piece, re-creating that awful attack on parliament in a way that's not entirely dissimilar from the Stay-Puffed Marshmellow Man's attack on NYC. The outcome was much tastier in the latter's case.
Sketch #3: I'unno. I just think this one's funny. Out of all the captions it could have had, it had "Kill the Doctor". There's a Freudian somethin' er' other in there.
Sketch #4: Guy who led Welly's boring meeting's last name was "Parlabean". Hence, the inspiration for...
Sketch #5: HEY, wait a second! How did this one get edited?!!! (I just crack myself up...)
Sketch #6: In case you didn't know what sound a bird makes.
Sketch #7: Two things. First, I had not realized that the clock goes "Bong" these days. Apparently "Dong" was too offensive. Second, tower hats are all the rage in central London if you hadn't heard. Stop by Harrods and pick one up TODAY!
TPS cover sheet with that?
This is brilliant. Brilliant and funny. A must watch for ANYONE who's seen Office Space, so turn up the volume!
Superfriends meet Office Space
[made so much funnier by the fact that my ex-employer really *did* have TPS reports... I know, right?]
This is a toss-up, beat-em-up, fight-out
I'm having a fit of sorts over here. See the thing is, I've really, reeeeeeeeeally wanted to get back in to photography, semi-seriously for a long time. The problem is, the whole "film" thing is really expensive and I'm a digital person anyway. I have A digital camera, but it was cheap and is a piece of junk. What I really want is a nice digital camera, and I'm at odds about this for a few reasons...
1) Money. The root of everyone's problems, right? I have stringent criteria for a camera and, well, it's not gonna be cheap. Pay off credit card vs. new camera. BAH!
2) The camera has to take gorgeous pictures. Even if I don't photoshop the image or change any of the default camera settings, I expect a crisp, clear, gorgeous shot.
3) The camera has to take shots when I tell it to - not 3 seconds later. Dooce felt similarly, but apparently she and her husband can afford a $1,200.00 camera. Yeeeeeeaaaaah, not so much me.
4) I want options. All kinds of options. Shutterspeed, macros, lenses, filters, fish-eyes... I want to experiment and play.
What's a libran to do? Does anyone have any good suggestions?
Tori: Gonna make them pay for shooting up her ride
You know how sometimes you just need to confess something to, uhhhh, admit you might have done something wrong?
Right. Sooooooooo, I'm gonna do that now.
My confession involves Tori Amos. And as you probably know I *LOVE HER*, which is why this admission will be all that much more shocking. And REAL! And not even a little bit DRAMATIC!
I confess that I cannot be called a real Tori fan. *sigh* Yes, yes it's true so please let me finish explaining before you try to comfort me.
I have all her albums, all her singles, her live DVD, her book, and have even cried at her concert --- yet, this one deep, dark, horrible, bloody secret trumps all of it. Our story begins when the anti-heroine (that's me) was a mere 17 years old. I bought a computer (pretty high tech to have your own computer at the age of 17 in 1995!) and subsequently spent much of my time on said computer warming up to its games (when I wasn't on the NES, of course, OF COURSE). A few months later I had a summer job and finally had the dough to buy my first, real live, *very own* computer game. Oh how wonderful that paycheck was.
After much article-reading (and lots of encouragement from ex-boyfriend's brother) I went to Best Buy and picked up Duke Nukem 3D. Duke. Nukem. It might have even been the FIRST Duke Nukem game for computers, I can't really remember. Anyway, le gorgeous anti-heroine was walking to the cashier when, LO! What's this? A new Tori Amos CD called Boys For Pele just came out? How interesting... The cover picture is kinda creepy and we all know how I feel about snakes... but, I'll pick it up. Cuz she's Tori. Ya'know?
Get home. Game. CD. Game. CD. AAAHHHH! Which one do I open first? Well, the answer quickly unfolded before my very eyes when I realized I had a new, high tech, state of the art Pentium 75mhz complete with a CD player!!! Ooooooooooh. Aaaaaaaaaah. So I installed the game off the CD, plopped in the Tori CD and turned on the first track.
Meh.
Didn't really like the first track. Second track - play. Oooooooh, harpsichord! This sounds groovy. Minimize window, start Duke Nukem (back in the days of no-cd-games) and proceeded to play 2 hours straight of Duke Nukem to the soundtrack of Tori Amos, Boys for Pele. No big deal, right? Well the only time I could listen to the CD was when I was home from work. And the only thing I did when I was home from work was play Duke Nukem. Do you see where this is heading? Do you? Do you?
Every day. Plop in Tori Amos. Start up Duke Nukem. And proceed to kick the living and undead shit out of alien monsters with an unusual penchant for strip-club women. Months and months of Tori and Duke. Hand in hand. Like Britney Spears and Goth music (just ask her, I take full credit for the sordid introductions).
Alas, what has evolved in to my long-winded confession: When I listen to Boys for Pele I want to kick some alien ass. Real, real bad. Blood. Guts. Gore. Laser tripbeams. Pipe bombs. Heat-seeking rocket launchers. BANG! BOOM! POW! All to the tune of, "Hello Mr. Zebra, can I get a sweater cuz it's cold in my hole?". It's fucked up, I know. I don't really deserve to call myself her fan because she likely never intended her album to have that kind of aura about it. So here's the alternate track-listing for the first 7 tunes of Boys for Pele, where in my world everything makes perfect sense. Obviously.
1. Horses - didn't ever listen to this tune. It blew.
2. Blood Roses - World 1, playing with the jet-pack a lot
3. Father Lucifer - Sneaking up on nasty-ass, foul breathed alien monsters admiring their reflections in the bathroom mirror. Sometimes I'd blow up the mirror and give them a start. Heh. Other times I'd sneak through the ventilation shafts and drop a pipe-bomb on their vain asses.
4. Professional Widow - Ohhhhhhh yeah, NOW things are getting interesting. The sound in the song actually sounds like the monsters. I really did have a lot of trouble distinguishing which sounds were coming from the game and which ones game from the song. Listen sometime. It's kinda creepy. Basically this song is all about bloodbath.
5. Mr. Zebra - Backtrack in the world a little bit and search for hidden crawlspaces or secret chambers. Oooooh.
6. Marianne - Now I feel a little sorry about killing so many monsters. *sniff* They're just trying to make a buck too, ya'know?
7. Caught A Light Sneeze - In the zone baby! Sniping lots of alien asses - basically I'm untouchable.
Dear Tori,
Please forgive me. I just wanted to *love* your cd to death is all. Er, you see?
Love,
Margaret
I shall call her... Holga.
The person currently playing the part of the Alpha Lurker&trade will be happy to know that I've come up with a solution to my camera issues. Bless you for all your help.
You see, I realized I was going about this all wrong - I wanted to be all digital and focused all my energy on trying to make that happen. But... I have a kick ass film camera complete with kick ass lenses sitting in my closet. MULTIPLE LENSES! How lucky am I? Granted, the film thing can get expensive but come on! How many pictures do I *really* take when I have an event? Mmm hmmm. That's what I thought too.
The irony here is that I wanted to go digital to "get back in to the art" of photography. So after lots of careful mental sorting and weighing, I realized that I can probably achieve what I'm trying to achieve BETTER with a film camera. HELLO!
That, and well, I've wanted one of these for about a year and a half. It's called the Holga, it costs about $25.00, and it is BOSS. If you're interested in seeing some photos, there are some on the Holga site. You can also check out here and here for some other nice samples. To sum up in one sentence the beauty that is this camera, it's meant to be a piece of junk. Throw it around, bang it up, cut and glue stuff on it. Or all of the above. The photos are meant to be intentionally distorted. It all adds to the charm.
Twenty-five bucks. Seriously, it might be the best $25 I've ever spent.
(In the meantime, if you'd like to find me, I will be held up in Scrooge McDuck's compound silently watching my growing savings account in stomach-flip anticipation for the glorious digital camera I will One Day own. Oh yes, it will be mine.)
They forgot to include the word "Dong"
We're back here again. Seriously, what quality of decision makers are we putting in office? It has been reported that the US Mint has released a re-designed version of the five-cent coin to honor the 200th anniversary of the Lewis & Clark expedition and its patron - President Jefferson. According to this article...
The new coin features the right side of Jefferson's face. His face is also cropped closely, rather than showing his entire head. The word "Liberty," engraved in a copy of Jefferson's handwriting, has been added, too.
The backs of the coins depict the American bison, familiarly known as the buffalo.
The launch restores a beloved animal to the five-cent coin. That symbol of the Plains appeared on the back of every U.S. nickel minted between 1913 and 1938, when the modern Jefferson head piece was introduced.
"The 2005 nickel designs follow Thomas Jefferson's vision to explore the great West," said Mint director Henrietta Holsman Fore in unveiling the new coins last autumn. She referred to them as "small pieces of contemporary art."
We all know I'm opinionated, so let me offer up my humble opinion, 'kay?
1) Interesting they're calling the buffalo "beloved". Hmmmm... wasn't it our great forefathers who pilaged the plains and killed thousands upon thousands of buffalo? Cuz I'm just sayin'...
2) Liberty and buffalo. Yup, I can see how the 2 obviously go together. One having so much to do with the other.
3) But most importantly, in an age of scandalous nipple-bearing Superbowls, take a look at this. Clickity click click. Which derelict decided not to remove the huge *penis* from the buffalo?!?!
That is all.
Le photo adventur
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful, flaxen soon-to-be-platinum haired maiden.
Le beautiful maiden knew the only way to be a real designer in a world of (this-is-my)-Land -(so-don't-shit-on-it)- lords, was to spend quality time honing her creativity, thinking, not to mention skills on her own little piece of the internet. Ah. The internet. Where landlords would come to be known as cheap-ass-web-hosts with lots-of-downtime and no-customer-service Jesters.
Yes, we will call them jesters.
So our maiden made a very strict promise with herself. She would strike a deal with said ridiculous jesters and lovingly bring her own piece of webspace to life on 2 conditions (and then she giggled cuz she said ri-DICK-ulous, heh).
First) that she would blog at least once per day for an entire year. Our flaxen haired maiden pondered over the enormity of 366 entries (leap-year, natches) and decided the enormity that is her opinions and mouth could not be contained in 366 entries. This one would be as easy as a pissed wench in the village yonder.
And second) that she would create at least one new design per month. Perhaps her ambitions were a tad lofty, but as we all know now, our beautiful heroine actually cranked out about 30 designs instead of 12, and was able to drop the time of spec to web work from 36 hours down to 90 minutes. Not bad for a flaxen haired maiden from the wrong side of the forrest, eh?
Alas, time passed. The year quickly faded. And our heroine found herself sighing with enormous sighage, mostly wondering why she hadn't gone and made herself promise, ummmm, herself, something ridiculous and lofty involving sun-kissed beaches and the decendents of greek gods. Then she giggled cuz she said ri-DICK-ulous again.
After several months of sighing and the enormous sighage that followed, le A.D.D. heroine hit upon something (and it wasn't the thick skulls of the bumbling idiots throwing themselves at her cottage door).
It was the photoblog. And this is the part where I switch from 3rd person to 1st person cuz, well, we're in the present.
Yes people, with a little of your help I have decided to move on ahead with my designs to somehow weave photography back in to my life. Something I'd been toiling over for a couple of years, no thanks to my ill-aligned planets. However, I have equipped myself with the proper equipment and am ready to unveil my latest adventure: Sopheava de Lumière.
The site is still under-going beta construction, so please be wary of protruding wires, gaudy backgrounds, and Serial Cynica's lurking around every corner. If you check back in a few weeks you might be pleasantly surprised!
Deep thoughts
I'm having a little difficulty understanding the bumper sticker the past few days. Spending so much time with Bella means I'm also spending quality time with red lights. Waiting. And if it's a particularly dull day, those are the days I see bumper stickers like "Defoliate Bush" on the cars in front of me.
I mean, I guess the owner of the car buys the bumper sticker cuz they think they're cute. Or funny. Or have an important message about the baby Jesus. But COME ON! These people look at the stickers ONCE when they buy the sticker, and ONCE when the apply the sticker.
That's it.
Hypothetically speaking, one might take a different route home from work one day so as to stop by the store to pick up something and then get caught in uptown traffic that leaves them sitting in said traffic for a full hour. All to get 3 blocks. And hypothetically speaking, I, I mean, one would have to be faced with an insulting bumper sticker for the entire time. Not that one would be insulted or anything, but it's just not classy. Not funny. Very tacky. And IT LOOKS TERRIBLE ON YOUR DIRTY CAR! And for the most part, one would spend the majority of that hour contemplating why someone would buy a bumper sticker they never even look at.
I'm just not getting it people. I'm sorry.
Supreme beings of leisure
There appears to be one common thread amongst us designers - we're all addicted to music. And iPods. And attention to detail.
Speaking of music, I bet yer wondering what I'm listening to this very instant, aren't you? Aren't you?! Gather 'round - I'm sharing what's on my playlist this week. Right here, right now, for a short time only I offer you The Music No One Probably Likes But Me™.
Right click. Blah blah blah.
Butterfly Boucher - Life Is Short (Apparently they're touring with Tori. Frankly, I only put this one on here cuz I knew Steve would enjoy it.)
Crowded House - Better Be Home Soon (If only Neil Finn weren't so old...)
Tori Amos - Iieee (I think I'm the only Tori fan *OBSESSED* with this song - it's my all time favorite of hers)
Alana Davis - The Benefit (New album by her, it's one of those you end up listening to all the time but don't even realize you're doing it)
Madeleine Peyroux - Dance Me to the End of Love (Aaaahhhh... to be back in 1920...)
Yummy!
Days like today are what we call Rockingest Ever™ days in the land of design.
One of my new favorite people requested a design and ended up with two. TWO!!! (Although I do take partial responsibility for that since she really only requested 1 design, and I had to go all up 'n in her business and come up with some completely left-field of pink... and sparkly... which of course, will be next week....)
This is the first installation of her skin-age, a nice clean feel with a bit of a Parisian, European flavor to it. You know, since she's going to Paris next week 'n all. I swear, if I didn't already have tickets booked to my European destination we'd sooooooo be bartering over them.
Go say hi to Rachel, mkay?
(Plus the poor thing dated Steve about 10 years ago, so take pity on her... she was all young 'n stuff... But she got over that phase, and that's why we ***love*** her so much! *squish*)
*I love you guys*
I really enjoy the people I work with. They're smart. They're funny. Their willingness to do anything to help anyone is a wonderful environment to work in.
But today... *sigh* ... today I got to spend some time geeking out with the programmers at another office. And it was wooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnderful. *heavier sigh* Don't get me wrong, I so love my job. But ... ya'know? Sometimes a girl's just gotta be around coding... and servers... and talk of technology... and computers... and programming. And sometimes, when you can't get enough talking in about all those wonderful things, they'll take you out to lunch for a big ass half-pound bacon cheeseburger so you can talk *MORE* about the goodness that is geekery. It's all cool 'n stuff.
The tricky part would be convincing management how much more productive and useful I would be surrounded by the right people. And that's pretty much not gonna happen. So in the meantime, I'll probably spend my time plotting to get more time with my peeps. Peace out, my technology homies.
Random confabulation
This weekend will be Bella's first big trip away from home. Supervised of course - no daughter of mine gets to go out on her own before she's been properly broken in!!! Still, my little girl's all growing up way too quickly *tear*.
I'm taking her to meet the rest of the fam in Wisconsin. Today we went and had her all spiffy'd up for the big adventure ahead, but of course it had to go and SNOW all over the place the past 6 hours... which means after a 4 1/2 hour drive she'll likely be vaguely distinguishable from a sooty orphan. Meh.
Subsequently if you've been keeping track in your head or on ledger paper, you'll notice that I will be absent from the blog for a few days. Please, try to pick up around the place a bit while I'm gone. And if you get bored, you can just read about the goodness that is making brat's. Apparently getting to dig around pig intestines isn't even part of the hazing process. Who knew?!?!
Also, you have 2 other assignments while I'm gone...
FIRST) The book cover project that Le Serial Cynica and I did several months ago is BACK ON after much begging and pleading by a couple of nameless individuals *you know who you smart asses are*.
Only *this* time we're taking book title submissions from YOU.
The Rules Are: You submit the name of a book you'd like to see a cover design for. We will selectively and unfairly pick a couple of winners and present our designs at a future, unannounced date. This game is only fun if you offer up some great book titles, so put your thinking caps on.
SECOND) In about a month I will be ditching you guys, for our longest separation yet, all so I can jetisen off to Europe for a week and a half to tip back martini glasses and stumble my ass through beautiful cities and countrysides. WOO HOO!
I'd like to have some guest bloggers posting while I'm gone. But please, don't all volunteer at once.
If you don't volunteer, I *WILL* hunt several of you down and force you to do it in shifts... so best you step forward and play nicely with the big kids right now. Anyone already in the possession of a blog is on my list - you bloggers are NOT excluded FROM THE FUN THAT WILL BE THIS GAME, DAMNIT!
Have a great weekend everyone!
1. Appetizer - Where do you go when you want to relax?
My bedroom. I turn off the computer, pull the drapes, turn on the soft, warm lamp next to my bed, and curl up under the warm covers with a really good book. And some vanilla scented candles. Mmmmmmm..... And if we're going to go ahead and draw out the fantasy, I will have taken a nice, long, warm bath first (one in which the bathroom is lit only with a few candles). To finish it off, I'll throw on my big, cozy white robe after applying generous amounts of sweet-smelling lotion. Yup. That relaxes me.
2. Soup - Tell about something that made you laugh this week.
Her. The last time I talked to her she was drunk so I spent a lot of the conversation laughing *at* her instead of with her.
3. Salad - What is your favorite texture?
This one is tough! I'll have to go with the texture of my duvet cover. I can't explain it very well, but it's sown in to teeny tiny, itty bitty, diamond segmented blocks of vanilla-white goodness. Alternatively, my answer is *my skin*. No no, not my blog skin, my skin skin! Seriously, I have *freakishly* soft and smooth skin that I love to touch (particularly my shoulders and lower back). Is that weird?
4. Main Course - If you were to publish your autobiography, what would the first sentence be?
Uhhhhhhhhhhh... I will defer to my autobiographer for the answer to that one.
5. Dessert - Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? If so, how?
No. I'm not Irish in any way, shape, or form. Last time I check I'm American - 100% USDA certified American. However, I do enjoy green so if I've got the time I might throw up a quickie skin in honor of...
Pillow talk
Bella and I are safely back in Minneapolis... but I spent about 7 hours too many in my car no thanks to some very, very uncooperative weather.
This cold weather thing is starting to get real, real old.
But all is well in the land of Andrews and I'll write a bit more normally tomorrow. Must... get... rest now. Oh yes, and some Johnny Depp. Mmmmmmmm... Johnny Depp.
Nighty night loves.
Mystery dinner
She just bought a digital camera this weekend and took some pictures for the first time in, actually... since as long as I've known her I've never seen her take a picture!
Behold, the goodness of technology.
I think I may start a fund to arrange for the support of photography lessons, since I received this in my inbox last night:
What.... is it?! I think I can see some purple rice in there, and what looks to me like the green tongue of a toothed fish, who apparently has swallowed something's gonads whole.
Ew.
Get yer submissions in!
So far we have 3 6 entries via him and him for the book cover design activity I'm hosting here at Sopheava.com. They are:
Book #1 - The sequal in the Fluffy series: Fluffy Gets a Haircut
Book #2 - The Waltz of the Zombie
Book #3 - Naked on the Lawn: Tales of a Football Streaker
Book #4 - All Is Well in the World of Bubble Gum and Balloons
Book #5 - The Audit of Strange People
Book #6 - Moses and the Golden Calf: A Love Story
Book names people. We need book names!!!! Can't very well be designing book covers without book names, now can we?
So... have at it 'n stuff!
Leprechaun Love
Just in time for St. Patty's Day, I threw together a quickie skin in celebration.
Well that, and I was also needing to switch out those pinks and purples. MAN! It's been looking like the Purple People Eater threw up all over this place about a year ago. WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY SAY ANYTHING?!?!
Therefore, behold, the beauty of greys... Er...., grays?
Angry bed positions
Thankfully, this article need not apply to many readers here at Sopheava.com.
For the less fortunate readers, I offer you the Angry Bed Positions Guide.
syl-LA-ble
I'm having difficulty with the word "facets". I say "facets", but no matter how hard I try (and believe me, I'm trying real, real hard!!!) it comes out "faah-SETS".
Every. Single. Time.
FAH-sets. FAH-sets. FAH-sets. Not faah-SETS. Excuse me while I go kick my own ass in the corner for a moment...
The unveiling
*Someone* got new glasses today!!!
So..... whadya think?
Sopheava de Lumiére, part deux
I'd like to draw your attention to the side nav. I've got all the components and am officially beginning my journey in to the dangerous land of the "photoblog". I was never one to *do* typical, so around here we'll call it Sopheava de Lumiére. Sopheava of Light, as it were.
What will you find in my photoblog you find yourself asking your, um, self?
Probably nothing good. Natches. However, what you may one day see on Sopheava de Lumiére are pictures of me, friends, friends mollesting bronze statues, family members, family members with mullets, family members with permed mullets, old pictures of me, and everything else I forgot to put on this list.
Regardless of what you see lurking in these pages, I can tell you with absolute certainty that each photo is important to me for some reason or another.
In conclusion, be ye well and check back often.
Mr. Wrong
Riiiiight. I think tonight it's officially apparent that I'm attracted to the wrong type of guy.
So I'm watching the movie Van Helsing (again) when I realized that I've been staring at Count Dracula with my mouth open. You figure he's what... 800, 900 years old in this movie, he has an accent, he has a PONYTAIL, ooh right, plus he's rich. And I'm all, "Yummmmmmy
Ok really though. This guy playing Count Dracula is totally yummy! Richard Roxburgh. So I IMDB this bad boy and find out he was the bad guy in Mission Impossible II, too.
Hello, YUMMY IN THAT MOVIE TOO!
(Mental note to self, say yummy again... yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy...)
So here's my short list of other badies I think are yummy:
1. Johnny Depp in many, many movies
2. Pierce Brosnan, in the Thomas Crown Affair
3. Arnold Vosloo, in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns
4. Hugh Jackman, in Swordfish
5. James Purefoy, in Vanity Fair
Yeah I know, some of them aren't even anything to write home about. It's their sparkling personalities that does it for me I guess.
The good stuff is on it way, *fingers crossed*
I realize I've been awful at posting all the good, juicy bits around here for your entertainment as of late. I mean, you haven't even heard about the time I got all snotty with an order-taker at McDonalds thereby sending my friend in to fits of hysteria in the passenger's seat, or when plarge came and visited me and butter boy. Or the time an usher at a non-adult theater nearly ripped the expensive film out of my camera for taking a picture of an auditorium CHAIR! And then there was the time a married guy tried to pick me up after telling me about his year old baby and 3 months pregnant wife at home rates right up there too, but not before the story about the time I got the hiccups at the third bar that evening and had the bartender give me some REALLY horrible concoction involving a lemon and something with 200 proof alcohol to make them go away, thereby making me throw up for the first time ever in the bathroom of a bar (I was totally NOT wasted, it was the LEMON!).
And that's just the past *WEEK* of my life.
So... uhm, I guess my point is that I'll try real, real hard to post some good stuff for you starting... right... now.
Or soon. Ish.
Ditto.
What he said.
Please.
Sophie's story corner
It's apparent that I might officially be the reigning queen of Space Cadetedness™.
Yesterday one of my very best and oldest friends, Shea (pronounced SHAY, and if you get it wrong she'll give you a bloody nose - honest), called to invite me to her family's house for Easter. And of course the first thing that comes flying out of my mouth is, "Oh cool, when's that?" Am I the only person in the entire universe that didn't realize that Easter is on SUNDAY?! Am I also the only person that paraphrases herself with phrases like "Oh cool"? Honestly, a thesaurus and a Collected Works of Shakespeare might be in my near future.
So yes, Easter is Sunday and this is your friendly Sopheava reminder to pick up extra eggs on the way home from work.
On Sunday I went to the Children's Theater in Minneapolis to see the production of The Monkey King, which of course was totally fabulous and I highly recommend it to children everywhere. Anyway, I sat in an auditorium completely surrounded by hundreds of infants, toddlers, and young'ns -- which initially sent me in to a state of shock followed by phases of short-breathedness, chronic blurriness, and obsessive child-pissing-me-off disorder. As the phases passed I realized what a fabulous thing it is to be a child! There I sat watching the show thinking about how exceptionally creative the costuming and sets were, how much one of the actors reminded me of Chris Farley, and how the dry ice was making me kinda cough.
But the kids around me were TOTALLY hypnotized by the colors onstage, and that the show only egged them on to use their imaginations in a cheesy way really did the best and most fantastic job of sucking them in to the story even more!!! Oh to be an innocent child...
I do have one regret though... My mom used to take me to tons and tons of plays when I was growing up. I mean really, it seemed like we always had tickets to something, which was great cuz I LOVE TICKETS! But I'll never forget the Plays in the Park she used to take me to. I sat on the grass with all the other kids (parental units were exiled to the perimteres of course) and when it came time for a scene change someone would come out on stage and say, "OK kids, now cover your eyes REAL, REAL TIGHT!!! And no peeking!" Then they would proceed to tell some short, magical story involving why we couldn't see what was going on and using our imaginations to take us to a far away land.
And to this day, I wish I had peeked! Seriously. I still have no idea what went on on-stage while I had my eyes closed.
And this concludes Sopheava Story Time for today. Thank you for your attention boys and girls.
I've got the "Ichiban"
Miso soup.
Steamed rice.
Zucchini.
Mushrooms.
Onions.
Shrimp.
Filet mignon.
Gyoza.
Sweet sauce.
Spicy sauce.
Orange sherbert.
Water.
... and that was just in the past 2 hours. Excuse me while I slip in to a teppenyaki coma for a moment or evening. But it was so fabulously fabulous and totally worth every cent. Plus I got to see my friend so that was a total score too.
And for future reference, every teppenyaki place in Minneapolis is booked on Wednesday evenings. Call at least a day ahead or eat like a normal human being.
Must... reach... bed.... now...
Winter can kiss my a$$
There's a slight problem with skin going down in my house right now.
I'm slightly obsessed with the softness of my skin, so imagine my surprise when this winter I find that the tops of my hands - especially in the area of the knuckles - has been extremely dry. It's like teeny, tiny little elves with itty, bitty, dagger-sharp teeth sneak in to my room and go to town on my hands like a Steve on an Apple.
And who can blame them? My hands are normally silky smooth, and even babies flush when I'm near. For the smoothness of my skin gives their chubby little hands a run for their cuteness-money.
But yesterday a new low was reached when after using the restroom and washing my hands they actually started to bleed a little. And now I have SORES on my harsh, weatherbeaten hands. Teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, bloody little sores on the tops of my hands. And scratch marks!!!
I'm totally at a loss as to why this is happening to me. It only happens in the winter, and for some reason this winter it's out of control. I'm beginning to wonder if it's the harsh, medical anti-bacterial soap I'm forced to use 50 times a day when I use the restroom or wash anything out in the kitchen at work.
Drying everything with harsh paper towels probably isn't helping the matter much either.
What shall I do? I can't stop washing my hands at work and I've resorted to applying the strong lotion 51 times a day just to keep up with the dryness. WHO KNOWS SOMETHING?! ANYTHING?! Pleeeeeease. I'm having a skin-mergency here.
Friday morning sunshine
Things that are making me nuts today (as of 8am CST):
-- Having to wake up before 6am for a pre-work appointment.
-- My hair doing something it's never done before, leaving it totally unmanagable.
-- Hitting every, single, solitary red light all the way to work.
-- Going in for contact lenses (which in itself is a traumatizing event for me) only to be left WAITING in the waiting room for a half hour. Meaning of course that I'll be late for work.
-- So instead of being late for work I went ahead and decided to reschedule. Which is exactly when they called me back for my fitting. NOW I have to fear the contact lenses for an extra week and a half!!! (I have sensitive, dry, astigmatic eyes, OKAY?!)
-- Being hungry cuz I had to wake up so early and therefore skip breakfast in my rush to get out the door.
-- Stopping for a sausage, egg, and cheese bagel, only to get someone that didn't even speak ENGLISH. Resulting in me having to take ten whole minutes out of my day to spell it out for her.
-- Being jipped a dollar in change by said person's incompetence.
-- Getting to work and finding out the sausage egg and cheese bagel sandwich I've been looking forward to for the past year of my life is actually .... a ham sandwich.
Other than that it's a great day!
Meme-tally gifted
The Friday's Feast...
1. Appetizer - What is the worst movie you've ever seen?
That's a tough question cuz I know my brain has done a fairly good job at pushing out all the bad movie memories once taking up precious space upstairs. Maybe the Scooby Doo movie?
2. Soup - Name something that reminds you of your childhood.
Being in Eastern Wisconsin. I couldn't give you any street names, but from Appleton to Oshkosh to Elkhart Lake to Sheboygan I know all the backroads like the back of my desparately-needing-lotion hands. Just being there reminds me of growing up.
3. Salad - If you had to live in a large city, which one would you want it to be?
I've never been to Paris, but I'll take her word for it and list off Paris, London, and Stockholm as my top, equally wonderful, 3 choices.
4. Main Course - What's a "big word" you like to use to impress people?
"Competence", but I don't use it to impress people.
5. Dessert - Describe your hairstyle.
Long, platinum and red goodness. Alternatively, you can just see for yourself here.
---------------------------------------------
And there's a new meme in town this morning cuz I figured we needed to shake things up a bit. This one is the Friday Fiver
1. What kind of toothpaste do you use?
Colgate whitening. I've been using this toothpaste for years but it hasn't actually made my teeth any whiter. So I tried the Crest Whitening Strips and yes, they did the trick.
2. Do you take vitamins?
Negative.
3. Which over-the-counter drug can't you live without?
I don't buy or take drugs.
4. What kind of soap do you have in your shower?
Ha ha ha ha ha. Well, there's the Shaklee Meadow Blend bar of soap which is my all time favoritest soap (and what I'm convinced keeps my skin so silky soft). But then I also keep Cetaphil for washing my face (it's all neutral 'n gentle 'n stuff). And then you have about 7 different flavors of Victoria's Secret Shower Gel: Vanilla Lace, Amber Romance, Endless Love, Passionate Kisses, Love Spell, Romantic Wish, and Sweet Temptation. It all depends which mood I'm in! Oh yeah, and there's also Ginger something-er-other from Origins <-- that's my special going-out fragrance.
5. What is the most unusual item in your medicine cabinet?
What's unusual about my medicine cabinet is probably that I don't have very much makeup. I've never been a big makeup person, so in it you'll find mascara, neutral eyeshadow, and a few neutral-ish lipsticks. THAT'S IT!
The power of words
Man, this article oughtta ruffle someone's feathers.
Apparently there's a doctor in Japan who has done a ground-breaking study on water through the use of high-speed photography. Emoto labeled glasses with different words such as "love", "war", "hate", or "joy" and then photographed the crystals as they froze in each glass.
The results are mind-blowing.
He found that water from clear springs and water that has been exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns. In contrast, polluted water, or water exposed to negative thoughts, forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors.
When you wake up tomorrow, make sure you tell the people you care about how much you love them. More importantly, make sure you look in the mirror and remind yourself how much you love yourself.
It does matter.
Spring haze
The interesting thing about having a photoblog is that you have to take pictures. Except you need to substitute the word *obvious* for *interesting*. And insert the words *... a metric fuckton of ...* before the word pictures.
Yup, now we're getting somewhere.
So today was my first adventure around Minneapolis to gather the goods for *YOUR* viewing pleasure. Don't forget folks, it's alllllllllllll about you.
Steve and I have been planning this little outting for weeks and finally got around to making it happen today. When I told a friend of mine we were planning on walking around downtown taking pictures, the first thing she said to me was, "But... you'll look like a tourist!!!!! Won't you be embarrassed?! You *live* down there for goodness sakes!"
I've learned that in so far as respecting photography and looking at things differently, that preconceived notions like "embarrassment" at walking around the city looking up and pointing my camera at complete strangers that silly little things like embarrassment fly out the window real, real quick.
So this morning we met for our little excursion and breakfast at the best greasy spoon, breakfast place in all of Minneapolis: Keys.
What? People gotta eat!
After brekkie we started walking and managed a 3 hour tour round downtown and in to my neighborhood around Loring Park. Here's what I learned during our little adventure:
- There are 3 pigeons in all of Minneapolis that run from strangers. I met them on the corner of 10th and 3rd streets.
- My Canon Rebel camera has a name: Nina. She likes her name.
- Just about ever lamppost near Harmon and Yale has a strange print glued on to it. Think Booh-bah meets 1920-s Paris. Strange indeed.
- Minneapolis does not have color in the winter. All color is DEAD. Therefore taking quality pictures for the photoblog becomes quite a challenge. No challenge is too great for *YOU*, my dear readers. I pushed on through my moment of turmoil.
- A wretched pox on all the people spraying graffiti downtown. Don't fuck with our beautiful city, mkay? Thanks.
- You *can* take pictures in the Bascillica.
- The best view of the Minneapolis skyline comes from my living room window.
- All that walking around results in one splendid, relaxing, rewarding nap.
I guess I ruined what you'll be seeing around the photoblog in the coming weeks, didn't I?
Hap-peep Easter
Happy Easter!
For your easter present this year, I got you a skin of a saucy looking woman that I totally love. Actually, I've been so busy designing for everyone else that I decided to throw together a skin for myself. So, WHOALA! Go take a look and enjoy the goodness of Easter skins.
I also gave her a new skin tonight.. She requested something sparkly and girlie.... so... that's what she got! Go say hi, wont'cha?
She is totally the next stop on my list because A) she's awesome, and B) she's been waiting foreeeeeever. Much love, *mwah*.
Uber-improvements!
Monday's latest and greatest.
1) I'm so addicted to avocados and anything made from them. YUM! Just thought I would share.
2) I'm switching web hosts at some point later this week. Things may get a little wonky around here (and Ubershique) towards the end of the week. In fact, the whole site will probably be down this weekend. *HAVE NO FEAR* Saucy Sophie should be back to normal by the beginning of next week.
3) With all that goes in to switching webhosts, I decided to redesign Sopheava. Ha ha ha, ARE YOU KIDDING?! I just gave you a new design! Plus, I'm not crazy. But I did decide to go ahead and redesign Ubershique since she's been in DESPARATE need of some TLC. She will also be ready by the beginning of next week looking newer and fresher than ever with all kinds of goodies for you to look forward to.
So enjoy me (and my photoblog) while you can. This will be the longest I've been away from you guys for almost a year and a half! *sniff*
I've been foiled!
*Unf*
It appears my great and mighty plot to move Sopheava to its new home has been fantastically FOILED! My poor computer, Shiva, has decided that burning CDs is soooooooooo last year and refuses to do it anymore. At least not without corrupting the bejeesies out of them first.
Tough spot my friends, tough spot.
So it looks like I will be spending my weekend reformatting. Alas, you will have to deal with my daily ramblings and mutterings, not to mention pictures until I get Shiva back in order. The Ubershique redesign is still fantastically on-schedule and will be up before the weekend's end. How many ways dust I amaze myself? Let me count thee....
All is well, don't worry your pretty little heads. I've had my precious Shiva for 2 years and she's never been reformatted. Plus it's spring and time for some spring cleaning in the Andrews household. w00t!
Ubershique 2.0
It's official: Ubershique 2.0 has officially had a makeover and is updated to the 2005 times. After all, hot pink was SOOOOOO 2004.
I'm still tossing about adding some extra portfolio pieces, cuz, well, I can. Also, I believe there's a few of you who need updated Ubershique buttons! WHO'S EXCITED ABOUT BUTTONS?!?! I will be emailing those out sometime, um, soonish.
I feel like an opening like this should have hours devours being served by people on roller skates in a very white museum. Perhaps next year *le sigh*. Enjoy!
Teen queens on the radar
I was sooooo busted on the way to work this morning. Here I am, driving to work in my sporty little car, zooming through rush hour traffic, completely BLARING music and singing at the top of my lungs cuz A) the sun is shining, B) it's getting warmer, and C) I'm only 2 weeks away from vacation!!! But I got to a stoplight right off the main highway, only to have the cute guy in the very expensive, luxury sedan checking out (but mostly sneering at) my vocal talents as I sang along to *gasp* Hillary Duff.
I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!
I don't know why I did it, but apparently I put her song "Coming Clean" on to a CD I made a few months ago. And today I accidentally stumbled across it as I was flipping through music. IT WAS A TOTAL ACCIDENT. Man, I need some new music in my life. Anyone have any suggestions (NO Steve, NO NO NO - I won't do punk)?
In other teen-queen news, apparently Britney Spears is lashing out at the tabloids on her website as of late.
Wow Britney, that's so deep that I bet they're all having emergency meetings this morning calling in all the help they can get to repent for their morally reprehensible sins. HELLO?! Of course they want people who lie. OF COURSE they don't prefer the latter - OTHERWISE THEY WOULD HAVE HIRED THEM EINSTEIN! The whole point of what they do is to write about trash (did you get that, Brit?) because people find it amusing. Seems like the *bigger* (no pun intended) person here should be you Brit. Didn't the "guidelines" of Kabbalah teach you that you shouldn't spend so much time trashing others and spend MORE time wondering why you give a sh*t about what people say?
I'm just sayin'.
And to think that last week she was complaining cuz she's felt too "under the radar" recently. Funny stuff, Brit. Funny stuff.
Before you dial my number, think again
I am so a hazard to the human race.
[Do note: that I am sooooooo loving that little Kelly Clarkson song called "Since You've Been Gone" if for no other reason than people are now ok with using the word 'so' as she did in the phrase, "I'm so moving on.". Ha ha ha, it kills me.]
ANYWAY, a colleague of mine brought her baby in to work today. A totally adorable, huggable, kissable baby that was so cute I just wanted to squish his little cheeks and grab his belly if only to hear him laugh. Only I didn't cuz I am not a baby person.
I'm not a baby person. I'm not a cat person. And I'm not a dog person.
Which isn't totally accurate because I love all those things, but I love all those things *when they belong to other people*. Here's my problem. Said colleague brought over the baby and she promptly launched in to the coo'ing and ooh'ing and aah'ing at him... only I'm not a baby person so I was more like, "Hi! *waves*," and the mostly sat there thinking to myself, "Um, ok, so..... what do I do now?" Luckily mama was totally in to the kid and didn't even notice my virgin-ness to the whole baby deal.
But THEN she said, "Here, hold him a second," and was promptly shoving him in to my lap so she could tie his pants back up (I know, lots of guys have that problem when they're around me ;-). If only you could have seen me... holding a baby, but holding a baby like someone who doesn't know how to hold a baby holds a baby. It was so ridiculous. I'm seriously not certain whether I'll ever be cut out for that motherhood thing cuz I just don't have that natural "knack" for kids. I don't know how to entertain them or what to do with them. And they usually laugh in my face like I'm a fucking amateur.
Which of course, I am.
About the cats and dogs - LOVE THEM LOVE THEM LOVE THEM! The problem is that THEY LOVE ME too much. So much that I find myself thinking, "Good grief, could you *please* not touch me for like 2 seconds?" Which apparently is what owning an animal is all about. You come home from you busy day at work to an animal who's been alone all day, and your evening is spent with a big lump of fur on your lap. And who spends its time weaving in and out of your feet as you walk around the apartment. Or meowing at you as you try to be alone FOR 2 SECONDS when you go to the bathroom. Or jumping on you when you just want a glass of water. OR BREATHING ON YOU! *pant, pant, pant*
How interesting, you could take that last paragraph and perfectly describe a BOYFRIEND with it. Yeah, I'm not certain I'm cut out for that whole "commitment" thing.
This means I'm so NOT your babysitter, mkay? Thanks.