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Read carefully, you might be on my list

Man, this little meme has been popping up ALL over the place. So a few weeks too late I'm playing along... read carefully, you might BE IT! Or just feel free to play along per normal.

*mwah*

1. 10 random consecutive tracks from iTunes Winamp:

-- Holly McNarland - Elmo
-- Sarah Brightman - Misere Mei
-- Coldplay - The Scientist
-- Zero 7 - Warm Sound
-- Snoop Dogg - Drop It Like It's Hot (you didn't just read that, honestly)
-- Bjork - Midvikudags
-- Rasa - Gopinatha
-- Peter Murphy - Idle Flow
-- Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter
-- Massive Attack - What Your Soul Sings

2. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
Ha, you caught me on the good week. Around... 1.24 gigs. Normally it's about 10 times that.

3. The last CD you bought is:
Ani Difranco - Knuckledown

4.What is the song you last listened to before this meme?
Coldplay - Don't Panic

5. Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
This changes weekly, however I'm giving you my current state of 5...

-- Colplay - Don't Panic
-- Massive Attack - What Your Soul Sings
-- Frou Frou - Let Go
-- Dido - Honestly OK
-- Damien Rice - Volcano

6. Who are you gonna pass this stick to:
STEVE, you're it!!!
PLARGE, you're it too!!!
And if Miss Cynica ever read my blog anymore, she'd be it too. Alas, I'm not loved. *sigh*

Whatever happened to the days of Winamp 2?

Excuse me for a moment while I get this off my chest...

Windows Media Player needs to die a painful, horrible death. NOT ONLY is it verbose, clunky, counter-intuitive, not to mention UGGGGGGLY, but has it slipped everyone's attention that it CRACKLES WHEN YOU HAVE OTHER PROGRAMS OPEN?!

GAHHHHH!

Yup. Just try it. Play something (if you can figure out *how* to play something - I dare you) and then open up a program. Any old program. And to make it more interesting, make it a MICROSOFT program like Word.

Then kinda drag the program around the screen a little. HEAR THAT?! IT'S CRACKLING!!!

Death to you, Windows Media Player.

Um, except when I'm at work and don't have any other media players at my fingertips. Then I suppose you'll have to do.

When out of nowhere, along came he

So, excuse me if I'm *gulp* having a little trouble articulating right now. Because I'm watching the movie Vanity Fair when all of a sudden THIS comes on the screen...

*gasp* His name is James Purefoy.

Pure*JOY*. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.

I KNOW, right?!

Play his music, play it louder!

Earlier tonight I was mostly thinking about how uninspired I've been lately. Meh. And I was even laying in bed, with my eyes "resting", thinking to myself, "Margaret, you've been rather uninspired lately." But then... like a FLASH of lightning I had the sudden urge to drive myself out to a far away land called... "Minnetonka" (isn't that just so exotic?!?!)... and buy myself this.

Believe me, I have logged maaaaaaaany-a-hours subjecting ex's to this show. It's just so, THRILLING! And INTERESTING! And totally RIDICULOUS! And that's why I love it. And now I have a full 24 hours of Charmed goodness to keep me busy for about, oh I'd say 24 hours or so.

What I hadn't planned on buying was this. Do you see him?! It's the man I cheat on all my other musician-types with... Oakey. But he doesn't so much like it when I call him that in public, so we'll refer to him as "Paul" around here. Now first of all, I'm trying to understand how he's somehow transformed in to a pre-pubescent version of himself - cuz honestly Paul, I'm so *not* loving the long hair-do. Please, I always ask politely the first time, do the buzzed thing again (it just SO compliments your nice arms. Really.), won't you? Secondly, I admire that you are keeping with your regular Release An Album Every 12 Weeks Or So™ pattern. However, I'm having a little difficulty with the fact you never publicize it! Not EVEN on your own website (you do know the website written on the cd is buggered, right?). Why, if I didn't keep such close tabs on you, thanks to amazon, you'd probably off and lose yourself in a field somewhere. Really Paul, do you need a webmaster to come handle these things for you? Cuz I'm just sayin'...

It should go without saying the album is KA (mom, that's short for "kick ass", cuz I know you were wondering). He's fantastic, the album is like a mixture between his Swordfish brilliance, his mid-late-ish 90's work, Creamfields, and I'm going out on a limb here and adding Moby to that mix. Please, no attacks. I'm just calling it like I hear it. And it's FABULOUS!

Although, if we're gonna split some hairs here, the second half of the album is weak.

There, NOW I've gone and said it.

Well, it *is* weak. Several of the later track are pretty much ripped off versions of some of his more famous earlier pieces... and so I'm left feeling a bit, well, feh about that whole thing. If the first half weren't so FUCKING FANTASTIC I'd probably be a little irritated. Let's just chalk it up to the hair, get it cut, and call it a day. Mkay? Great. Thanks xx.

Annnnnnnnnd I'm spent. Have a great evening ya'll.

PS, anyone wishing for a little *taste* of my man knows the how and where to get ahold of me. Let's just keep all that under the table, mkay? Great. Thanks xx.

My naughty and nice list

I haven't done this in a while, but am feeling especially apreciative today. It's my list of favorite things for January. And December.

Plus or minus, you know.

the club | mini ipod | pumpkin spice candles | bella | best friends | sushi | the color purple | the store i can't live without | new beginnings | curtains | o | 51 degrees | honesty | my absolute most favorite yarn on the entire planet | the newsroom | my family | streussel | lucky bamboo | positive tax returns | friends like these | bleach | bedroom art | kitchen art | mister car wash | endless love

Time wisely invested

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in ages. I took out a pencil and paper (not even my favorite black pen), and I wrote. A lot.

And I realized something... my handwriting SUCKS!

I was always, always, alllllways very particular about my handwriting when I was younger, making sure every curve was formed just so. And that the end result was something I enjoyed looking at from a distance or even upside down. Perfectly perfect handwriting *le wowsa's*.

Yeah, but that handwriting is LONG gone. Gone are the days of nubby pencils and .18 cent pens... replaced by $1000 keyboards. I mean really, it's *much* faster to type and just get it all out there off the top of your head, right? Not to mention that if you make a mistake you don't have to erase it. You just delete, delete, delete, ctrl shft arrow arrow.

But I sooooo enjoyed sharpening my pencil yesterday and was surprised that when I wrote I actually had all kinds of time to think very particularly about the words I used to express myself, because let's face it. It takes AGES to write one little word (like my name - man, could my parents have PICKED a longer name?!). All this compared to any old crap finding its typed way on to the blog. Can you believe I didn't even use one single like, crap, cool, neat, fun, or whoa?

And I really enjoyed it when I got to the 3rd piece of paper because my middle finger was all sore and chafed from the wood on the tip of the pencil. Battle wounds man. I was soooo brought back to 10th grade calculus.

When I got done with one page, I held it up to the wall and actually wanted to frame it because it was rather lovely (not as lovely as it used to be, of course). Taking all this in, it's kind of sad the art of handwriting is disappearing... wouldn't you agree?

I've been duped

So you know that saying... "They melt in your mouth, not in your hand"?

That's such a crock.

I just picked up a handful of M&Ms (mostly because they were VERY teasing, all sitting there dressed in pink and white), walked to a few desks to have some chats with coworkers, and NOW my hands are sticky! Not even 5 minutes and I've got a case of he stick.

Stick. Y.
Stick-to-the-(e)Y.
S-T-to the double-dogg-Ick. With an (e)Y all up in the crib.

Dear M&Ms,

You stick.

Regards,
Margaret

PS, I take full credit for imparting the new catch-phrase You Stick® in to our pop-culture lexicon. You heard it here first.

High maintenance, I am

Dear Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, former presidents, Valentine's dates, pilgrims, and all scary kids knocking on my door for candy,

Next year will someone *please* get me a lint roller? Because I always try to find them in the store and never can. Frankly, it's starting to get real embarrassing (just ask Steve, but you won't ever see with me cuz he's too embarrassed).

Love,
Margaret

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily *sing along*

Alright, alright, ALRIGHT ALREADY!

Since all my friends are blogging about Google Maps, I suppose I can throw in my 2 cents worth too.

If you're living under a rock, let me fill you in.

Basically, Google has decided that the world is filled with a bunch of idiots (and I should know, they all try to crash their cars in to mine EVERY SINGLE DAY, just like that old game "Asteroid" circa 1984). So right after Google got done jacking hotmail and laughing all the way to the bank, they went straight to work on spelling it all out for everyone.

BEHOLD! Google Maps.

Go on, try it. Enter your address and view the gorgeousness that is them.

But don't stop there! Oh no! Hungry for pizza and don't know what you want or what's nearby? Type in something generic like "Minneapolis Pizza" and view all the cute little pushpins dotted all over the map. Kinda makes you feel sorry for Mapquest, huh?

Poor, poor Mapquest.

Ok, back to Google. You gotta admire those smart bastards... um, cuz they're real smart. Check out what happens if you do a map search for "Insufferable Whiners in Washington DC".

KICK 'EM IN THE NADS, BOYS!!!! RIGHT WHERE IT COUNTS!

*Hey, where did THAT come from?!?!*

Well, if you're wishing (like me) for a job at Google, I suppose there's always gonna be this...

F5 that puppy

A friend sent me this comic this morning. No really, "a friend".

Thought *cough* some of you *cough* would get a laugh (click to enlarg-en).

Friday's Feast

Le Valentine Feast.

1. Appetizer - What do you want for Valentine's Day?

A plane ticket. WELL I DO!

2. Soup - If you could change the color of something you own, what would it be and which color would you make it?

I would change the color of my walls (although I don't *technically* own my apartment). It's funny because I actually can paint my walls, I just don't want to have to paint them back to white when I move. Minor detail in the lease 'n stuff.

3. Salad - What's your favorite day of the week and why?

Saturday. Because if work let me stroll in around noon - in my pajamas - after a morning martini and then lay down for a nap around 3 o'clock after working on the coolest computer on the entire planet while playing Half-Life 2 intermittently, another day of the week might have a shot.

4. Main Course - What excuse do you use most often?

"Whatever". And "I'm just sayin'". Actually, those aren't really excuses - I'm quite good at just telling it like it is 99.9% of the time. Heh.

5. Dessert - Name something or someone you feel sorry for.

Mapquest.

dawg-y dogg

This crazy and I have been doing this thing for years.

See, our story starts when I was in college. Aaahhhh, those were the good old days, weren't they? Well, as anyone who has been stalking known me for a while knows, I'm completely obsessed with music. And as you might start to see, this isn't a new obsession. Oh no. I can remember listening to Boston in older brother Chris's El Camino, and the sweet sounds of Cinderella, Poison, Warrant, *EVEN* Stryper coming from permed-mullet-having other brother Paul's yellow bedroom. And I'm not afraid to admit, right now, that Bad English was the first group I ever bought on CD. What can I say? I loved them, and had I been 10 years older I would have been a Def Leppard, Winger, Nelson, or even Alice Cooper groupie.

But... *sigh*... I was 8. Ya'know?

Fast-forward to college and the dorm room I lived in called "D". My wise-alek friend Shea thought it would be funny to use the "D" on my door to help form (with a little help from Sharpie) the words "DJ mDogg". Because, obviously, I was always the one with all the music for all the parties. Alllllllllll the music.

I thought it was pretty funny, ho hum, and several years later I could still make myself giggle on command by signing my name "mDogg" every time I emailed her. Well, it *IS* funny! Just like when I write stuff like "abou tit". *hee hee* Inevitably After a while, even "mDogg" started to get a little boring, so I started throwing adjectives in the middle of the name to spice up the email (always thinking, this one!). Thus my signatures became names like "~m-The-Bored-Dogg". Or "~m-The-Polka-Dotted-Unmentionable-Wearing-Dogg".

She and I have been doing this for ye-he-hears... so a few days ago I went through some of our old emails and pulled a sampling of the more infamous signatures (my poor mother having to read all this...) for your pure, unadulterated entertainment. Enjoy.

-k-the-I-just-got-jacked-Dawg-
-k-the-don't-fuck-with-me-I've-read-the-Satanic-Bible-Dawg-
-k-the-ready-to-get-retarded-with-her-Libran-Indigo-Goddess-Sister-Dawg-
-k-the-produce-man-prowler-Dawg
-k-the-where's-my-morning-martini-Dawg-

~m-The-Wants-A-Velvet-Indigo-Studio-Dogg
~m-The-Distracted-By-Indecensies-Dogg
~m-The-CSS-Dominatrix-Dogg
~m-The-So-Excited-I-Need-To-Lay-Down-Dogg
~m-The-Shifty-Dogg

-k-the-about-to-pee-like-a-royal-racehorse-Dawg-
-k-the-gimme-a-big-fat-burrito-and-the-remote-Dawg-
-k-the-sneaky-envelope-stuffing-Dawg-
-k-the-hump-Dawg-
~m-The-Shouldn't-Quit-Her-Day-Job-Dogg

-K-the-I'll-fuck-up-everything-but-a-frog-Dawg-
-k-the-schizophrenic-nun-Dawg-
~m-The-*yawn*-Dogg
~m-The-Beaming-Sunshine-Under-Her-Bitchy-Exterior-Dogg
~m-The-Sending-Smoke-Signals-Dogg

-k-the-goats-jacked-my-chipperness-Dawg-
-k-the-just-got-busy-in-the-non-sexual-way-Dawg-
~m-The-Yes-Theres-A-Hell-Wanna-Come-Too-?-Dogg
~m-The-You-Get-What-You-Pay-For-Dogg
-k-the-Dawg-who-hates-small-pale-penises-

-k-the-scurry-Dawg-
-k-the-still-got-it-like-a-23-year-old-but-far-better-Dawg-
-k-the-I-think-I-just-mushed-in-my-pants-Dawg-
-k-the-send-me-a-hot-rich-tall-man-with-intellect-and-life-experience-Dawg-
-k-the-religious-verse-chanting-Dawg-

~m-The-Erotic-Ho-Dogg
~m-The-ACHOO-Dogg
-k-the-peeing-in-her-panties-with-excitement-Dawg-
-k-the-what-happened-I've-been-making-a-sandwich-for-the-past-10-minutes-Dawg-
-k-the-lets-just-bend-over-so-Bush-can-more-easily-fuck-us-up-the-ass-Dawg-

-k-the-dontcha-know-that-I'm-toxic-Dawg-
-k-the-wake-me-up-before-you-go-go-Dawg-
~m-The-Sick-As-A-Dogg
~m-The-Would-You-Like-Fries-With-That-Dogg
-k-the-ready-to-get-this-party-started-after-a-nice-sleep-Dawg-

~m-The-Fucking-Hungover-Dogg
~m-The-Misses-Her-Slutty-Sim-Dogg
~m-The-Only-One-Who-Eats-Pretzels-At-7:30-AM-Dogg
-k-the-give-my-best-friend-her-goddamn-admin-rights-Dawg-
-k-the-I-get-to-keep-learning-my-bitch-ass-lessons-in-life-Dawg-

~m-The-Kinda-Intoxicated-Enough-To-Buzz-Dogg
-k-the-thank-goddess-its-"Friday"-for-the-goddesses-Dawg
~m-The-What-Have-You-Done-With-My-Cheeto-Eating-Smoking-Sister-Dogg
-k-the-send-me-a-hot-rich-tall-man-with-intellect-and-life-experience-Dawg-
~m-The-Crying-Inside-A-Little-Big-Dogg

-k-the-piss-me-off-and-I-will-neuter-you-Dawg-
-k-the-bitches-better-appreciate-Dawg-
-k-the-kids-are-all-assholes-don't-ever-have-them-Dawg-
~m-The-Sniffling-Sneezing-Stuffy-Head-Fever-Wants-To-Rest-Dogg
~m-The-Too-Sick-To-Do-Anything-Real-Real-Stupid-*whew*-Dogg

Won't you "Be Mine"?

New skin for Valentine's Day. Er wait, I told you I'd stay away from pink - and look, I DID!

So here's the most non-pink Valentine's Day skin you'll ever see (click here to check out the non-pink goodness that is your 2005 Valentine's Day design).

How do I love thee?

You don't think I would have let that stupid non-pink design be the *only* Valentine's skin, did you?

Please. I thought you knew me better than that!

(But you know, go check out that design anyway cuz it's got some warm flava flave. Word.)

I brought back one of my favorites, modified a bit for such a special occassion. See the teeny tiny, cute little multi-colored baby hearts? They're just... SO CUTE! I'll switch out the hearts and put back the flowers as spring approaches.

*mwah*

I'm a cheap date - did everyone get that?

When my mom was pregnant with me she used to have uncontrollable urges to eat tons and tons of.... *gasp* oatmeal. Yup, oatmeal. My father must have been thanking his heavenly presidents it wasn't lobster and New York strip, right?

Anyway, a week ago I was craving - can you guess it? ... OATMEAL! So I drove to the store and found me some oatmeal. But then, like a flash of brilliant lightning, I saw it. Sitting right there next to the oatmeal. Teasing me. Taunting me. Calling my name.

It was the Cream of Wheat.

I mean really, what was I - 8? - the last time I had Cream of Wheat? God, where has it BEEN all of my life?!?! Oatmeal is soooooooo 1977 people; Cream of Wheat is the new turkey bacon. Especially when it's extra thick. Thick enough to make shapes out of. Shapes like pyramids and happy faces. Errrrr.. ummmm, I'm guessing. And served with fresh fruit and / or brown sugar on top. Mmmmm... I love me some porridge.

I bet the guys are LINING UP to take me out now. I'm like a .50 cent date with a bowl of Cream of Wheat and a banana. Cuz damn.

In other news, I'd like to thank Shea and me mum for the lint rollers. I now have THREE! YIPEE! I guess it really *does* pay to have a blog sometimes :). You guys are the greatest. *mwah*

There's a word for everything *umlaut*

One of the most interesting side effects to working at a health care organization is the change in my lexicon. Now that any and all words relating to psychology, industrial orgnizational psychology, and any and all references to the San Francisco dot-com boom are long gone... there's all kinds of space for new and exciting HEALTH CARE words. Aren't you excited to read the rest of this post? Bet yer knickers you are!

For example.

The word "assessment" to a psychologist means something FAR different to a doctor or patient.

Scenario 1: "Thank you for coming to this job interview. Here's a pencil and paper, please take the next hour to finish this assessment and we will get back to you after you promptly commence with the breath holding.".

Scenario 2: "I'd like to proceed with a full assessment today because these tests are looking mighty suspicious. That's it, turn your head and cough, mkay? Heh, I see you've done this before. *wink wink*"

Words like "factor, behavioral, competency, weightings, scales, adverse impact, and narratives" have been replace by words like "phlebotomy, bariatric, and triage".

Aren't you dying to know what phlebotomy is? I KNOW I WAS!!! (And before you go there, no. It doesn't have anythign to do with phlegm, cuz I know that's what you were thinking.)

It's the person who draws your blood! They have a whole word for that, and it's phlebotomist.

Dear Jonathan,

I have a new boyfriend now. He's a rich phlebotomist from Transylvania who's a COUNT! I would have written you sooner to tell you you're dumped, but the Count and I spend our evenings out so late that I usually end up sleeping RIGHT through the entire day. I'm a night person now. You're not.

Why don't you go get a life and then maybe we can have a chat. The day after NEVER.

Love,
Mina

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Like peas 'n carrots

Last weekend I made a few new CDs for Bella... and let me just tell you. Sometimes when you're getting real low on the music resources you'll pull songs out of your ass.

"Oooooooh! I know, some Old Dirty Bastard will sound great at the end of this Tom Jones CD!"

Er, wait...

I really did pull out some good ol' LL Cool J, a particularly provocative little number entitled "Doin' It", for giggles. I mean, I liked the song TEN YEARS AGO when it was popular, but let's face the facts - a car song now? Iiiiiiiii'm not so sure about that.

So I did what anyone in my pink shoes would have done. Rather than leave empty space on a CD I added it.

WELL OF COURSE I DID!

Officially, LL has been granted Driving Song of the Week™ privileges.

So I'm sharing the LL love tonight. For, you know, the next time you need to make a mix CD and need to fill a few spots. Plus, this George Michael / Mary J. Blige tune never really made it to the states and damn well should have. It's all good 'n stuff.

Right-click and save-as... or everyone gets Britney Spears / Front Line Assembly mix CDs for Christmas this year!!!

-- Alicia Keys - So Simple
-- George Michael - As
-- LL Cool J - Doin' It

This one had a mullet too - I have the pictures to prove it

Oh boy. My brother has gone and done it now.

He hurt himself opening a jar of pickles. Yup. Pickles.

And then he did the most macho thing he could think of - he told the world about it. And he even theorizes he might have broken something. Sounds like someone needs a hug. *squish*

Look dude, it's a good thing you're already married. Cuz damn.

But it got me to thinking... there was this one time I broke something. And that something happened to be my nose (can't even tell anymore, can ya?). You see, it was my freshman year in college and one day I wanted to make oatmeal in my hot pot. But d@mn1t, I didn't have any measuring cups to measure the oatmeal so I put on my jacket and marched my skinny little freshman bee-hind out the front doors only to get promptly tackled by some guys playing football.

Typical me, paying attention. WELL I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE OATMEAL, OKAY?!?!?!

The moral of the story: at least I didn't break it opening a jar of pickles.

Freak.

*I love you man*

In case of emergency, read slowly

I can't remember where I found this, but it's just a random meme for this evening. As usual, feel free to play along!

1. Your name spelled backwards.
Teragram

2. Where were your parents born?
Plymouth, Wisconsin

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Music by Madeleine Peyroux

4. What is your favorite restaurant?
No favorite's in the house of Margaret - but I greatly enjoy The Melting Pot and Big Bowl, to name a few

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
When I was in Calistoga, CA (wine country) almost 2 years ago, which is a crying shame cuz I *looooooooove* swimming (did you know you can open your eyes under salt-water and it doesn't even hurt?! <-- I learned that in Calistoga)

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yup - Door Number 3™ in the Holy Name 1st graders' rendition of the Three Little Pigs

7. How many kids do you want?
3 (but that's probably cuz I don't have any yet)

8. Type of music you dislike most?
All country music post 1960-ish

9. Are you registered to vote?
Yes

10. Do you have cable?
I don't *do* cable, 'kay?

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Yes, even drove one around a runway once

12. Ever prank call anybody?
Yes

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Yes, college is memorable for so many reasons

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Yes and yes ;)

15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
Let's see - farthest "place" east would make it either Crete or Helsinki

16. Do you have a garden?
Um, sorta?

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
(Welly, AVERT YOUR EYES FOR A MERE MOMENT)... I don't read comic strips

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Yes

19. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
The Notebook, because it's on the short list of movies that can make me weep EVERY. TIME.

20. Favorite pizza topping?
cheese

21. Chips or popcorn?
teh p0pz0r

22. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
shimmery, natural bronze

23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
I've smoked a lot of things, and peanut shells is not on that list

24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
No

25. Orange Juice or apple?
Apple juice

26. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
Steve - we went to Big Bowl yesterday (my sincerest apologies for making you get the ultimate appetizer combo, main entre, AND decadent chocolate brownie dessert)

27. Favorite type chocolate bar?
I'unno, chocolate isn't so much my thing - I guess I like Baby Ruth

28. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
November

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
1987-ish - I despise the taste of raw tomato unless it's being masked by something a little more flavorful... like bacon

30. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yup - all kinds of dancing trophies when I used to compete

31. Are you a good cook?
I'm not a gourmet chef, but I know how to boil water

32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Last time I checked, it's not 1940 anymore

33. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
No

34. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes, when I had a summer job picking up doggy doo doo

36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
I don't shop at pharmacy's

37. Ever throw up in public?
No

38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
True love

39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No

40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
No

41. Can exes be friends?
Yes

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Ummmm... I have no idea. I was in a hospital last week getting ready for a photo shoot though. Does that count?

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
The normal, fair, blonde amount

44. What message is on your answering machine?
"Hi this is Margaret, sorry I can't take your call right now but please leave your name and number and I'll give you a call back"

45. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Mr. No Depth Perception. Frankly, it's because I can relate all too well to his impediment.

46. What was the name of your first pet?
Elizabeth

47. What is in your purse?
My little black book (I know, how very 1980's, right?), lipstick, keycard for my apartment building, keys, my mini iPod, a leather pouch holding my favorite writing utensils, wallet, coin purse, checkbook, and on the days I'm going to work I bring a bag with me also holding a book of poetry (in case of emergency, you know)

48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
acupuncture

49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
Getting to talk to someone I care about very much

Vacation season in 5... 4... 3... deux...

Everyone I work with is taking vacations. Cabo San this, Puerto that... and frankly, I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE TOO! Last year, I ended up using a week to move, relax, and get my new house in order.

Yeah, that shit is so NOT happening again this year.

So after a few weeks of careful consideration and lots of option weighings, today I booked a ticket to...

Isn't it lovely? Everyone know where I'm going????!!!! (This is the part where he hits me over the head with a blunt object so he can use the plane ticket for himself and NEVER COME BACK!). Bloody Americans.

This officially proves one thing: I'm old

Tonight I was at Marshall Field's shopping... did you know that they already have out their PROM DRESSES?!?! Ummmm, yeah. If my calculations are correct prom should be OVER 2 months away. Yet, the place was crawling with pushy teens, pushover moms, digital cameras, and bad taste.

The most interesting part of my excursion was the bit I overheard in the dressing room. If only teenage boys everywhere could have a digital recording of the going's on of women's dressing rooms. Little do they know the fate of their entire high school existence lies in the hands of teenage girls.

"Oh my gawd, Dawn. You are SO gonna go with Dave. We'll get Carlo to ask either Tracy or Sheila, and then there's Thomas. Oh. My. God. He is SOOOOOOO adorable!!! Kaitlin, isn't he the CUTEST THING EVER?!?! You are SOOOOO gonna go with him - and even though we're sophmores it totally doesn't matter. He *has* to ask you! Tanya or Katie will go with his best friend Shawn, and then there's me and Nate. Or Nick. I can't decide who should ask me. What do you guys think? Who should I get to ask me?"

Sorry guys. Looks like women really do rule the world. You only *THINK* you're making important decisions like who might put out on prom night, but it turns out we're the ones secretly plotting the course of everything in the dressing rooms of suburban malls.

Every. Thing.

Poor things. Group hug, come on - let's have a group hug *squish*.

Man, a lot has changed in 10 years.

l33t h4xx0r th34tre

Apparently I took for granted that not everyone is down with the l33t speak lingo. Since all the people that I know who need to be educated are pretty much parents, I figured the link to the Parent's Primer to Computers would be a good spot for you to start. *cough old farts cough*

Once you've got that down, I invite you in for an interpretive rendition of a compelling scene from that memorable flick, Pirates of the Carribean, a la l33t. Go check out the full version if you get a chance. Too. Funny.

And on the #86,901,235,798th day I got a rack

Monday was remarkable, if for no other reason, than this now documented miracle: I went to the store, tried on a dress, and couldn't zip up the top because my chest was too big.

Too. Big.

This must be a first. It was also a first time that I did a little dance in the dressing room. WOO HOO!!!

♫ Iiiiii have a big raaaaaaa-aaaaack ♫ la la la la laaaaa laaa ♫

I'll take "The Rapists" for $200, Alex

You know how sometimes you read something and it strikes you as laugh out loud funny for no particular reason?

I saw this headline on fark.com today and nearly fell off my chair. I'unno, brings back such great memories of that SNL skit.

Good times. Good times.

Subliminally fine

Only because she is my favorite my best friend and sister who knows I won't say no to her, I've brought back per her special request bossy comment the beauty looks like every other eff'ing skin to me that is was this skin I should be doing my laundry instead:

You see how easy that was careful, cuz I WILL bite? All you have to do is ask mention off-handedly and I'll politely bite your head off respond with a smile unlatch my jaw and swallow you whole. Anything not really for my only readers.

*kiss kiss*

Sweet the sting

Shhhhh, don't bother me. I'm busy listening to and reading this:

If you didn't already know, I'm inaccessible when it's Tori time. And this week she had a new CD come out with a new book.

I'll be in my bed reading in my orange knickers if you need me. But, um, don't expect me to pick up the phone if you call because headphones will be afoot.

*scampers off to find orange knickers*

Friday's Feast

1. Appetizer - Name something that makes you scream.
My mum read this blog, we won't go there. Kidding. KIDDING! (sort of) Actually, my response for $400 Alex is snakes. There are lots of other icky, nasty bug monsters on this planet but I will gladly snuggle with any of them so long as a snake isn't within 1 mile of me.

2. Soup - Who is a musician you enjoy listening to when you want to relax?
As I'm sure most of you know this answer changes daily. This week it was Massive Attack's 100th Window album. And of course, Tori Amos's Beekeeper album. Dear Tori, Marys of the Sea gets me all choked up. Seriously, that song is brilliant. Love, Margaret.

3. Salad - What was the last book you purchased?
Well duh. It was Piece by Piece by Tori Amos.

4. Main Course - If you could live one day as any historical figure, who would it be, and what would you do?
Tough question! It would certainly be a feminine figure... perhaps someone going back to ancient, ancient Egypt that I'm sure I don't know the name of. But an ancient Egyptian queen of some sort? I would just like a window in to the time that was then and all the infinite mysteries of the then and now.

5. Dessert - Tell about a time when you were lost. Where did you end up? How long did it take you to get back to where you were going?
Last weekend. It's a thing I regularly do (once a week or so), where I go out driving around and have a general destination but take roads I've never used before to get there. I always get lost and always find my way around somehow, but if you haven't heard the Minneapolis metro area is pretty big so it's fun finding hidden treasures like lake roads, parks, and cool little shops hidden out of sight. Additionally, I put on music I *really, really* love when I do it so I don't panic. It's a very relaxing thing for me to do this - I think I learned this behavior from my dad. He used to drive the family around, for no particular reason (well, maybe it was to shut up me and my brother), as a Sunday afternoon activity.

Tsunami victims

This is both awe-striking and heartbreaking. CNN posted pictures taken from the cell-phone of 2 tourists visiting Thailand when the tsunami struck. Apparently they died, but their phone was later recovered and these pictures were extracted off the memory chip. So heartbreaking.

Tsunami photos recovered

Prakope - Version 42

This weekend, I gave my friend Steve a facelift on his website. New design, new features - all kinds of stuff, including a photoblog section. I deserve Big Bowl for that shiznit. Orrrrrrrr a couple big fatty martinis. You know, whichever. Plus, he also switched webhosts which turned out pretty well too.

Go say hi, won't you? And don't blame me that the bottom of the page is fucked up - now that he has a contact form you can go tell him to FIX HIS STUPID IMAGE PROBLEM HIMSELF. Seriously dood, you're making me look bad. Stop that. Please.

Trigger fingers

You know what I hate about gmail?

I hate that you can sit there firing off RELOAD RELOAD RELOAD RELOAD RELOADS... hoping and praying that the little "Inbox" will turn to an "Inbox (1)".

Oh please baby jesus, make it turn in to a (1)!!!!!!

Fucker.

Shock of terror

So as long as we're on the random thoughts for today... here's another one for ya.

You know in the movie Office Space, how Peter *HATES* touching the door handle cuz he always get a shock from it? A VISIBLE shock of terror and hellfire?!!!

Yup, that happens to me every day. I've mastered a little dance I do where I touch stuff with my elbows, knees, wrists... pretty much anything I can manager before I actually touch it with my hands (sometimes covered with a sweater or anything I can get my hands on). Cuz I *HATE* getting shocks. This routine is getting real old. Seriously.

Ok, I'm done. But seriously, does anyone else have this problem besides me?!!!

Pimpzilla

Awwwwwwwwwww, yeah. With more people doing Firefox out there every second (huh huh, you're like all *doing it* 'n stuff)... it's time for cool themes like... *dun dun dunnnnnnnn*...

Pimpzilla.

Must. Install. Now.