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So long, and thanks for all the fish

Dear world,

Thanks for a wonderful 2004 and an extraordinarily fun New Year's celebration.

Now, can please stop doing that spinning thing you're doing. And I would really appreciate it if you would just turn the volume down a wee notch.

Ever your thankful girl,
Margaret

Deep thoughts only 2 days in to 2005

Pictures. I have a few, but only a few, pictures from my extraordinarily wonderful New Year's celebration. And honestly, if Shea and Lewis get any cuter I'm going to have to give them each black eyes JUST to give them a reason to be a little less cute! They're just the sweetest thing ever. You will notice in the pictures my patchwork miniskirt (which I am still amazed I can fit in to), a guy in a peach shirt (which he pulled off with as much coolness as I've ever seen), the shocking absence of alcohol (mostly because we were too busy ingesting said alcohol as quickly as possible thereby destroying all evidence), and proof positive I have a wandering eye. Enjoy.

I have a question for all the men in the audience today. (Incidentally, Dooce was speaking about the cousin of today's topic just recently... this is important stuff!)

So. When women are speaking on the phone for an extended period of time, inevitably there comes a point when one or both parties of the conversation must relieve themselves.

So we do.

I mean, I go to the bathroom *WITH* my girlfriends all the time when we're out, so what's the big deal about doing it while you're on the phone? But as I heard the familiar echo of my friend's voice in her bathroom the other evening, I began to wonder...

What do men do when they're on the phone and need to relieve themselves?

Really. I've been thinking this one through and have questions. QUESTIONS! First there's the obvious question - Do men ever really spend extended amounts of time on the phone with their friends? Because assuming this point to be false, I'm already finished with today's entry. Assuming this point to be true, I then have to ask: What in the WORLD do guys talk about?! Football? Hot chicks? Beer? Soaps? I mean really, how long can 2 guys shoot the shit about fantasy football before Dude-1 says to Dude-2...

"Dood. I gotta take a leak."

"Totally."

"Later."

I digress - my apologies. Instead of going on and on and on about all the related questions swimming about my head I'm going to open it up for discussion. Please, enlighten me.

In related news -- filed under the category of "WHAT THE FUCK?!" -- how is it possible for a man to answer the phone and have a 90 minute, intimate conversation about relationships and love with someone they don't even know? Or rather, someone they actually know but misunderstood as someone they didn't know because they were likely still drunk from a few hours earlier? I swear to god, people will NEVER, EVER, EVER cease to amaze me. I just... I mean... I can't even fathom why at any point in the conversation the thoughts, "It's none of your business, Who the fuck are you, and how did you get this number?" would never creep in to the thick-headed skull of a man. Seriously.

Filed under, "Things that make you go Hmmmm"

Taken from this article, snippets from 100 Things We Didn't Know This Time Last Year.

Back to #63... that percentage (of pub lunching, natches) was MUCH, MUCH higher where I worked. Do people really have that much sex during their lunch breaks?! Cuz damn.

Let's share. A lot.

Some music for the affecionados in the house - get 'em while you can. I swear I don't know where all this goodness is coming from! Three songs that really move me (right-click and save as, peeps):

Tune 1: Zero 7 - This World
Tune 2: Frou Frou - Let Go
Tune 3: Satellite - Hard Hit

Today I had a tuberculosis test... and me having a TB test is like me trying to quit smoking. Not like I've ever tried to quit smoking, but listening to this one complain about how horrible it is, is in many ways similar to me trying desperately NOT to look at the ickiness hiding under the cotton ball and hospital tape.

Four pronged, icky, pussy, swollen, red YUCKINESS is waiting to bite my head off, I just know it.

I think my hand is tingling.

Perks bubbleth fortheth

It turns out that when you remove the cotton ball and hospital tape from your arm, to find that there's no bumps, no puss, no redness, no swelling, not much of *anything* to be precise... that you do NOT have tuberculosis!

w00t! Guess that means I still have a job.

Well *gasp* I'm not working downtown anymore. There's a few topics that are generally off limits for me on this blog, work being one of them (it is up to you to figure out the rest).

Generally off limits, I said.

Perk #1 of the new job: no one is driving OUT of downtown in the mornings. For that matter, no one is driving IN to downtown in the evenings. Smooth sailing baby. I make it to work in 15 minutes flat.

Perk #2 of the new job: fast food no longer sticks its sharp, greasy, horribly unhealthy fangs in to my appetite every waking moment. I think I might've already lost 5 lbs. from the state of sheer SHOCK my body is currently (AT THIS VERY MOMENT) experiencing. Healthy baby. Soooo healthy. I now have a reason to use my tupperware, a phrase I had not hoped to hear from my lips until way-hay-hay in the future when I have kids. This is another good reason to utter those words though.

Perk #3 of the new job: downtown is no longer a point of "work", thus making it my place of PLAY! That's all. Just. Play. Last night I purchased a few of my faaaaaavorite graphic design magazines, wandered to a few of my favorite shops where everyone knew my name, and then went to a restaurant where I had my favorite hot tea and read said magazines. Wow. I am one lucky bizzatch.

Perk #4 of the new job: my computer is KICK ASS! Other than the fact they've removed all admin rights from the damn thing, it seems like it would be pretty powerful. Eff'ing network admins. Well, they haven't met *me* yet. How does that old saying go again???? "What Margaret wants..."

Perk #5 of the new job: driving to work gives me a reason to shop for a new car. The olds has been so wonderful to me, however, its time is nearing the end. Unperk #5 is having to deal with the god damned, horrible, blood-sucking a-holes that are car salesman. How *do* they sleep at night? Really?

I miss my friends though. Booooo. I wish I could at least meet them for regular lunches or something! Oooooh, did I mention to you guys that I'll be working near Mojito.

Traveling rancheros baby.

Traveling.

Rancheros.

Anyone feel like putting on 5 lbs?

Goddessing all over the place

I was feelin' the need to change up the palette up in this bizzatch... so I did. Go check out the latest pink and blue goodness, k? Kay.

HER: Dood, you'll never guess who one of our new client's is.
ME: uhhhhhhhhh....
ME: I have no idea.

...

HER: Ok seriously, you'll never guess. Sooooooo...
HER: Let me give you a hint... sings *the heart of rock and roll... heart of rock and roll is still beating*
ME: I'm drawing a blank here. Jefferson Starship?
HER: NOOO! Ugh... try again.
ME: Ummmm... hums to self ... uhhhh, errrrr... Michael Bolton?
HER: NOOO! Fuck! Try again.
ME: Seriously. I'm drawing a blank.
HER: Let me give you another hint...
ME: Bring it.
HER: This guy has the same name as a character from Duck Tales.
ME: IT'S HUEY LEWIS!!!!

Duck Tales people, eff'ing Duck Tales.

Friday Feast

1. Appetizer - Have you been sick yet this winter? If so, what did you come down with?

Surprsingly, I WAS (an extreme rarity in this house)! Nothing specific, just sore throat, couldn't sleep, stuffed up, miserable goodness. I mean horribleness. Seeing as how I now work in health care, I've already been forewarned I will likely be extremely sick at least 3 times in my first 3 months of employment. We shall see, won't we. Mwah ha ha ha.

2. Soup - What colors dominate your closet?

I'm all mixed up, but you *will* find lots of pink, red, and black. Interestingly enough yesterday I realized the only light blue I own is a particularly cute undergarment in the color of "baby blue". Good gift idea, any of you paying attention. Light. Blue. Anything.

3. Salad - How would you describe your personal "comfort zone"?

Velkom to my hooooooome. No really, if you see my house you'll instantly know.

4. Main Course - On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant?

Ha. I don't even KNOW which reality shows are out there, what with no television in the house of Andrews. However, I'm going to have to say The Real World, because I'd be the old, cynical, bitchy one with websites being made about all the contradicting things flying out of my mouth every 2 seconds. Yeah. That'd be pretty funny.

5. Dessert - Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite?

Christmas, just because it's the only time of year I'm guaranteed to see the fam.

Break-up guidelines

Sadly, all of this makes far too much sense. Found here, it's the Top 11 Geek Break-Up Lines. I pity the fool who has to date me.

Searching for the perfect car. For me.

It turns out my super-genius plan to get a Mini has temporarily stalled, mainly due to the Immoralites that are car-salespeople. Don't they know that MARGARET ALWAYS GETS WHAT SHE WANTS?! After a talk with one of my favorite people downtown, the guy who always takes care of me at The Newsroom, he's got me excited near to the point of doing cartwheels -- right here, right now -- to do this car shopping thing again. Seriously Kris, GO BE A CAR SALESMAN ALREADY! Or better yet, just come with me so I'll have someone to push these amoebic lifeforms around with. *poke*

Things that are important to me in a new car:

I'm using this reinstatement of joy as an opportunity to check out another car on my short list... The 2005 Ford Mustang.

Awwwwwwww yeah.

Has everyone seen this car? Mmmmmm - über-bass, super-power, beautiful, shiny thing meeting every single item on my list. Test driving this beoooot outta be real, real special.

I'm the sister of a former car salesman, so don't mess with me

3.

That is the number of scum-sucking, bottom dwelling a-hole car salesman who tried to maneuver me this evening. Excuse me, but not even *potential* boyfriends get to maneuver me like that so do NOT even go there. Word.

I test drove the 2005 Mustang tonight. In a snowstorm people. I mean, HELLO?! It *is* Minnesota and I would definitely need to know how the car performs in wretched weather... am I right?! Right.

But the part where the car salesman tells me he just had a heart attack, and then proceedes to explain to me what ABS brakes are by visually pumping his hands together cuz he couldn't think of the words didn't do much for the car "sales" part.

I know what ABS brakes are, you scum sucking, bottom dwelling a-hole. I'm not a martian. I'm looking at a very expensive car and I am QUITE knowledgable about the features of said, expensive car. Freaks.

And can you believe they didn't even give me a brochure? They "didn't have any". Instead, they gave me printouts from that there web internet thingy.

To each and every woman, be thankful you have a boyfriend / husband to get you through this whole car sales thing. Cuz walking in to a dealership is a hot, 27-year old, successful woman might as well be the equivalent of walking around with huge, **blinking arrows** hovering about me aura. Thank goodness I have *squish* my dad *squish*. He's so good to me.

And yes, it was KICK ASS to drive. Ohhhhhhh yeah.... vroom vroom!

I have dimples. 2 of them.

I'm dimpled.

Is this news to all of you? Because yes, I have dimples in my cheeks and NO ONE seems to notice.

No no, sickos. Not THOSE cheeks. The other ones.

But isn't that strange? I've only ever had one person in my entire life actually notice I have dimples - which, by the way, I didn't even develop until I reached my early 20's - and that happened 2 weeks ago.

That person was dimpled.

Do I get to be part of some secret society now that someone has noticed I have huge, oblique dimples? Huge. HUGE! When do I get my award? And why didn't I have them when I was younger? I didn't even realize one could grow in to their dimples. Does this mean I have a fat face?

Questions people, QUESTIONS! Important questions...

Friday's Feast

1. Appetizer - If you could have a free subscription to any online service, which would you like to have?

This is a toughie! But after careful, 10 second consideration I'll let you in on my knee-jerk reaction: iTunes baby.

i. Tunes. Ohhhhhh yeaaaahhhhh.

2. Soup - Describe your bathroom (furnishings, colors, etc.).

One described by the famous writer S. Prakope as the "smallest bathroom in the history of small bathrooms". Yes people, it's the Fear Factor of small bathrooms. Delightfully white, Margaret's bathroom sports smelly showergel stuff, toilet paper, tissues, and a medicine cabinet. All the rage in the hustling, bustling metropolitan corners of Western Europe.

3. Salad - What does the shape of a triangle make you think of?

Uhhhh, a triangle. Seriously, you'd think a designer would have a better answer for this question involving the mysteries of life, the universe, and everything... but all I see is a 2-D, black equilateral triangel on white paper in my head. I suck.

4. Main Course - Name 3 things or activities that you consider to be luxuries.

Driving a nice, new car just to your liking.
Living and being alone (read just the way you want to).
Wearing a teeny tiny white, cotton men's tank top with pink, cotton pajama bottoms that have little rainbows on them after taking a shower and applying liberal amounts of Victoria's Secret body lotion.

5. Dessert - What was the last really great movie you watched?

Ok, I know it's not a movie but it's out on DVD and is just as long as a movie. And in a lot of ways is *just* like a movie.

It's the final 2 episodes - EVER - of Sex and the City. We're talking goose bumps, tears, laughing, and the only time I'm actually conscious of being a huge sappy pants. *sniff* You GO girls!

Alternatively, I choose Garden State and Shaun of the Dead as my runners uppers. And before you ask, yes, Garden State made me all sappy panted too (not so much Shaun of the Dead, shockingly...).

Ummmmm

*tap tap*

Is this thing on?

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

This tastes funny

According to a recent Andrews poll, it has been determined that 25% of the women in my office are pregnant.

TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT! P.R.E.G.G.E.R.S.

Recent studies lead me to believe the water is poor, and I've officially boycotted all liquids from said workspace.

Cuz damn.

It's my thing. Let it go.

Everyone has their "thing's", right?

I was watching this episode of Sex and the City last night where Miranda gets the latest issue of her "Tattle Tale" magazine - and when pushed by her husband for reading "such crap" she responds, "It's my thing, let it go."

So I got to thinking about some of my thing's.

Thing #1) I enjoy a nice glass of cold, sparkling water. Often. Which means that at any moment in time I may have up to 3 glasses of water (half-full, no less) stationed around the apartment, whose sole purpose in life it is to fill me with a chilly, fresh, satisfied sensation of nourishment. Ex-boyfriends may argue that last point and interject, saying that their sole purpose was to PISS THEM OFF REAL, REAL BAD. Not the case, my friends. Not. The. Case. If I'm going to piss off a boyfriend I have pleeeennnnnty of other tricks up my sleeve, believe me. (Ever see the movie Signs? What happened cuz of the glasses of water in that one, huh? HUH?!!! Yeah, thought so.)

Thing #2) If you're in my life, she probably knows everything about you. Nothing is sacred with that one - an untapped, lucrative TV series in the making is what we are. You think Sex and the City covered it all? Nah ah people. Not. Even. Close. I think Big had it all right when in the final episode he told Carrie's friends, "YOU all are the *real* loves of her life. Any guy is just lucky to come in second." Word.

Thing #3) I often turn up the music in my house real, real loud. And then shower. Or dance around in my underwear. Or jump on my bed. Or hop around in circles until I'm so dizzy I fall over. Furthermore, it may often be Britney Spears doing the playing in my speakers *gasp*.

Thing #4) No one touches my personal computer. Ever.

Thing #5) I have this thing about the temperature of the water in the shower. Like Goldilocks, if you will - not scorching, not chilly. But more like a glorified tepid.

Thing #6) I very rarely finish every bite of food on my plate. And WHOA does this drive some people nuts. It's not intentional - it's just fact. When I'm full I'm full, and I'M VERY SORRY IF I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT AMOUNT WOULD BE WHEN I TOOK A SERVING.

Thing #7) I won't drink beer. Ever. Why you ask? Because it's right up there with green olives - PTOOEY!!!!

Thing #8) My magazine of guilt is InStyle. And How. And Communication Arts.

Thing #9) This last one has caused lots of controversy over the year - mucho, mucho controversy. I enjoy buying music and, when appropriate, DVDs. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. iTunes and all that. However, the extreme pleasure my senses - all my senses - get when they take in and enjoy the artwork, the smell, and the sound of the CD is immeasurable. I guess you could say I like to "own" the music. Over. And over. And over. And over. And over and over and over and over and over. I would parallel my obsession with music to Carrie's obsession with shoes.

And coming in as an honorable mention) There's the fact that *bright, shiny things* often distract me. Like while I was writing this entry, I got distracted by this advertisement on dictionary.com:

Seriously, go play it (refresh refresh refresh). It'll keep you occupied for a whole 90 seconds!

Who wants pink in their next design? Anyone?

Sunday morning skin, which is actually kinda a revived skin that no one ever saw. Well, except her. I think her words were... "Veeeeeeeeeery Victoria's Secret dahhhhhhrling."

Whoala.

I just realized that 3 out of 4 skins posted right now are pink/purple. Sorry Steve. Something dark and dreary next I suppose. In the meantime, appreciate that which is pink. And cleavage too.

Scoot!

Unconscious Mutterings

This is a new one for me, but a throwback to college - it's WORD ASSOCIATION! Are you excited? Are you pumped? ISN'T THIS FUN?!!!!!! Feel free to play along.

1. Yoda :: Bomb (get it? ha ha ha)
2. Mensa :: ego
3. Pink :: my new skin *gushes*
4. Text message :: So very 2003
5. Galactic :: Beastie Boys, as in "Inter-"
6. Chicks :: *cheep cheep* Yellow furballs
7. Quesadilla :: crispy cheese
8. Backpack :: ... through europe
9. Socket :: waiting to get, um, plugged; alternatively, it rhymes with "locket"
10. Compromise :: internal, balancing act

I love you too, man *squish*

You know it's going to be a good day when you receive the following email from your brother at 7am:

*awwwwwwwww shucks*

Big pimpin'

It's all about the big pimpin' tonight. My brother has been begging me for a new skin for his blog for AGES. And AGES. And ages and ages and ages.

So why haven't I done it yet?

BECAUSE HE CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND!!! Plus I'm the little sister and it's my job to irritate him as much as humanly possible. Heh. Plus, asking him to make such an important decision is all hard 'n stuff. But tonight was the night he got a *bright, shiny, squishy* new skin. And I'm telling ya people, I deserve a photoshop award for this one. Not to mention the "humility award" to go right along with it.

Cuz damn.

He asked for a Big Fish skin. You know, as in the movie. If you take a look at his blog, you'll see he gushes over it all the time. Over. And over. And over. So if for no other reason than to SHUT HIM UP I finally gave him a Big Fish skin.

Go show him some love, mkay? Thanks.

What the... ?

I thought the "dalt of the day" award might go to my dad when he accidentally deleted his ENTIRE blog!

But, to his credit he didn't really know what he was doing. And to his luck, I was able to successfully retrieve everything CUZ I ROCK IN TOO MANY WAYS TO QUANTIFY.

And to his even bigger luck, somebody out-dalted him.

That would be Steve.

Yup, good ol' Steve. I was all excited to walk downtown tonight and meet my buddies Steve, Joe, Joe's wife Elly, and their puppy piz0r at Brit's for a showing of the movie Shaun of the Dead. I walked in the falling snow, smiled and giggled to myself, and mostly thought of all the ways in which my life is so wonderful and blessed.

Then I got to Brit's. And then we found out that Shaun of the Dead plays NEXT week. To clarify... Steve. Remembered. Wrong. "La la la, OOOH! Bright shiny things!"

We mostly drowned our sorrows in alcohol, sausage rolls, and fish and chips - which made everything MUCH, much nicer.

So my dad - honest mistake (though I did take away his admin priviledges to his own blog for future reference...). But Steve - dood, lighten up the crack!

Or give me some. You choose.

SOS!

Oh dear, sweet, heavenly baby Jesus...

I turned on my MP3 player a few minutes ago after the battery went dead... the splash screen came up... and that's where I still am.

Splash screen.

I've tried pushing that well-hidden "reset" button - NOTHING! What will I *DO* if the thing is hosed?! How will I live?! HOW WILL I MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY WITHOUT MUSIC?!

Someone... anyone... send help! PLEEEASSE!

New member of the family

I'd like to thank the academy and all my fans for all their support through my time of turmoil.

After much deliberation I decided to resolve my little MP3 player problem. Welcome Ella to the family:

Isn't she the most beautiful thing in the world? She's teeny tiny, itty bitty, shiny and gorgeous... and I think I must be the proudest mum ever.

Speaking of proud mum's... uhhhhhhh, so I started to get concerned about Ella's safety and well-being as I gathered her things and prepared to take her home with me. Being the overprotective mum I am, I decided to get her a pretty, pink, protective coat. Behold, pretty, pink, protective coat:

Steve will think I'm a dork for that last bit, but I'm N.O.T. the one with an iBook, a Powerbook and a Mini Mac. AND I'M THE DESIGNER HERE!

Everyone say, "Welcome to the family, Ella!" *gushes*

I got to ditch work early today

Snow is cool.

Unless you took your car to the car wash 2 nights ago, whereby Mr. Car Wash (yes, really) shoved all kinds of water up 'n in your electrical system.

And *OF COURSE* it wouldn't have occurred to you that it's only 2 degrees, meaning said water froze all up 'n in your, um, eletrical junk.

Which *OF COURSE* means that right after the water gone and done its business fucking up your shit and froze said fucked-upedness in to a permanent state of fucked-uppery until the spring thaw, your ABS brake light is permanently on, your turn signals are rendered complete shite, and your doors freeze shut meaning you're 10 minutes late for work the next day because it mostly looked like you were trying to break in to your own car by throwing your body weight against the doors. I must have looked like a high-heeled, floppy walleye throwing itself around. *flip flop*

But damn it's cool when you get to leave work early because everything in Minneapolis is a complete white-out and declared a snow emergency.

On the other hand, not so cool when a 15 minute drive takes an hour. I know women are generally labeled as "bad drivers"... but take one of those "bad driving" women, stick them in anything bigger than a mini-van, and you might as well kiss your ass good-bye. Those bitches are KEE-RAZY!

On the bright side, today is the day I count my blessing's I'm not buying the Mini Cooper, cuz damn. Who am I kidding? That car is still wiggedy-wiggedy-wiggedy-whack (would you believe that I'm listening to Kris Kross right now?). However, I believe we've chatted about the scum-suckery that is car salesmen before and the dirty bastards wouldn't cut me a deal.

So I went elsewhere and got one. And a DAMN nice one at that.

Tomorrow I'll sign the paperwork.

If this snow stops.

If.

And right after I get my hair done, cuz a girl's got priorities.

PS, it should be noted that when I test drove the car I'm buying, I got in to the freezing cold car after scum-sucking car salesman turned it on, and I immediately turned off his seat heater. Well, he's still a car salesman. And he still deserved it. I also did something else real, real bad but I'm not at liberty to disclose that little gem. Another story for another time. *wink*

The beauty in accord

Behold, the nameless wonder. I picked him, or her?, up this morning after signing away my firstborn. Isn't he (or she) the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

I think my androgynous beauty needs a name. Please, help? I'm all lovin' mythological references 'n stuff so show 'em if you got 'em.

Lock me up if I spend one more penny

After I bought my car Saturday, I was looking for ANY excuse to drive it around.

So I IM'd Steve and said, "Let's go to Ikea. I'll pick you up in a few minutes."

His response? "Ummm, ok?" He knows better than to argue with me. Bless him.

Neither one of us had anything to shop for, but it was the farthest store from my house downtown I could think of. Plus, I get infinite amounts of delight walking around the store imagining I had thought of Ikea first.

Neither one of us had anything to shop for in particular, but when we got to the curtain section the guilt blindsided me. Six months in my new apartment and STILL no curtains. Shame on me. So I picked out some interesting wire contraptions to hang them on, and then some lovely "canvas-y" looking curtains in different shades for my bedroom and living room.

Of course the brilliance that is Ikea is coming home, opening up the packaging, and reading the insert to THEN find out the screws aren't included. AND that a wire cutter is required. Apparently the Swede that thought THAT bit of packaging up was drunk at the time. 'Scuse me, but I'm a 27 year old single female. Sooooooo... do I LOOK like I keep spare screws in random shapes and sizes sitting around next to my martini glasses?

Yeah, thought so.

So I hopped in my car at 9:30 Saturday evening and drove to the farthest Target from my house I could think of. OF COURSE I did! Came home, hung the curtains, and slept until a whole 9:00 Sunday morning because it was so dark in my bedroom. NINE O'CLOCK! It's a miracle, truly.

Apparently Steve hung his curtains too. Yup, Steve bought and hung curtains on Saturday after ironing them. I.r.o.n.i.n.g them. On Saturday. Evening. Ironing curtains. And hanging them. Don't believe a word he says, his days are jam packed with all kinds of curtain-shopping adventures! He kills me.

In other news, Joe won the car-naming contest with... Bella (goes well with Ella, don't you think?). For his trouble, he will get to watch Shaun of the Dead with me tomorrow evening at Brit's. Is he not the luckiest person EVERRRR?!

She's like buttttt-aaaahhh

Hmmmm... if I have even one more sip of alcohol tonight *I* am going to be the one walking around asking, "Can I get.... any of you CUNTS... a drink?"

Shaun of the Dead people. It's even funnier when you get to watch it with your bestest friends over sausage rolls, scotch eggs, and tall absolute cape cod's at Brit's.

I'd type more, but I have to go jam out to the second album I've ever bought now. *does running man*

There's a blog for everything

For all the people who are working too hard today, it's time to check out the Dogblog.

Makes me want to have a dog. For about a microsecond.

In like Flynn

My perfect night...

Driving my new car over for sushi, warm sake, rich chocolate dessert. And then coming home to this.

Ohhhhhhhhh yeah. It'll have a nice, cozy spot right next to Mean Girls, Clueless, and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

w00t!

Old coots

Hole. E. Shit. Someone's gonna get sued, from as far as I can tell. Cuz damn.

Go Go Gadget Superpowers!

The night before last I had the most peculiar dream. I mean really, this one takes the cake.

Right. So I dreamt I was away at a summer camp with a counselor of YUMMY proportions. I mean really, he was spectacular in a way that's obviously fit only for my dreams. Anyway, it was during an afternoon event of Ring-Around-The-Rosie that I realized I had special powers! SUPERHERO powers! Thankfully my "counselor" was trained in the area (huh huh, he was trained in my "area") of superhero powers and knew EXACTLY how to cultivate them. Didn't even phase him. Let me just take a moment to point out how much I *adore* a man who can just take control like that.

At this point it was still a mystery to me what the powers were, I just knew I had them and he just knew he was in to my area.

So the next day he and I traveled in to town to do a bit of shopping. It was while we were at a small shop that my powers came to fruition. I was browsing the jewelery section, being my normal, picky self, when I spotted a bracelet I actually liked!!!! (Ask Steve, I'm really that picky when jewelery shopping...). It was at this moment when I went to take the bracelet off the hook that some HORRIBLE, horrible man came up next to me and took it before I could!

I KNOW, right?!

Then he stuffed it in his pocket and winked at me. Not ONLY was the motherfucker taking the one bracelet I actually liked, but he was also stealing it! I was stunned!

Oooooh, but then I saw another one I liked! *twinkle twinkle* So I went to grab that one, but HE TOOK IT BEFORE I COULD. AGAIN!!!! It was the third time this happened when I did the only thing I could think of.

I started screaming as loud as possible, much like a petulent child, and initiated the mysterious and elusive superpowers.

I levitated him with my ovaries.

It was kind of like a Go-Go-Gadget-Ovaries moment when I hunkered down and levitated his ass off. Don't forget that I was also screaming at the top of my lungs, because that was very important too.

What? I was all getting people's attention 'n stuff.

It was a little later, while I was admiring my new bracelets and waiting for the cops to take him away, that he came up to me fully cuffed and started hitting on me. HITTING ON ME! I know, I know. Seems like I always attract the wrong type. So what did I do? I levitated him. With my ovaries. Again.

That'll teach the wrong guy to hit on me is all I'm sayin'.

Don't panic

Dare I say that it looks like I'll be spending Valentine's Day with the same person I spend it with every year?

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!111oneoneone*

Aaaaaaannnnnnd, cuz I'm getting excited about the whole possibility of spending Valentine's Day, aka Le Blessed Event, Part Deux, with my other half generosity doth floweth. Overeth. A few good tunes all comin' at ya this evening. No really, these tunes KICK ass. Bonus points to the person (people) who can tell me which movies the Coldplay and Ali Toure tunes made guest appearances in....

Right click and save-as beyotches, or you'll find her size 11 somewhere you won't want to find it.

Coldplay - Don't Panic
Ani Difranco - Manhole
Ali Farka Toure - Ai Du

And cuz I'm waiting for my clothes to finish up in the dryer, you get word association too. As always, feel free to play along.

1. Coroner :: sarcasm (NO idea where that came from)
2. Mystify :: dating
3. Corroborate :: brushed-metal
4. Misinterpret :: foreigners (aka, ex's)
5. Humorless :: Wicked Witch of the West (well she was!)
6. Calculus :: cake (mmmmm, did someone say cake?!!!)
7. Eye for an eye :: musketeer
8. CPR :: neighbors
9. Stitched :: hysterical
10. Facility :: school

When we were young

I received this in an email a while ago from my big sis. And while I'm normally not an "email" person, I kinda liked it.

So I'm sharing.