Ok, so I've noticed this hugely disturbing trend amongst bloggers lately where they talk about their bodily functions, as if everyone in the ENTIRE universe needs to know how often they go, what the firmness was, how they felt afterwards, what they think the next one will be like, and if they teared with the welling of emotions. Ok, EW! Next. NEXTTTTTT!
You will not find that sort of entry here.
On that delishious note, I'd like to make sure everyone understands that I don't offer up embarrassing moments very often. What you are about to read is as rare as seeing a dog walk on its hind legs. After all, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college (go ask Prakope about that one; he'll love telling you about it).
ANYWAY...
So this one time I came home from work, went to the bathroom, went to wipe and found I had gum stuck in my hair. And it was NOT the hair on my head if you know what I'm sayin'.
I KNOW, RIGHT?!
I stopped, and for maybe a sheer minute I just stood there trying to figure out what the FUCK was going on?! Just... I mean... how... er... umm.... why is it... GAH! HOW DID THE GUM GET THERE? WHY WAS IT EVERYWHERE? Just what in the holy FUCK was going on and why won't someone tell me?!
Yup. Gum.
Everywhere.
I literally had to cut everything out, not to mention off, to clean up that mess. I'll never forget having to call my boyfriend that night after the Balding Incident™ and try to explain to him the most fucked up thing that had ever happened to me for no apparent reason.
"Ummmm.... honey? You'll never believe this, but... uh...."
We nearly broke up that night cuz he thought I was cheating on him (don't worry, any guy who'd accuse me of cheating over THAT deserved a good breakup later - so we did).
It wasn't until about 3 weeks later when I got home from work, was going to the bathroom, and realized I had unconsciously been spitting out my gum in to the toilet paper while I was in progress that I realized I had wiped myself with gum.
That's how the gum got there.
Tra la la. And to think I wasn't even dying my hair blonde at the time! Ok, now that I have the embarrassing story out of the way we're never talking about this again. Wonder if Joe will work THAT in to his novel?!
Speaking of novels, Prakope's is the fucking BOMB! Have you guys all read it up to date? It's simply AMAZING!!!!!! I mean, there's like a plot 'n stuff. And, it's deep 'n stuff. It is soooooooooo a movie waiting to happen, and Johnny Depp gets to play Hoss (I call shotgun on that shit now). Just, go read it. I'm proud of my friend.
Joe's is coming right along, but I don't think he's posted the most recent version. Just so everyone knows, Johnny Depp will be playing his main character, the zombie slaying Jonathan Brewer. And I will be playing Margaret, his love interest. I will wear corsets, bright shiny things, and we will have many sexy scenes together. Many of them. After all, what is a zombie story without corsets and sexy scenes?
I'm just sayin'.
Comments
I added a line tonight from my female lead saying that Hoss reminded her of that actor Sam Elliot, who was the actual image I had in my head when I wrote that character.
And on a side note, Maggs also made it into my story although not in as dramatic role as Joe's. This one's more of a cameo appearance.
This reminiscence is very vividly visual - I may need a lie down.
I can't remember seeing either corsets or sexy scenes in any zombie movies I've seen - just mostly heads being bitten off etc, but as I'm all in favour of both the aforementioned, I shall look forward to them with gusto. ("NO Gusto! NO!!!") Will there be swashbuckling too, do you think?
Damnit Beavis, Hoss is DEPP!!!! There won't be any give and take. Er wait. What if Depp gets to be ZEKE and then I'm married to that fine piece of man.
Oh, I'll let you have Elliott but then *I* get Depp.
And just for the record, I'm not that anal retentive about cleaning. Er, maybe I am.
Welly, there will be MUCH swashbuckling in the Zombie saga! Joe just posted the latest addition, which includes a bit of swashbuckling - go read it here: www.livejournal.com/users/lno.