Montly archives
Election day
Tomorrow is election day. I will be waking up at 6:00 7:00 am to shower and get the polls before work.
And so should you.
Casting the vote
In case anyone was wondering, I have confirmed the intense smell of pot doth leaketh from my neighbor's apartment.
At 7:30 in the morning.
I woke up too early with every intention of voting, but the elevator doors hadn't yet opened when I heard the unmistakable cawing of yuppie voters standing in the lobby of my apartment building waiting to vote. The line was out the door people. Yay for people voting!
However, their prepared Loring park asses threw a wrench right in to my day, and I ditched my fabulous idea of early-bird voting and was officially at work early this morning for the first time... um, ever? I don't think you understood me. I. Was. Early. Um, I don't *do* early, kay? I arrive exactly when I mean to, which isn't at 8:45 in the morning. Voting will take place tonight when I will probably have to stand in line, twice as long as I could have this morning, with all the other procrastinating yuppies. At least this time I'll be bringing entertainment! Entertainment doth rocketh.
So... what sort of scandal will develop in the next 24 hours. Any conspiracy theories?
PS, if you're one of those people that needs to bring a cheat-sheet to the polls... PLEASE, sit down before you hurt someone. You don't get to vote.
PPS, Jon Stewart rules.
Civil duty: CHECK!
Yay I voted. No lines or nuthin'! The only hiccup was when the lady told me that to register I needed a current driver's license (uhhhhhhhhh) or a utility bill. Well. It just so happens I LIVE IN THIS GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING BUILDING, YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT INCLUDES ALL UTILITY BILLS IN ITS MONTHLY RENT SO I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING UTILITY BILL TO SHOW YOU GOD DAMNIT JUST LET ME VOTE ALREADY!!!! *pant pant pant*
Some very nice man heard me bitching while I was waiting to take the elevator up to my apartment and he said, "Well, I'LL VOUGE FOR YOU!" I giggled and he said it would be his pleasure. Having someone vouge for you is dope 'n stuff. Many blessings to him and his flock of llama's.
I voted.
And now I feel like I might throw up a little bit as of the results at 9:19 central. There is just NO WAY that MN is going Republican. None.
It's the day after the election
Someone..... *hold me*
Ah shit moments
HER: dammit!!!
ME: what?
HER: a mosquito got in the house and it flew in my tea!!!
HER: fucking bastard!!!
ME: Oh
ME: My
ME: GODDESS!!!
ME: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
HER: it's not funny!!!
HER: }:(
ME: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ME: YES IT IS!
ME: ha ha ha
HER: fucking Florida bastards!!
ME: he sacrificed his life so you could eat some proteinn
ME: either that or he heard Bush got re-elected
ME: and commited mosquito-kamikaze-cide
HER: now THAT was funny!!
Ladies choice
Today I replied to all the emails in my inbox. All but one. Many, many, many apologies Welly. I've kept you waiting far too long, but I'm saving the best for last *...runs for cover*!
So I'm toying with the idea of letting you guys pick the theme for the next design of the website. You name the ideas, talk amongst yourselves, and I will be your humble slave. Whatever your pleasure. Take a look here if you can't remember everything that's been up this year.
I should have you know that my one year blog-versary is approaching quickly and there will be some changes. So... better make it a good one!
Now, what would you like to see?
The Incredible Incredibles
Last night I was lucky enough to see The Incredibles.
First let me state that it's only a matter of time until Pixar hires me. After all, the the depths of untapped creativity and knowledge are still unknown. And well, they love me like a fat woman loves cake. They just haven't met me yet.
Second, the movie was *drum roll please* Incredible. It was a little more on the action/adventure edge than past pixar movies, therefore the target audience is slightly older (generally in their 30's, at least at my showing). What I really love about pixar flicks is the creativity. Tons and tons and tons of creativity, kicking Disney right in the balls.
Well, they do. No wonder Disney wants a piece of them so badly.
Hire me? Please?
The price of ... ooh, shiny things!
There's a Newton's Law about the time/space continuum very few people are aware of. The equation looks something like:
1 hour clockable, "real world" time = .00000000000001 minutes computer game time
So... uh... anyone trying to reach me this weekend obviously didn't because I was sucked in to the computer game vortex of terror. AKA The Sims 2. Damn dirty Sim 2 pigs stole my weekend. To be precise, it went something like birthday party's, wedding's, over-achieving private school brats, cockroach infestations, and vomiting with morning sickness sims. If Sim time were real time I've just lived the lives of 5 people over the course of 30 years or so.
I know, I suck. I have no excuse.
But I am quite serious about the time-space continuum being completely fucked while in Sim world. Six hours (or more) - POOF! On the bright side, it's November 7th in Minnesota and I still haven't turned on my heat! I know, right? Since we're on mathematics, the coolness factor of not having turned on my heat in freezing weather would be multiplied by 27 if I actually PAID for heat (it's included in my rent, as it were).
I know, price of tea in china 'n all that.
In conclusion, I have the greatest parents ever. Really, they're the absolute best. I can hardly wait to see my family at Thanksgiving and Christmas!
Your booty shivers me timbers... arrrrr
Welly, this one is for you. I'm currently reading the book The Pirates! In an adventure with Scientists: A Novel, by Gideon Defoe. Let's just get this out of the way up front: If Gideon ever finds himself reading this blog, let's go have a pint post haste! He is absolutely cracking me up more than any book I've read in a long, long time. Fucked up, witty, tea in china humor is the kind of humor I mesh well with. Let's get drunk and mumble a lot. It'll be more fun than a gaggle of pirates shantying in the native moonlight around a roasting ham. Arrrrrrrrgh.
So... people who need to read this book: Prakope, Welly, lno and I'd name Keira too, but she's too busy burying her face in the Satanic Bible at the moment to come up for air. And pirate booty. pLarge, you too when you get a free moment. Don't wait another second - just do the damn thang.
Ok, back to my booty....
Sensory Theater
Tonight I will be your cordial, spiffy (and cute I might add) guide through the Visual Audio Sensory Theater.
1) To stroke your maternal / paternal instincts a bit, I'm giving you PUPPY PICTURES! My friend just got a new puppy, Pirate, and he's just about the cutest ball of fur I've ever not seen in person. Joe's wife has 2 other dogs that are trained service dogs, working with the disabled and elderly. Pirate has the most wonderful home where he too will get to learn the tricks of the trade... and more importantly HERD SHEEP JUST LIKE HIS BIG SISTER ZAP!
2) For visual stimulation, I'm handing over my current desktop entitled "Change of Season". I found it on deviantart.com, one of my favorite places to pick up images. Yup. Download. Now. (click on the image)
3) I'm stroking the technical in you now. Head over to Mozilla and download the latest version of Firefox. Haven't you heard Internet Explorer is dead? Giddyup, bust a move and step to it. Don't forget to download some of their uberkool extensions, like the gmail notifier (I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT IT) and the weather.com plug-in for your status bar. How did I ever live without a computer I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER!
If you're one of those people who is miraculously without gmail and wants to be as cool as pLarge, I still have invites galore. Just ping me, k? Kay.
4) Zombies and Opticals are the new black. Go read two of my favorite people-ses up and coming novels (if you will remember, they have to finish by November 30th).
Prakope's The Vandal's Take Manhattan
Joe's As yet Untitled zombie saga
5) Last, but not least, to tempt your budding music appreciation quotient I'm giving you 5 sing-a-long's. Sing ye pirates, and be merry. Fer grog 'n wenches do agree with the mighty seas. Arrrrrrrrr. (So sorry, still hung up on the pirate thing...). Black Jack Wellington will be on you like a pirate on booty if you don't right-click and save-ass, I mean 'as'.
Aretha Franklin - Chain of Fools
Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl
Tracy Chapman - Give Me One Reason
INXS - Need You Tonight
Britney Spears - My Prerogative (Hey, hey, hey, it's catchy ALRIGHT?!)
Harumph-day
Don't you hate it when you get a paper-cut right on the webbing of your hand, between your thumb and forefinger?
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwie.
Acu-bation
BREAKING NEWS!: The United Health Association of Cynica™ has approved simultaneous masturbation and acupuncture to increase circulation, release negative chi, and improve men-tal health.
And to think our forefather's had somehow missed that very important piece of legislation.
Step KICK!
Doing my part in the rounds...
Best DUI arrest in the history of DUI arrests (Turn up the volume with sugar on top)
I'm inspirational 'n stuff
Well, apparently I'm the inspiration for the latest character in Joe's novel. Margaret.
*Ah hem*, no comments please.
Heard his sobbing, and thought, "Lo, is that strong-thewed Jonathan,
The blacksmith, the guy who has a thing for zombie women,
Which is kind of creepy, but maybe it's just a rumor,
Is that him, crying in his shop?" Long-haired Margaret, blonde-haired,
Blonde-haired like the Europeans spoken of before,
Since, coincidentally, as a Londoner,
She was also a European, and thus blonde-skinned and fair-livered,
Or something like that.
Margaret, misty-minded Margaret, she was a woman of no mean means,
Her father had passed, and her mother, and her brother, too,
Who was kind enough to make a fortune and die without an heir,
So she was pretty filthy rich, and boy, did she like it,
And misty-minded though she may be, she was wise sometimes,
Wise enough to see that her inheritance was not infinite,
That her investments, though wise, as wise as grey-eyed Athena,
Not grey-skinned zombies, mind you,
Her investments would not be enough to support her,
And since she still had her youth and her beauty,
Which, compared to the rest of the Londoners, and especially to zombies,
Was pretty impressive,
But then, it's not hard to look good when the competition is a ghoul,
Or has been eaten by a ghoul,
Regardless, she was determined to land herself a husband,
Preferably a rich, handsome husband,
Someone who could support her way of life,
Not that she was shallow, no, she'd marry for love,
Romantic love, platonic love, any kind of love, really,
As long as the guy still had money, piles and piles of money,
Yet the insightful observer will see that she's not marrying for money,
But for a shitload of money.
Jonathan, hammer-swinging Jonathan, he didn't have a shitload of money,
Not even a fuckton of money, but he had enough to get by, and live comfortably,
Which was good enough for him, but Margaret, dear, sweet, gold-digging Margaret,
That wasn't good enough for her, nowhere near, but I'm making her sound bad,
And she wasn't really all that bad, she just knew what she wanted,
And she wanted a rich husband, which Jonathan could never be,
But Jonathan knew people, and those people knew people,
And why would she close off those avenues when she needed to network,
After all, once she was rich, she could dump him like a bad habit,
But he didn't know that, and she didn't bother to tell anyone,
So they were pretty good friends.
Steeling herself to the sight of the stuffed zombie,
To the heirloom zombie on the wall of the smithy,
Which was pretty weird if you asked around, but no one really said too much,
Since William Brewer was a renowned zombie killer,
And it makes good business sense to advertise that in a semi-literate society,
Kind of like hanging out a shingle to advertise a law practice,
And since hanging out a zombie would only invite vandalism,
The heirloom zombie stayed inside, out of sight, out of mind,
Except for the people who entered the smithy,
At which point it became very much in sight, and in mind,
And that started to verge on creepiness.
Steeling herself again, since she did it a moment ago and then did nothing,
She entered the smithy, carefully avoiding the sight of the zombie,
The grey-skinned stuffed zombie, courtesy of the taxidermist on Market Street,
Who was really a nice mensch, he also ran a great deli,
But that's still beside the point,
The point being, Margaret looked away from the zombie,
And looked straight at Jonathan,
Tall, brown-eyed, snot-nosed Jonathan, clad in leather apron,
Hammer in hand,
Soon to be a zombie-smashing hammer, but neither of them knew that,
And Zeus may have known, but he wasn't telling anyone,
Especially not Margaret, who stood before Jonathan, and said,
"So, have you ever killed a zombie in the pale moonlight?"
Jonathan stood speechless.
"I always ask that of all my prospective husbands," misty-minded Margaret said,
Tossing her hair casually, almost flirtatiously,
But certainly not flirtatiously, since Jonathan wasn't rich.
Em-BARE-ASS-ing
Ok, so I've noticed this hugely disturbing trend amongst bloggers lately where they talk about their bodily functions, as if everyone in the ENTIRE universe needs to know how often they go, what the firmness was, how they felt afterwards, what they think the next one will be like, and if they teared with the welling of emotions. Ok, EW! Next. NEXTTTTTT!
You will not find that sort of entry here.
On that delishious note, I'd like to make sure everyone understands that I don't offer up embarrassing moments very often. What you are about to read is as rare as seeing a dog walk on its hind legs. After all, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college (go ask Prakope about that one; he'll love telling you about it).
ANYWAY...
So this one time I came home from work, went to the bathroom, went to wipe and found I had gum stuck in my hair. And it was NOT the hair on my head if you know what I'm sayin'.
I KNOW, RIGHT?!
I stopped, and for maybe a sheer minute I just stood there trying to figure out what the FUCK was going on?! Just... I mean... how... er... umm.... why is it... GAH! HOW DID THE GUM GET THERE? WHY WAS IT EVERYWHERE? Just what in the holy FUCK was going on and why won't someone tell me?!
Yup. Gum.
Everywhere.
I literally had to cut everything out, not to mention off, to clean up that mess. I'll never forget having to call my boyfriend that night after the Balding Incident™ and try to explain to him the most fucked up thing that had ever happened to me for no apparent reason.
"Ummmm.... honey? You'll never believe this, but... uh...."
We nearly broke up that night cuz he thought I was cheating on him (don't worry, any guy who'd accuse me of cheating over THAT deserved a good breakup later - so we did).
It wasn't until about 3 weeks later when I got home from work, was going to the bathroom, and realized I had unconsciously been spitting out my gum in to the toilet paper while I was in progress that I realized I had wiped myself with gum.
That's how the gum got there.
Tra la la. And to think I wasn't even dying my hair blonde at the time! Ok, now that I have the embarrassing story out of the way we're never talking about this again. Wonder if Joe will work THAT in to his novel?!
Speaking of novels, Prakope's is the fucking BOMB! Have you guys all read it up to date? It's simply AMAZING!!!!!! I mean, there's like a plot 'n stuff. And, it's deep 'n stuff. It is soooooooooo a movie waiting to happen, and Johnny Depp gets to play Hoss (I call shotgun on that shit now). Just, go read it. I'm proud of my friend.
Joe's is coming right along, but I don't think he's posted the most recent version. Just so everyone knows, Johnny Depp will be playing his main character, the zombie slaying Jonathan Brewer. And I will be playing Margaret, his love interest. I will wear corsets, bright shiny things, and we will have many sexy scenes together. Many of them. After all, what is a zombie story without corsets and sexy scenes?
I'm just sayin'.
The feast is back in town
1. Appetizer: Name 3 cosmetics/toiletries that you use on a daily basis.
Lip gloss, ginger-smelling hair conditioner, and Cetaphil face wash
2. Soup: Approximately how much exercise do you get per week, and what type of exercise is it (walking, running, swimming, etc.)?
Exercise is overrated. I walk a half hour to and from work everyday in the harsh elements, which is good enough for my metabolism.
3. Salad: Write a sentence including your favorite color and your favorite food.
Thai noodles with purple fuzz are still thai noodles is all I'm sayin'. SCHLP!
4. Main Course: What famous person/celebrity do you think you look like?
I used to get Gwyneth Paltrow all the time. But since I dyed the under of my hair dark red, I now get Avril Lavigne at least twice a week. Which is, well, weird since I'M NOT A TEENAGER!
5. Dessert: Name 2 simple things that never fail to make you happy.
Talking to this psycho and listening to the sweet sounds emanating from my speakers.
My Life: The Soundtrack
Shamlessly borrowed from The Neurotic One - the soundtrack to my life!
OPENING CREDITS: The Egg - Say You Will (Oakenfold Remix)
WAKING UP: Orbital - Halcyon and On and On
AVERAGE DAY: Dilba - Beyond Life
FIRST DATE: Bo Kaspers Orkester - Undantag
FALLING IN LOVE: Alicia Keys - Feeling U, Feeling Me
LOVE SCENE: Faithless - If Loving You Is Wrong (First half of the Remix)
FIGHT SCENE: Coldplay - God Put A Smile On Your Face (Oakenfold Remix)
BREAKING UP: Zero 7 - Distractions
GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Massive Attack - Angel
MOVING ON: Tracy Bonham - Freed
SECRET LOVE: Chill Out In Paris 3 - Awakening
LIFE'S OKAY: NuBreed & Luke Chable - One Day (Oakenfold Remix)
MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Portishead - Biscuit
DRIVING: Juno Reactor - Pistolero
LEARNING A LESSON: Groove Armada - Edge Hill
DEEP THOUGHT: Lamb - Angelica
FLASHBACK: Aim - Sail (Oakenfold Remix)
PARTYING: Faithhless - I Want More, Part II
HAPPY DANCE: Madonna - Ray of Light
REGRETTING: Tali - Grey Dazz (Oakenfold Remix)
LONG NIGHT ALONE: Balligomingo - Marooned
DEATH SCENE: Moby - Everloving
CLOSING CREDITS: Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line
Setting up a link with all these songs Welly, I'll email you the info. If anyone else is interested in having a spiffy copy all for themselves feel free to email me. I will arrange things....
Le Not-Blessed Event
My friend got robbed today. Her house is completely destroyed, she has no money, and nowhere to go.
Think the office will let me off for a week to go fetch her?
[So if you're one of those people that likes to, you know, send cookies or cash to those in need I'll give you her address. She's real, real scared right now...]
Heroes. Blood. Guns. Sexual Devices. Shopping.
Today's quote for the day is:
Every woman should have 2 wingmen so cool as both of mine.
First I'll have you know I *tore* myself away from Half-Life 2 just so I could be with you this evening.
What?
I never said I wasn't weak when it came to video games 'n stuff. This game is just... supercalafragilisticexpialadociousooie!!!!!! I mean, I remember back in the day when a 3/4 green circle would eat a dot. Man. THAT was interactivity 'n shit.
But NOW!
The guns... and water... and wood... and blood... and.. and... and... That's why I won't be easily accessible in the week(s) to come. Must. Play. Half-Life 2. And of course, after Half-Life 2 comes Counterstrike. Huh huh... huh... huh...
Before we part this evening, I have to tell you about one and a half of my worst nightmares nearly realized today...
See, today at lunch Steve and I went to D'Amico's on Nicollet. Nothing special, overpriced meat sandwiches are pretty normal for us. However... today the waitress was especially smart-assed, and if I got even one more nasty look from any chick in that place I was going to go ballistic on all their over-priced meat sandwich asses. That's why after we grabbed our food and took 2 steps out of the door, and Steve said... "OMG, that waitress is the girl I found online a few nights ago and emailed!! Remember? I sent you her picture!!!!" I nearly died.
Or wait... maybe I almost died when I found out all of Keira's sexual devices were ransacked by the robbers last night and had to lay out in the middle of the bedroom floor for "fingerprinting" in front of god and everybody until the police were done.
Well duh! Of COURSE there won't be any fingerprints on those. Sheesh! Yup... come to think of it, that was definitely when I almost died today.
*digressing...*
So Steve recognized one of his Yahoo's. Like... in the flesh 'n stuff. She looked at him, he looked at her, and yet nobody told me WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON!!! Guess it turns out it's a good thing I cracked a really funny joke that made him look good. Man, if he gets laid because of a reference to "A Boy Named Sue" I'm for sure bottling up my pimpage and selling it on eBay.
On the other hand, he was totally had. Her picture was WAYYYY cute but up close... DAMN! That bitch should have to pay damages for shopping herself around like that. He was had, yo!
Heroes. Blood. Guns. Sexual Devices. Shopping. What more could any person ask for in a single blog entry? That's all folks. I'll be here all week.
Romantical thoughts
I'm so sorry. So so so so sorry but I can't resist posting a copy of Britney Spears' latest. She fancies herself a literary genius, not that I'm anyone to judge here, but well.... you'll just have to read her honeymoon poem for yourself.
Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?
My assistant Fe gave me the call.
I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.
I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.
We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.
As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.
A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!
Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.
Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.
Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!
As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!
Now, if that had been a haitian voodoo, zombie cult saga written in dactylic hexameter I would have been the first to design her a book cover.
Do you have a license for that m'am
Remember my entry from last night about my friend's sexual devices laying out in front of god, the police, and everybody after she got burglarized? The story got better...
It seems that the empty "box" one of her devices came in was also laying out.
...
Right next to all her needles and Satanic bible.
...
Directly adjacent to her weed pipe.
...
Which were in turn right next to the movie "The 12 Lays of Christmas".
That's all folks, have a good evening!
Saturday morning snack
1. Appetizer: What do you think is the perfect age to get married? To have a first child? To retire?
Uhhhhh... is this a trick question? Honestly, I believe it happens precisely when it's meant to.
2. Soup: If you could change occupations tomorrow, what would you want to do for a living?
Make things beautiful, albeit that's not really a job title. But that's what I would do.
3. Salad: What does the color green make you think of?
Growth.
4. Main Course: What is something that has happened to you over the last year that you didn't expect?
That I'd be telling the entire of the internet about The Balding Incident™
5. Dessert: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
13 (I told the boy I was kissing I was 16, but I'm pretty sure he didn't believe me)
Paging Mr. Wonderful
It's that time of the month - when I give you a new skin, natches. I thought about your suggestions and doing the snowflake thing... but... well, I'm God here so I overruled that for now. Check out my pretty girlie skin! *wiggles*
Whew, feeling much better for that. In other local news, it has become blatently obvious that if for no other reason, I need a man around to take care of the things men take care of.
Like cars.
I just... I don't *do* cars, k? Haven't had great experiences getting any kind of service for my car - and I swear to you I am that chic that can walk in to Joe's Garage in my cute litte outfit needing wiper fluid and leave $850 later after hearing my car is on the verge of an untimely, messy, noisy death. And more importantly, I'd get stranded in the middle of nowhere and have to WALK in my really cute shoes to safety. Nevermind the minor detail that I NEVER, EVER drive my car.
Really people, it's that bad.
I've only been suckered once or twice, but my normal method of putting people in their place and handling shit like a scary bitch doesn't work when I do cars for the main reason that I just don't KNOW anything about cars! They're all confusing 'n stuff! I mean, I buy a car cuz I look pretty in it and it has a great stereo system. Fast is good. So is sparkly.
*twinkle, twinkle*
I haven't had an oil change in a year (read above about never, ever driving said car), so I figured before the long trek home for Thanksgiving I would just go ahead and take care of that minor detail. Took the wingmen's advice and went to "some oil place on that one highway out in the burbs".
Great. That narrows it down.
Hence, I followed their instructions very precisely. So why did I end up in some scary part of North Minneapolis - or was it West? - unable to see the skyline to find my way home?! People were flashing their gold teeth at me on a few streetcorners, grabbing themselves, and doing "the nod" as I drove by. The plot thickened when I realized I was out of gas.
I drove and drove, cursed highway 55 and friends' directions, and finally found my way BACK to a main highway an hour later. <-- Yup, that happened. Four hours later I was home safe and sound, but without a nice little treat from ANY eateries in the burbs because my driver's side window has been broken almost a year now.
On the bright side, I stopped off at Lund's grocery stores and picked up the best tea in the history of best tea's. Seriously, their "Holiday Blend" (ceylon tea infused with extracts of cranberry; then with the addition of vanilla, cinnamon, orange peel and cranberries carefully blended by hand) is so amazing I nearly drove back for more. It's that good.
All is well in the world again.
Oblivion
Dear Prakope,
Ahem. Sincerest apologies for taking 7 months to get to the book you recommended 9 months ago: Oblivion. However, in my defense I know you read it once and the life it would have led on one of your dusty bookshelves isn't nearly as exciting as the life it's currently living in my vanilla-scented Eden.
Until last night.
When Oblivion and I curled up in bed together, it was pure magic. Bright sparks of light popped and crackled as my focused eye scanned the page while my wandering eye checked out the picture of the author is his cute puppy (you think I'm kidding here). What was the name of the short story I was supposed to read again? Taurus... something? Neon something? Sounds like "car" is all I remember. After all 7 months of memory is a lot to ask from... Ooooooh, bright shiny things!
I'm now reading said short story, and this verbose message is to let you know it may be some time before you get the book back as I will soon be hooked in to the other shorts as well. Plus, see note about author's cute pup.
This has been your friendly public service announcement courtesy of Sophie.
PS, Has everyone read The Pirates: In An Adventure With Scientists?! Aaaaarrrrr.
Because you haven't had enough on pirates
I just figured you hadn't had enough on pirates, so this is to fill your daily quota: Pirate Riddles for Sophisticates.
Yes, we here at sopheava.com are a classy bunch.
In other news, David Ash has provided us with a list of Action Verbs to Use Sparingly on Resumés.
Bless you.
misappropriated
corrupted
pissed away
undermined
blamed
sodomized
obfuscated
extorted
fondled
marred
pimped
Dino-cassette
This weekend when I was driving (that mysterious and ellusive thing I do once every 2 months or so to get myself some food), I got to thinking very seriously about something on the dash.
The cassette player.
?!?!!! Right?
I mean, who has a CASSETTE player anymore?! Where does one PURCHASE cassette tapes? And even if someone DID make cassette tapes, how would I record on to a blank one? I haven't even OWNED a tape in like, 6 years!?
On the walk to work this morning I saw the Scientologists are selling cassettes... but, uh... I'll pass thanks.
Actually, now that I'm thinking about it my parents may have an old box of my "stuff" of which I haphazardly threw in Alice Cooper and Debbie Gibson tapes. Interesting. I may have to check in to that over Thanksgiving.
HELLO FRIENDS, Alice Cooper?! Good lord, someone take me out back and put me out of my misery. MP3 player and crackly radio transmitter it is for the long car ride home.
Oooh, which reminds me. I'm headed back to my family's house in Wisconsin on Wednesday where they have the dread pirate d-d-d...dialup! *shudders* I will try to post, my lovelies, but it could prove difficult. Until tomorrow then...
Harmonium
I do hereby decree today shall henceforth be known as the Day of Sap™.
Between seeing a white dove directly cross my path this morning, a moving experience last night on the walk home involving the Groove Armada and some park lights, and the brand spankin' new music I picked up involving piano's and beautiful lyrics, sapeth doth gush.
Weird.
Anyway, I'm totally loving all the piano bits in Vanessa Carlton's new album. But the REAL surprise today is Robert Downey Jr.'s new album: Futurist. Totally a spontaneous buy - furthermore, I didn't even realize it just came out TODAY!!! But damn. It's just so.... good!
Who knew?!
All this piano makes me want to play the piano again. Or just listen to it all day with a ridiculous smile on my face.
PS, I don't think I ever got the chance to properly pimp another fantastic album: Faithless's - Mass Destruction. It's my new favorite "working" album. On non-sap days, nonetheless.
Read my lips
Today's phrase of the day is:
Thank you, have a nice day.
Happy Thanksgiving
Alright folks, I will be spending the majority of the day traveling tomorrow, followed by several days of *gulp* dial-up. I'd like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving now in case the other side swallows me whole.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Your regularly scheduled programming will be back shortly.
Thanksgiving thanks
Did everyone miss me? Cuz I missed YOU! *one round of big, huge hugs and snuggles*
1. First off, Thanksgiving was all lovely and splendid. I had the great, um, fortune of seeing my ENTIRE family in one place for several hours. Paul had the million dollar idea of creating a new reality show where the F.I.V.E. adult children and their respective families move back home. Wives and children also included. Heh. Let's see... 4 plus 5 plus.... carry the one... and that officially makes 18 people, 5 dogs, 10 cats, and 2 birds. Plus the 2 kittens I'm coveting something fierce. Bunim-Murray Productions can reach pLarge via me for more information on this lucrative reality show. Ch-ching!
2. I missed the first snowfall. There's only a few things mother nature knows I look forward to every year: when all the fountains get turned on downtown, when everything is in full bloom, that magical week when all the leaves are falling, and the first snowfall. And god damnit, Minneapolis had its first effing snowfall when I was away. Boooooo. On the bright side, because I'm that kinda gal, everything is white and lovely. Yay.
3. The movie National Treasure is a very entertaining movie. It's not Austen or Homer, duh, but it is fun on a Saturday afternoon.
4. The movie Alexander will quite possibly win the award for worst screenplay in the history of worst screenplays. All the actors were fantastic - uber fantastic even - but someone forgot to hire a proper screenplayer writer. Oops. Don't waste your money.
5. First sign of the apocalypse arrived Wednesday evening... when my 64 year old father told me he wanted a blog. Yes, take a moment to gather yourselves, an act not entirely dissimilar from that which I did. A. Blog. I'll just leave you with that.
6. Whilst talking to her on Saturday evening, she dropped the phone on her head. Let's just ponder for a moment how one actually DROPS a phone on their head whilst TALKING on the phone. *scratches head in bewilderment*
That's all for tonight. I hope everyone had a Thanksgiving as lovely as mine. *many more hugs and snuggles* I blame the banana cream pie for the mysterious and elusive good mood.
I wonder...
My final thought for this evening...
I wonder how many toy stores get Ouija boards returned because "they don't work". Or "my mom found it."
Some kind of miracle
Here's tonight's programme:
Item #1: Proper Christmas skin posted!!! *cheer, cheer* (Without the aid of Ralphie 'n everything --- annnnnnnd designed and implemented in under two hours. DAMN I'm good!) So go make the christmas switch, and more importantly love that which is pink. Isn't it lovely?!!!!! *eeeeeeeeeee!!!*
Item #2: National Novel Writing Month is drawing to a close, and two of my favoritest people have finished their novels. Can you believe it?! TWO of my friends started AND completed novels in the month of November. I uh... I didn't even make it through one jar of apple juice! They are my heroes and I'm so proud I could just tear up a little. Please, go show them some love AND read their brilliant works of art.
For real, Joe's novel is the FUNNIEST thing I've read since The Pirates. And if Gideon Defoe's publisher knew what was good for them, they'd sign up Joe before someone else snags him first with the promise of bright shiny things and buffalo wings. I do believe he still has to wrap up a few loose ends, but he's officially hit 50,000 words. Go laugh at him and his novel. GO!
And Steve.... has announced this evening that the Vandals have officially taken Manhattan. Now THAT novel reads like a season of 24 - action, gripping chapters... which all means Steve has grown up watching FARRRRR too much teley. Any publishers in the hizzy?! Bueller? All that's left is me designing some appropriate book covers for my respective friends. No pressure whatsoever though. It's only the BOOKCOVERS FOR MY FRIENDS' FIRST NOVELS!!!
Go read. You'll be glad you did. I can honestly say my friends are my heroes.
(how many times did I repeat myself in that last section anyway.... ???)
Item #3: The fam has requested I post pictures from Thanksgiving. I really, really, really thought I took more pictures than I did. So...... there's only a few. Sorry, SORRY! However, if you're an Andrews and you want to see what you saw mere days ago, go check out the photos here. Proper photoshopping to the family member who bribes me best!!!
November's x-tra special list
I've decided I will be requiring a computer in my shower. Cuz that's where I think of all kinds of things to blog about.
But then I get out of the shower, sit in front of my computer, and this is what you get.
*sound of crickets... mocking me*
That's why we're lucky it's the last day of November, because it's time for *dun dun dunnnnnn* THE LIST! I can't believe no one realized I didn't post my October list of favorite things. INCLUDING ME!!! *sigh* So, I'll try to make November's extra good for you.
the vandals take manhattan || zombie saga || turkey dinners with consultant dk || an email from my favorite author of the moment || voting || sim'ing || subwoof-tastic bass || king & i thai || kelly clarkson - thankful || grooviest lava-lamp green sweater i've ever owned || my beautiful family || the 5 rings of beauty on my finger || snow || vanilla-scented candles || creativity || saturday afternoon movies with the people i love || rocco altobelli || mrs. kelly's holiday blend, homemade tea || homemade scarves || acupuncture || woodlock