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Mucho feasting tonighto

Thanks to everyone for submitting their requests for pictures! I'll be posting them later tonight when I get home and get a chance to snap the last few. Additionally, cuz I'm a nice gal and, ... eh, nice like that, the invitation for requests will be kept open for a few days in case any stragglers come through and feel cheated out of the token undie drawer shot.

First things first, today's feast. Whoala!

1. Appetizer: What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?

Well, this would imply that I keep my phone turned on. If I did keep it on, I'd want it to be the sound of Keira giggling. Especially when she's like all confused 'n stuff. That shit makes me laugh out loud. Every. Time.

2. Soup: Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).

Strong warm front moving on through, followed by sun, sun, sun!

3. Salad: What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?

Design & usability.

4. Main Course: Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. What books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?

The dictionary. And the complete works of Shakespeare. Oh, and a complete collection of the history of art. Remembering is all hard 'n stuff.

5. Dessert: If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next candy bar, what would it be like?

Peanut butter wrapped in chocolate. Or the other way around - whichever. Yum, yum, YUM!

Because I'm nice like that

The interesting thing about walking around downtown Minneapolis with a camera, is that you might as well be walking around with an AK-47. Because that's how people react. I've never had more people walking behind me and turning away at every corner - all in the name of le pictures. Thanks to everyone for making me your bitch!

First there's Keira. She wanted to see:

• The toiletries shelf inside my shower


• The contents of the cool little 'stuff' cabinet in my kitchen


• One of the old fart neighbors in your elevator (Sooo.... this one wasn't so easy. I couldn't actually find one IN an elevator, so I had to take a picture of one in front of the building. I know, I'm pretty fucking awesome, right?)

Then there's the Alpha-Lurker, who wanted to see:

• A picture of my favoritest outfit (including shoes, because, well, shoes matter)


• My desk at work

Ahhhh prakope. Who could forget about the ridiculousness that is prakope. He wanted to see:

• 3 blonde man passed on the way to work


• A picture of my sock drawer


• A picture of me hugging a tree downtown while walking to work

And what luck that Shea happened to be visiting. She wanted to see:

• My Victoria's Secret body lotion/spray collection


• My cool new dishes: here and here


• My mailbox

Jelly was late, but he still made it after much drama (honestly Jelly, you had us all worried!). He wanted to see:

• My favourite mug / cup


• My computer desk at home


• My messiest bookshelf

So.... I realize now after looking at these pics that I'm quite the anal retentive neat freak. But you have to admit, girlfriend's got some dishes if you know what I'm sayin'.

Sunday brunch

Right, it's a few days late but here's September's list.

Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 | Sex and the City | surprise birthday gifts | new music | creative zen | sims 2 | lia the color technician | planning for The Blessed Event™ | fried green tomatoes | free drinks at the Newsroom | pots and skillets | the "stuff" cabinet | friends and family who are there

And now a few words from our lovely, blonde sponsor about that whole picture jazz.

1. I'm addicted to smelly stuff in the shower. And matching smelly lotions. And matching smelly body splash. I. Need. Help.

However, I am not addicted to perfume.

2. Lots of things can go in the "stuff" cabinet.

3. That white shirt is my favoritest shirt ever!!!! I bought it in the men's department 11 years ago and still love it to bits. There's something sexy about wearing a man's shirt, right? Right? And that is the reason I only took a picture of the top - because anything I wear it with makes that my favorite outfit. Ahhhhhh. White shirt....

4. I am freakishly clean and neat. I didn't even have to pick up for those pictures. If only Wellington knew what he was getting in for when he asked me to take a picture of my messiest bookshelf. NOTHING is messy in my house. I even fold my socks AND underwear. (Don't ask.)

5. Getting assigned to take pictures of three blonde men downtown does not guarantee a date. In fact, it often doesn't even get you one at all.

6. I don't own a computer desk. I'm approaching 30 and single - laptops were created just for me. So I had to take a picture of my couch and the little stand it often sleeps on.

That is all.

Shhhh, I'm a chain-gamer

Three things this morning. Brief 'n all that.

First) I bought the new Prodigy cd (Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned) when it came out a few weeks ago. It *might* be on my list of top 3 cd's from 2004. Cuz damn. I love it so much I need to blog about how much I love it. Like every Prodigy cd it's completely new and out there, and like every Prodigy CD it takes some getting used to. But now I can't stop. I am like the slinky that slinked itself out of control. I listen to it on the way to work. When I'm at work. On the way home from work. When I'm in the shower. When I'm eating dinner. Etc. Etc. Check out "Hot Ride", "Phoenix", "The Way It Is" (which samples THRILLER!!! - how dope is that?!), and "More Girls". Oh, and also "Wake Up Call" and "Spitfire" (which might be the best driving song EVER). Per normal, I'll share cuz I'm nice like that.

Second) He might have given me the best birthday present this year and it's not even my birthday yet. How dope is this?! Well, technically he just got a new Powerbook and Precious (that's her name) just came back from a hard drive crash. Brand spankin' new. She will be coming to stay at my house indefinitely starting tomorrow. I do believe that she and Shiva will be BFF.

Third) Sims 2. Where do I start with the Sims 2? Well, I purchased the Sims 2 after not being able to get in to the original Sims at all (I know, why would I do that?). However, it arrived in a pretty little package all for me on Friday evening and I promptly installed it and prepared for a weekend of playing god. Yeah, so.... I could play about 10 minutes of the game, and everytime my Sims fell in love my computer would crash. I have a similar problem in reality (har har). Needless to say, Margaret was NOT a happy camper.

After talking to complete dalts of tech support (eventhough I told them precisely what the problem was at the beginning of the call), they told me at the end of the call what my problem was (yup, I was right) and that they couldn't do anything for me. Wow, I'm shocked.

So this entry is for all the people out there googling about their Sims 2 game crashing during play. I knew I needed to update the drivers for my ATI Radeon 9000 graphic card, but because I own a Dell I couldn't just download the updates from ATI. I had to download them from Dell. And of course Dell's most recent updates are 20 months old (I KNOW, right?!). After much pouting and whining (just ask her), and two days of pulling out my hair - not to mention an hour long phone conversation with a Dell customer support dalt - I found a place to update my drivers: Omega Drivers. All hail the Omega Driver gods! The rock with a capital WOW up 'n in this bizatch.

This game is dope - check it out (yup, I used "dope" three times in this post).

And for desert today, the Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 demo is available. Wowsa-s! This is the best month for computer games EVERRRRRRRR!

Ok, back to my high class, sophisticated, adult life now.

Reason #27285 why I'm a computer geek

This is what happened to our Sims tonight:

-- She started a fire

-- She had to see a therapist because of the fire
-- I picked up a hot Swede named Sven while said fire was breaking out
-- We snubbed three guys to hang out together
-- Our asses were HOT in our little pink bikinis

All in all, I would say it was a pretty accurate reflection of the normal course of things in our normal lives.

PS, Brie and apples or grapes should be part of the constitution. Or whatever. They just should.

Onestringofwords reprise

so here we are back to the one string of words thing cuz i can't think of anything decent for your viewing pleasure tonight in case you haven't been around since the last one string of words it's this little game i play where i have to type without stopping for a specified amount of time usually made up in the land where goddesses are pretty not to mention libran ok so please don't kill me when i tell you that there's this song that cynica turned me on to that i love right so it's not that she turned me on to it because she actually has fantastic taste in music but it's the fact that she forced me to download a song by hillary duff called fly i know right what diabollically politically incorrect disease causes someone to listen to hillary well it would be the same one that causes said subject to purchase ashlee simpson's cd i am strong libran who bends to no one well except for cynica and hillary in this case and on the occasional drunken escapade speaking of drunken escapades there was this one time i visited new orleans with le better than a bodyguard cynica and had one or two unwanted gropings going on in the rear area of a cute little mini black tube dress adorned by moi i believe this is the point where i turned to cynica and simply said he touched me to which she turned around and promptly punched him in the face the bodyguard standing there didn't like that very much the moral of the story is that everyone should have a cynica right so the other moral of the story is that she bites

your turn

Prizes for everyone

It's time to play that game again (needing some material here people).

Step 1: Open your mp3 player.
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: List the first ten songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.

Whoala! All ya'll need to play along 'n stuff.

1. Minnie Driver - Wire (on my list of top albums from 2004, everyone MUST check out her better-than-Norah voice)
2. Tori Amos - Father Lucifer
3. Kelly Clarkson - The Trouble With Love (don't knock it, everyone must admit her voice is KA)
4. Chill Out In Paris II - Wisdom of Sands
5. Alicia Keys - Butterflyz
6. Karsh Kale - Longing
7. Orbital - Halcyon and On and On
8. Tracy Bonham - Black Dog
9. Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up
10. Paul Oakenfold - Amygdala

The mysterious and elusive they should have personality tests based on people's music tastes. I have a lot of chic music. And a lot of relaxing music. DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED RELAXING TO YOU?!!!!

In a funk 'n stuff

1. Appetizer: What are your plans for the upcoming weekend?

Laundry, clean house, Big Bowl, grocery shopping, Sims 2, nap, website updates, software updates, and cure world hunger. In that order.

2. Soup: Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?

I believe the correct phrase is "Who is the only person you talk to on the telephone?" That would be her. Well, and that's when my phone is turned on.

3. Salad: Name a hobby that you've tried but eventually gave up for some reason.

I used to make clothes for my barbies. I would knit them or make them out of old socks. I suppose I gave them up because... well, I turned 9.

4. Main Course: What is the most important personality quality in a mate?

The able-to-handle-sopheava-ality. Anyone who can handle my shit deserves a purple heart. Might explain why I'm still single.

5. Dessert: Why is the sky blue (be creative with your answer)?

Because if it was pink men everywhere would kill themselves. Come to think of it...

I have a case of the creep

WHEW! Can we say about time?

I finally got around to doing a little housework around the website. I'd like to redirect your attention to the side of the screen where you will notice I've rearranged and fixed up the available options a bit. You will still notice searching capability, a main menu, and a list of memorable entries. However, you will now find that if you go to the monthly archives, you will be brought to a page showing ALL the entries from that specific month and not just stupid linked up titles. Cuz linky titles are all like stupid 'n stuff. Less clicking for all my favorite peeps (that's YOU!!!).

I know, I know. I'm cool like that. You may commence with the showering of gifts.

Additionally, one might find that I've also added a blogrolling section. This is the pimptastic part of the page where you will find links to my favorite reads - easy access 'n all that. All the cool kids are doing it so dip in. The water's just right.

Then there's the small issue of this. I never thought the day would come when I was so old I would be itching for a crockpot, but there I was in aisle 58 picking up water filters when I turned around and saw this sparkling beauty beaming at me. So of course I started thinking about all the wonderful things I could make in it (no thanks to her incessant talking about the unnatural aromas wafting from her kitchen), and then the clouds parted and the gods bestowed in my cart a crockpot whose beauty is of biblical proportions. LO! BEHOLD YE OLD CROCKPOT. Tomorrow I will be running to the store for potatoes, bay leaves, pork and/or ham, carrots, onions, peppers, carrots, and anything else anyone suggests. I'm new to this whole slow-cooking thing so send on over your suggestions. Girl without a kitchen vent's gotta piss off her neighbors somehow, right? Right. Thanks in advance to god and everyone. And especially my fans. I couldn't have purchased this pot without you.

Huh huh, I purchased pot tonight. Huh huh.

How will it go down?

Question:

Can you be pissed at a perfectly nice someone because their dream self is the equivalent of a hairy donkey ass to you? I was napping today and had this very intense dream which concluded in me shoving this guy I work with off an extraordinarly dainty ledge (playing too much Sims) cuz he called me fat.

That's right, he called me FAT!

So I pushed him off a ledge.

Maybe you didn't understand. Motherfucker called me fat! But now I'm awake and all pissed at him. Wasn't there a Friends episode like this? Should I tell him? What's a FAT libran to do?!

In today's other news I picked up some supplies at the very beautiful Lunds in Uptown for Sunday's Crockpottery™. Unnaturally wonderful aromas will be wafting out of every crevice of my apartment tomorrow. Come one, come all.

Dear old neighbors

TO THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS WHO PLAY THEIR TV REAL, REAL LOUD,

I KNOW 6 INCHES OF CEMENT SEPARATES ME FROM YOU, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND SACRED, *MUST* YOU BLARE YOUR T.V. UNTIL 11:30 AT NIGHT EVERY NIGHT? I'M TOLD BY MY INFORMANT THAT THE BOTH OF YOU ARE OLD AND THAT YOU'RE BOTH HARD OF HEARING. PERHAPS YOU WOULDN'T BE SO HARD OF HEARING (NOT TO MENTION HAVING TO SHOUT AT EACH OTHER) IF YOU PRACTICED THE ZEN ART OF LISTENING.

NOW. I WILL BE HOLDING A SHORT SESSION IN THE ZEN ART OF LISTENING THE EVENING OF THE 21ST IN MIAMI IF ANYONE WOULD CARE TO JOIN ME. METHINKS YOU COULD USE A LITTLE ZEN IN YOUR VERY HARD-OF-HEARING LIVES.

THANKS IN ADVANCE FROM THE PRETTY GIRL WHO LIVES UPSTAIRS AND NEEDS HER BEAUTY SLEEP TO REMAIN SO,
~SOPHEAVA

PS, SORRY DIDN'T MEAN TO SHOUT, APPARENTLY I'VE CAUGHT YOUR DISEASE.

Multiplied x 3

A little meme for tonight (found at Tenth-Muse's lovely home):

Name THREE of your........

1. Pet Peeves: dishonesty, laziness, bad manners
2. Favorite Sounds: compliments, anything piping through my headphones, kitten purr
3. Favorite Flavors of Candy: Uhhhhhh... I'm stumped. I'm not a huge candy eater sooooo... my final answer is, "What are grape, cinnamon, and strawberry?"
4. Biggest Fears: snakes, fear itself, and another snakes for good measure. They REALLY FREAK ME OUT!!!
5. Biggest Challenges: trust, money, forgiveness
6. Favorite Department Stores: Ikea, Target, and Marshall Fields
7. Most Used Words: fuck, dood, and absolutely
8. Favorite Pizza Toppings: pepperoni, mushrooms, and onions
9. Favorite Cartoon Characters: Aladdin's genie, the girl cat in Pepe-Le-Pew, and Strongbad
10. Movies Recently Watched: Real Genius, Underworld, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
11. Favorite Fruits: bananas, apples, and watermelon
12. Favorite Vegetables: onions, potatoes, and corn (CORN IS A VEGGIE FER FUCK'S SAKE!)

When no one is watching

Apparently there's a little confusion around the office, so let's just set things straight. Shall we?

I, Margaret Andrews, am not English.

In fact, I've known enough Englishman over my humble years to know they will probably be insulted at the very notion that this mouth could possibly be from anywhere but the good ol' Midwest. The small matter of my Englishesque name has never helped matters much, but there you have it.

The funny thing is, I used to have professor's in college - professor's from overseas - ask me what country I was visiting from. Like that isn't an opportunity begging to be had from all directions, am I right? Sometimes I would put on my most d'yooper accent possible (always have had the knack for accents) and really make them feel silly for asking. Twice I played along and told them I was from another country by putting on the Swedish thing. Ah... good times, good times.

In other news, I've been thinking about (my AMAZING) father a lot lately. For no apparent reason. The fact is that I live in Minnesota and the rest of my family lives in Wisconsin, several hours away, so I don't get to see anyone very often. But the past few days I've had these bubbling memories of when I was a kid - WARNING: sap alert...

My dad was a businessman through and through - and a very successful one at that. He did what he had to do to take care of his family and himself, and did a damn good job at it. By the time my parents had me, they had 4 other brats under their belts (WELL, you guys WERE brats!!!) and so I turned out perfect of course. I have these vivid memories of waking up early with my dad every morning - from the time I was 3 - and snuggling with him on the couch for an hour or two before anyone else even got up. He would read his newspaper, drink his coffee, sometimes we'd share doughnuts, and watch the morning news (that Deborah Norville), and I would stumble down in my footie pajamas with my blankie, and cuddle up next to him. Over the years he softened and at 6:00 he would turn the TV on to whatever I wanted to watch (don't tell my siblings, they'll be jealous). There was Mr. Wizard's World, Fraggle Rock, and Little Women the cartoon. What an amazing feeling that was - getting to snuggle up to your wonderful, loving, compassionate father.

So the next time your asshole boss is being a huge asshole, remember he might be the kind of guy who snuggles with his little girl when no one is watching.

Warming up to November

This is so relevant and concerning to me. Check out this article featured on boingboing.net today:

Or jump directly to the forum located here.

I'm glad someone's talking about it. Not to mention concerned no one is doing anything about it. Which reminds me, I really want to see Fahrenheit 911 before the election takes place.

Weird science

What kind of freak gorgeous woman has ONE eyelash longer than all the rest? One that hangs its little black fangs beautiousness out for the entire world to see?

*hangs head in shame shyness*

Yes, that would be me. I trim my eyelash once a year because it's too long. Sue me.

All my love to NY policemen

Yay for New York policemen!!!! *does happy dance*

Alpha & Omega

Looks like my big pink elephant is looking for a place to settle. I'll be happy to see her settled in a new home. Won't you?

Friday shiznit

Today could be better. The big pink elephant has pulled a woman's prerogative and changed her mind in all directions. Fucking women bullshit. So I'm wondering if ya'll are interested in playing the question game (read, something fun to make this bullshit day just a little bit sunshinier).

Ask away. Now for the feast.

1. Appetizer: What is your favorite beverage?

Water. No really. Water.

2. Soup: Name 3 things that are on your computer desk at home or work.

Chinese lamp, plant, cup of pretty things to write / draw with.

3. Salad: On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how honest do you think you are?

9 1/4

4. Main Course: If you could change the name of one city in the world, what would you rename it and why?

I'd change Sheboygan, WI to The Shiznit. That way I could say, "I'm from The Shiznit."

5. Dessert: What stresses you out? What calms you down?

What stresses me out? Being lied to or stabbed in the back. Can't decide which is worse, though they can be awfully related. What calms me down? Talking to my best friend and / or taking a 40 minute shower with lots of smelly stuff.

I'm not satisfied with the way things are

Well. I had intended to leave up this past blog entry for a while to let people think about what they might want to get out of this website. In the meantime, I stopped off at the video store and picked up the movie Fahrenheit 911. Not because I'm a Republican. Not because I'm a Democrat. But because I'm an American citizen who wants to know more from every angle. I want to make an informed decision. And now I've decided I'd rather you think about this movie than some silly approaching-30 woman who had a "bad day".

Like most of my peers, I'm undecided as to who I'm voting for because - let's face it - it's the worse of 2 evils.

But then I rented this movie.

I'm not a mother, I don't even personally know anyone who's been involved in the war, and I cried at this movie. I cried, and cried, and cried. I haven't been able to cry in months even through all the personal troubles I've been dealing with. Watching this movie made me cry. I am absolutely, unequivocally horrified. I almost feel like I want to vomit at all the horrible things presented in this film. And you know what, to anyone quick to jump on the Bush bandwagon and tell me what a great guy he is and how this movie only presents one side of the story, I ask you to please watch this movie cuz duh. Of COURSE Moore presents a side of the story - a side that no one has been informed of previously. Watch the movie out of acceptance for other people's right to voice their opinions. Their right to present facts ANYONE can easily look up themselves if they choose to.

I am not undecided any longer. I am not voting for Bush.

PS,

Do NOT decide not to watch this film out of fear or for any excuse for that matter. The subject matter is relevant to everyone.

PPS,

Read this.

The princess diaries

Apparently Le Stealth Cynica is preparing a little surprise for later this week, and what with Le Blessed Event right around the corner I thought a new skin was appropriate. If you're in to cars and manly things, this design is for you. Kidding. KIDDING! I think that with the last skin being so.... blah, I needed some color. I *might've* gone a little overboard with the color but HELLO! This *IS* autumn, the time when orange, yellow, red, neon pink, and brilliant blue leaves fall from the trees.

So switch up the normalle and change it up here. Tiara's are for winners. And for understimulated librans.

PS, Holiday skin around the corner. Everyone up on their holiday movie watching trivia?

Doctor Sopheava

I did promise a Q&A session. There may have only been 2 brave enough to take advantage of my moment of weakness thus far, but ya'll are still able to get on the cool-kid-bandwagon with your plethera of questions and I will still respond to my heart's content.

First up, we have Le Serial Cynica. From the woman who already knows everything, she asked:

1. If there was one thing in your life that you could alter or completely take back, what would it be?
I would alter my professional life to make the environment in which I work healthy, colorful, creative, and oozing money out of its every hard drive.

2. Why do Bath & Body Works antibacterial soaps make my hands peel?
It's a simple matter of the alcohol in the antibacterial soaps causing your hands to dry up like crinkley old raisins. Not that your hands are like crinkley old raisins, but I suppose I'll know that for myself in mere hours. Won't I?

3. If you could only have sex with one more person (one time only) for the rest of your life, who would it be?
Jeremy Northam without question. Scchhhllllppppppppppp!

4. If someone gave you Paris HIlton's credit card and set you loose to go shopping in Beverly Hills for only one hour, what would you buy? Oh - and you have to be able to carry it home with you.
Hmmmmm. I'm really bad at labels and the pretentious "aura" that is some designer or another. So I would look for a store that appeals to my classy, artsy, sophisticated style and spend the hour buying up a complete collection of supplies. Starting with the dress, then moving on to the shoes, purse, accessories, pants, tops, and anything else I forgot - leaving with an ensemble or 10. I would also ask that copious amounts of wine be at my fingertips.

5. Dr. Phil has taken a turn for the worse and wil be laid up in a mental hospital for the next week. You have been chosen to replace him on his show for one week (5 days). What issues would you discuss and set straight?
Mental hospital huh? Day One: Jeremy Northam of course. Day Two: Karol Truman on honesty and energy. Day Three: Dr. Nambudripad on health. Day Four: Tori Amos to speak and perform. Mostly to perform. Day Five: Le Serial Cynica, Prakope, Paul, and Welly. Party at my place!

And second, we have Wellington. Oh Welly, Welly, Welly...

1. Would you ever do a reality tv show?
Depends on the show. But I will say it would take a LOT to get me on TV. A. Helluva. Lot.

2. Do you take catnaps?
On the weekends, usually.

3. What would be your preference in a man - good looks, or money? (testing your shallowness quotient!)
Good looks.

4. Do you prefer early mornings or late nights?
The problem with making this decision is that early morning only last 2-3 hours max. Late nights can last 5 hours or more! But I must say, I really do prefer mornings. I love doing the breakfast thing, and I love walking around downtown when the sun hasn't risen yet. It's so peaceful in the mornings, that is why I choose the AM.

5. How long to you take getting ready in the morning?
Hop in the shower at 7:50. Get dressed at 8:05. Make bed, water plants, and brush teeth at 8:09. Blowdry, curl, and flatiron hair at 8:14. Mascara and lip gloss at 8:26. Put on smelly lotion and body spray at 8:28. Walk out door at 8:30. Forty minutes for all that should qualify me for the Olympics.

6. And a (slightly) inappropriate one to store in the 'goddess consideration' file: Have you ever posed nude?
Yes.

Let me count the ways

I had this one sitting around for a while... and tonight was the night Herr Northam decided to announce his love for me to the entire world in the form of his portraiture. One more skin for the month of October because I'm feeling generous.

Please, check out the beauty that is him. *Aaahhhhhhhhhhh* Jeremy, if you're in town, do call.

Cutie cutie, make sure you move that booty

The day we're not talking about is coming up real, real quick and my best friend has designs for the most fantastic birthday pressie ever. She grins ear to ear about it, not to mention giggles uncontrollably in fits of vanity.

Although when the devil smiles, he thinks his intentions are guided by forces higher than himself as well.

So for my b*we're-not-talking-about-it*day my friend decided to get me a boyfriend. What is she trying to say? That it's possible for someone to be single for tooooo long? What with all of Oprah's words flying out of everyone's mouth these days about being "single", "independent", and "secure" I didn't think it was possible for someone to be too any of these. But that's Le Serial Psychosis for ya. Always thinking outside the proverbial "box". Heh.

So she did this - you just have to see for yourself. (I blurred out the name to protect my own crumbling, second-to-second diminishing identity).

Yes, she placed a PERSONALS AD for me. She illegally STOLE my picture (two of them, at that) and is putting me on display like a prostitute. For the entire internet to see (I'm not posting the where of the ad, though it's not that hard for any of you to figure out). The embarrassment is overwhelming. I mean... there's at least 4 copyright laws being broken here, not to mention invasion of privacy and PIMPING! I just know pimping is illegal in the states of Minnesota and Florida. Somebody arrest this bitch for trying to get me a boyfriend. THE HORRORRRRRR!!!!

To add insult to injury, she checks my account too. She logs in with the username and password she created and looks to see how many people want to "chat" with me.

And then she sends me emails about them.

"I like the guy in the shower. He might only be 23 but he's really cute! You should sooooooooooooooo chat with him. =)) I think he's a moron for posting shower photos, but... well.. at least you know he can work his plumbing."

Um, HELLO?! I am NOT chatting with some bloated 23 year old who takes pictures of himself in the shower and wants to chat with me cuz I have a "nice smile." This is just so wrong. It's like, against the rules of feminism or something.

On the other hand... my stomach hurts from laughing. She does get major points for making me laugh harder than anyone else I know.

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled programming...

...To wish one Little Miss Sopheava a wonderful birthday and an amazing new year! Everyone be sure to send lots of messages full of love and appreciation for the beauty and greatness that is her :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHICA AWESOMITA!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Leaving on a jet plane

Mere minutes until Le Blessed Event™, is everyone as excited as I am?! I've been trying to pack since I got home, between running downstairs to do laundry. Packing for Le Blessed Event™ should be an Olympic sport.

Here's your bag. Here's the events you're competing in. Your bag cannot exceed "X" weight. Keep in mind your return weight will probably exceed the intial weight. Plus... dun dun dunnnnn... YOU'RE A WOMAN! Which translates in to, "You need at least 2 outfits per day, and a 3rd to sleep in." Don't forget shoes, makeup, jewelery, presents for Le Serial Cynica, going out outfits, staying in outfits, just-in-case outfits. As Steve might - remember, it's enough trouble trying to get me to decide on ONE outfit, not to mention TWENTY OF THEM! GAH!

When I win this event, I plan to drink my prize at a very shi-shi bar in a very warm location. In a very cute outfit. With matching shoes. And my Madame sitting right next to me, writing her address and phone number on my hand in permanent marker so I don't forget.

Since I know all ya'll are on the edge of your seats about the whole personals fiasco, I'll let you know that I've had 12 15 people contact me already. In THREE DAYS! That officially would make Keira a very rich P.I.M.P. if she were indeed a Madame. It has been great fun seeing what kinds of potential stalkers are sitting in my inbox. Surprisingly none of them are foreign, which is, needless to say, weird 'n stuff. I can go out in to a crowd of thousands, and the one foreign guy will find me. Every. Time. Stay tuned to our next episode to see what exciting adventures await Sopheava! And remember, DRINK YOUR OVALTINE!

Speaking of Ovaltine, I'm having a very difficult time keeping my new Christmas design under wraps. It's done. Completely. And it's just SITTING THERE waiting to get uploaded so everyone can see it. Needless to say, it's taking nothing short of moving me across the country to keep me from posting it. Plus, did everyone see the gorgeousness that is the birthday design Le Serial cynica surprised me with?!

Ohhhhh, it's just TOO CUTE! Best friends are for winners. MWAH! MWAH! Speaking of best friends, the next time I talk to you I'll be sitting at her computer - Brigitte. Where all the magic happens. That's just... COOL! I'll be regularly writing if I can manage to drag my ass out of bed before 6pm. Hee hee. There is much fun to be had up in this bizatch.

Alright, it's off to Florida for me! I'm leeeeeaving on a jet plane...

Pitter patter of zombie goo

*sniff sniff* My little boys all grow'd up.

Two of my friends are participating in National Novel Writing Month, and I'm so proud I might have to pee in my panties. See, in case ya'll weren't aware, November is National Novel Writing Month. Go to the website and take a look around.

Here's how it works: between November 1st, 12:01am and November 30th, 11:59pm each participant writes their illustrious novel (50,000 big ones, to be exact), which turns out to be just under 2000 words per day. Officially, as of yesterday,w 2 of the kookiest, I mean coolest, guys I know are participating! *does excitement dance* I can't wait to read their novels!!!

And if I weren't excited enough I've won the bid to do the artwork for each of their novels! EEEEEEE! So the plan from each of them is to post continuous installments of their novels until they're finished. I won't spoil Steve's plot, he's really good at running his mouth himself, so I'll get back to you on that one when I'm on the other side of the country and safely away from ass-kicking.

Joe, on the other hand... the blogging has begun on his story. His topic?:

I'm gonna have to brush the dust off my zombie-drawing skills cuz this is gonna be fun, fun, fun!!!!! Seriously though, I think it's amazing that these two guys are participating. Here's a little zombie warm-up, from one of Joe's friend's - and a little unofficial help from Joe since he's not allowed to start writing until the 1st:

How do I love thee?

Keira gave me her breasts for the evening and we're going out.

That is all.

The great soap debate

I'd like to retract #2 on this entry.

#2. Your hands are dry from antibacterial lotion because you've been using SOAP as lotion these past 2 months. That will be $85.00 please.

The Florida Job

Hey, hey, hey people! What's this? I leave for 2 microseconds and the internet goes to pot. Huh huh.

Plarge, Welly, Prakope, and Miss Cynica (who gets excused from my wratch cuz I'm the fun teacher, and, well, she bought me bright shiny things) are all on my list. What's this... not posting crap? Shame on each and every one of you. Shame shame shame. Especially you Prakope. You promised my homegirl pictures, not to mention you own MOTHER pictures and nada. MUST I do everything to keep each of you stimulated around here?

So the question on everyone's lips is, HOW WAS THE TRIP?!

The trip was quite simply, perfect. I had one of those dopey, tooth grins on my mouth the entire time. Which is, well, cool cuz I haven't had many reasons to smile pounding down my door lately. We did crazy, insane girlfriend things (of which EVERY guy I know is dying to find out about) and laughed so hard we nearly got anaphylactic shock. There were tears at the airport when it was all over --- and we have called each other a total of 6 times since 24 hours ago when we had to say goodbye. Goodbye's are rough people. I recommend drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. *sniff sniff*

Hmmmm.... so details, details. Everyone is just dying to know details. Well, the truth is I have pictures but very few that are postworthy at this time. I will attempt to post a bunch this weekend if I can get around to editing them for my mother. After all, that one drug dealer at that one club surely won't want his picture posted on some random website on the internet without a few minor photoshopping details to take out the crack pipe in his hand, now will he? Sheesh! (Keira has his number just in case any of you are interested...)

We may come back to the details of the trip later. As it were, tonight was a total lunar eclipse of the red moon and I am bushed. Well, that and I got less than 5 hours of sleep last night. So... I give you 3 photos people. Now go and post! Please, for the love of all that's holy post on your websites, will you?! Oh, and watch the movie The Italian Job cuz it's KICK ASS!!

  

Don't you think?

I won an award for being the employee of the quarter. Nominated and voted for by my peers. I'd like to say *sniff sniff* "Aw shucks, thanks" to Alanis for that song about irony. Everything is so much clearer now.

In other news, tomorrow is Friday. WAHOOEY! I've decided to use my powers for good, not evil, these last few days of the month. Therefore... I shower thee with music. Lots and lotsa music cuz I'm feeling generous (thank that bitch who won't let me stop laughing for 2 seconds). *cough* and have buckets of bandwidth *cough*

So yes, pigs are flying, the Sox won, and I can now be called your dealer. Do a right-click and "Save As" on all these bizatches or I shall cast a halloween pox on you. Or stick needles in your forehead. You know, whatever your pleasure.

Alanis Morrisette - Ironic (cuz today was Ironic 'n stuff)
Peaches - Operate (put this one on at your halloween party, or dance around in your undies while getting ready for work - whichever comes first)
Faithless - Bluegrass (cuz the stand-up bass RULES!)
Lamb - B Line (Lamb agrees with that last bit; plus 2 out of 5 Englishmen agree that English groups are teh r0x0r)
Chris Isaak - Wicked Game (cuz I'm a mushy pants and think this is one of the sexiest songs ever ... um, strum)

Pin-up

Just in time for the elections: Dubya dress-up.

Don't hurt yourselves out there folks. It's a big, bad world.

Halloweenie

Just in time for halloween: Boo!

Now THAT is a place I'd like to go to with a flashlight, Le Serial Psychica, and a glow-in-the-dark Ouija board halloween night.

Names altered to protect the innocent

Addressed to one Mr. M. Att,

Thank you for your kind response to my yahoo personals posting. From your vast and many pictures, I instantly gathered you are a man of great dignity, honesty, and worth. Why only yesterday I remarked to my very best girlfriend, "Keira, how I long to meet a man of great dignity, honesty, and worth." It is almost as if you have taken a cosmic leap and delved in to my innermost thoughts and desires without so much as a sliver of hesitation. Honestly, you take my breath away.

The fact that you live in Grand Forks is like icing on the cake. For who else could have known that city life is not for me? My heart longs for the silence of the country and company of one simple in mind, body, and spirit. Lo!, dark haired stallion, I have grown tired of the intellectual stimulation provided by individuals who have privately sought cosmic truths and find that I much prefer someone content with sowing his family's seeds. The fact that you make less than $20k a year is almost a dream come true, for material possessions no longer become this earthly vessel.

It was your message that clenched my soul and rendered me speechless. For I shall never forget our first words:

Please, don't make me wait any longer. Forever dancing in my thoughts and dreams,
~Sophie

PS, I will gladly abide by your kind request to only wear sexy lingerie. It was the way you looked at me in that third picture when I realized your unending kindness and sincerity.

FREAK! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my best friend for her never-ending birthday present. I owe you one!

Jingle all the way

It's halloween which means the immanent start of the holiday season. To put you in the mood (as you can tell from my last post, I'm all about being in the mood), I've whipped up this Christmas skin.

Click here to see what all the fuss is about. And don't forget to drink your Ovaltine.