Lesson #1:
When attemtping to get hair to cooperate, set hair straightener to FRY THE SHIT OUT OF ANYTHING TOUCHING MY FIERY HOTPLATES.
Repeat at least 4 days in a row.
Dunk hair in giant vats of extra-firm hairspray. Repeat.
Grasshopper say, "All better."
[Editor's note: Did I tell you I'm going for the straightened hair look lately? Yup, the curly, wavy-do will be back.... soonish....]