So today M suggested that we give our beloved computers names. Freaking genius, that one... I mean, seeing as we spend more time with our computers than our boyfriends, it would only be appropri -- Hey! Wait a second, we don't HAVE boyfriends }:(

Okay, so seeing as how we don’t have boyfriends and spend a fuck-load of time on our computers, M & I are going to give them names. There. YAY!! M suggested that I name mine something French and female, which sounded good to me, so I Googled myself up a complete listing of French Female names. Okay, I already know what you're thinking. NO, I am not a lesbian. Just because my energy flows the wrong, excuse me, the opposite way and just because I choose to give a French female name to the one thing that I am currently most intimate with, it does NOT mean that I’m a lesbian. And neither is M, for that matter... although I have a feeling that M’s computer will have a strong, masculine, Greek name. They actually sleep together sometimes, so I imagine it would be a tad awkward if M’s computer’s name were something like Julianna or Francesca. You never know with these Libran Lesbos, though...

Okay, so now that we’ve explored that impossibility, lets go back to these French Female names. Shout out to Google for all its hard work and dedication.

The page that Google so generously provided me was all laid out in a nice little grid so that in the 1st column was the name, the second: the gender associated with that name, the third: the country of origin, and the last column: the meaning.

I struggled with the decision of whether to scroll down the left column for a name that sounded pretty or to scroll down the far right column for an appropriate meaning for Le Beloved Computer. After arguing with the little man in my head for about 20 minutes or so, I made an executive decision (I'm really good at these) and decided to do BOTH! Brilliant, I know...

So after all this researching, pondering and executive decision making, this is what I came up with:

Fosetta: The dimpled one.

I thought this might be a good name since I can see the dimples on the back of my thighs really well when I sit a certain way at my computer.

Fabienne: Bean grower.

THIS one is just plain funny. Bon jour. I am Fabienne. I grow beans.

Joelle: The Lord is God. The feminine form of Joel.

This one is for my Yahoo homeboy, Joel, who thinks that his name is pronounced Joelle. Listen carefully, sweetie: JOELLE is for GIRLS. JOEL is for BOYS. Accept it.

Mallory: Unlucky. A boy or girl's name

Sometimes I think this is me. I had a stuffed duck when I was a kid. Her name was Mallory. I took her with me everywhere I went. That stupid bitch cursed me with an eternity of bad luck. Bad duck.

Odette: A home-lover

Not to be confused with a hom-ie or home-boy lover. We don't do the G-thing over here. No. I am a home lover. I love to be at home. I work at home. I am what others like to call a home-body. Additionally, I "O," therefore I have lots of "dette." Whatever, bitch, you know that was a clever observation. Don’t hate.

Mariasha (Egyptian-- got tired of the French): perfect one; bitter, with sorrow

Now we're getting to the nitty gritty of it all. The perfect one. Yes, you called?? Bitter? Definitely. Experiences sorrow? Often. Now this is where things go a little grey. Do I name Le Beloved Computer something that relates closer to me or to her? I think that we can all agree that a computer is only as good as its user, but what if the user is a reclusive, angry, pessimistic bitch? Do we want to curse Le Beloved Computer with such a name?? Aye... suggestions?

Brigitte (Egyptian): Strong, spirited. An ancient Celtic goddess.

Ahhhhh, now THIS is what I'm talkin about. Say it: "Bri-zzzzgheet." Strong, spirited, and damn sexy if you ask me! Hey-- I'm sexy and strong and sometimes spirited... And I'm a GODDESS!!

SOLD!

THIS is what I shall name Le Beloved Computer!

I shall call her Brigitte....