Journey to Washville

A week ago Saturday (the 17th) I was sitting on my couch, knitting a scarf, doing laundry, making lunch, and watching a movie (I'm a multi-tasker ;). Probably was watching something like "The Red Violin". Most likely eating something like soup. And most certainly knitting something blue.

So I was mid-purl when all of a sudden it sounded like a motorcycle was humping my wash machine! OF COURSE I was shocked by the atrocities going on in my bathroom (well, technically my roommate's bathroom, but seeing as how the washer normally behaves for her when she's around I began to take it as a personal attack on my attention giving skills). So I *RAN* in the bathroom to find some serious gear grinding going on (close to motorcycle/washer humping, only it was more along the lines of washer masturbation).

I promptly stopped the unnecessarily loud grinding nonsense mostly for the fact that it was my kitty blanket in the spin cycle -- and I SWEAR TO GODDESS that if anything happened to that kitty blanket I would probably throw myself in to the Mississippi. With the blanket of course. We go together. We're a pair. A team. ANYWAY...... With superfluous exaggeration I STORMED in the kitchen, *gently* picked up my cell phone, and dialed the front office of my building.

Front Office: "Hello, may I offer to help you but actually give you complete attitude and be of no service?"
Me: "Tempting but no. My washer is broke and I'd like it fixed."
Front Office: "Pity. I rather wanted to give you attitude over the phone and tell you to fix your lame problem yourself, however this is a legitimate issue and you'll need to call 1-800-***-****. They will be the givers of attitude this afternoon."
Me: "Thank you for nothing."
Front Office: "You bet!"

..... 60 seconds later .....

After-Hour-Dispatch: "Hello, may I give you after-hour attitude and be of no after-hour service to your lame after-hour request?"
Me: "Tempting again, but no. My washer is broke and I would like it fixed please."
AHD: "We don't do washers. Only gas explosions, large fires, major flooding, and appliance humping."
Me: "Holy crap, it just so happens it IS an appliance humping issue. Front-office gave me your number."
AHD: "Bugger. Ok, we will unenthusiastically page support. They may or may not ever show up to help you."
Me: "I'll blog about your poor service and tell everyone you have a terrible phone-voice if you don't help me."
AHD: "Bugger. Ok - we'll send help."
Me: "Thought so."

..... 15 minutes later .....

Me: "Hello?"
Paged Support Man: "Eh, hey. *yawns loudly* So, sum'in's wrong?"
Me: "Yes, my washer is unnecessarily masturbating in my roommate's bathroom. And seeing as how she's not around to whip its naughty, attitude-ridden gears in to shape, I am requiring your services."
PSM: "*sighs louds* Uh, k. Page Support Man Senior will come out and look at it. Bye."
Me: "WAIT!"
PSM: "Huh?"
Me: "Can I be EXPECTING your sorry asses to show up anytime this beautiful Saturday afternoon or will you be sleeping instead?"
PSM: "We'll be sleeping. We should have time for you Tuesday."
Me: "Asshole."
PSM: "Bitch."

..... Wednesday afternoon .....

After-Hour-Dispatch: "Christ Margaret, what do you want?"
Me: "No one showed up yesterday. They said they would. Do you understand I'm starting to get extremely irritated?"
AHD: "We don't understand and we also make no effort to sympathize with your lame tenant ass. Buy a house if you don't like it. While you're at it, call your front desk for some attention."
--CLICK--

..... 60 seconds later .....

Front-Office: "Hello and may we service you today?"
Me: "Whoa. Isn't that rather forward? We don't even know each other."
FO: "Ok, first of all get your mind out of the gutter. Second of all, get to the point already."
Me: ----summarizes story ----
FO: "I'm very sorry for your inconvenience. We will get right on top of that."
Me: "Enough with the inuendos already. Please service me."
FO: "*giggles uncontrollably* K."

..... Yesterday (Monday) .....

Primary-Support-Man-Senior: "Hello?"
Me: "It's me again. My washer is still broken."
PSMS: "Yes. Whirlpool should be out later this week to fix it. I love you."
Me: "Telling me you love me doesn't change the fact that my roommate is now going commando. Preach to the choir. And while you're at it fix this situation."
PSMS: "K."
Me: "Bet your ass."

..... 2 hours ago .....

Today I came home from work and found a BRAND SPANKIN' NEW washer hooked up. I am sooooooooo persuasive. I'm also so thankful my roommate doesn't have to go commando anymore.